Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please.. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-14-2011, 07:42 PM Thread Starter
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Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

I am embarrassed to say that I was unfaithful to my husband. I confessed to him the whole truth about the affair. My amazing husband is willing to stay with me and work on our marriage. I know I don't deserve a secound chance but feel so grateful.

The complicated part (there are many complicated parts) is that the man I had an affair with lives in the same city as my husband and I. The other man is not willing to be completely be truthful to his wife. We obviously need to stay away from this family but we live in a small city and wont be able to avoid them. I feel horrible for what I have done and feel so bad that this other woman respects me and wants to be my friend. I can't be her friend knowing what I have done and knowing that her husband won't tell her.

should I move?????
What should I do???
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-14-2011, 08:55 PM
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

You should tell her that you had an affair with her husband. She has a right to know. This will, of course, end your friendship and any need for you to see your affair partner or his wife.

Everyone deserves a second chance. Make it worth your husband's while by doing what you can to make yourself a stronger, more confident person. Looking outside of the marriage for happiness doesn't work, as you have hopefully learned, and happiness can be found by learning to love and value yourself. Then you won't feel compelled to act out through an affair.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-14-2011, 09:01 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

I know I have learned my lesson, I will NEVER betray my husband and look outside my marriage again. Thanks for the commment.

I am torn if it is my responsiblity to tell the other woman. I have confessed to my husband and I wish he would tell his wife. Maybe I should start a new thread about this?
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-14-2011, 09:39 PM
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

No, do NOT tell the other woman. It is not your business to do so and she may not be as forgiving to her husband as your husband was to you. You were already responsible for participating in an illicit affair and hurting others like your husband. Don't continue the hurt.

You sound very remorseful and I agree with your concern that you cannot be friends with this other woman given your past relationship with her husband. I think you have made your bed, so lie in it. Moving is definitely an option if it makes sense and your husband is agreeable to it. Otherwise, spend your time making up excuses to avoid this other wife and her overtures for friendship. Eventually she will "get the picture" that you are avoiding her and don't want her friendship, and she will stop pursuing you. So be it, that's the price you pay. You obviously didn't care about her friendship when you were banging her husband. Besides, if you did tell her about the affair, do you think she's going to embrace you and be your best buddy?
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-14-2011, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

I just want nothing more than for both families to heal from this stuiped thing I did.

I am willing to move, my husband doesn't want to but he said if we both think that we must, we will. We love our community but I was selfish and screwed things up bad for my family.

I don't think I should be the one to tell her. I know it doesn't sound right and I don't even know how it is possible but I do really like and care about the other wife. I could get a lot of negative responses for that one but I do. I feel so bad and wish I could take back time. My husband and the other woman are good people and were treated so horribly.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-14-2011, 11:07 PM
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

Quote:
Originally Posted by marriageinprogress View Post
I just want nothing more than for both families to heal from this stuiped thing I did.
You can't heal the other family. Forget about them and let the other man deal with his family. Concentrate and work on your own.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-11-2011, 09:07 PM
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

did you mean if should your family pick you up and move?I suppose if it was a question the question was not asked
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-11-2011, 10:08 PM
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

Your hubby should camll up the OMW and tell her. That can be his gift to the OM. Lord knows the OM and you both deserve some serious gifts like this.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-11-2011, 11:32 PM
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Re: Should I pick up my family and move?? Advice please..

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Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
Your hubby should camll up the OMW and tell her. That can be his gift to the OM. Lord knows the OM and you both deserve some serious gifts like this.
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Yep,

Let him do it. It will make him feel better knowing that the OM's wife will keep an eye out for more shenanigans between the two of you.
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