Never Give Up

Would you really fall out of love with someone because they didn't look happy??

Well, he didn't completely fall out of love, but he said he was losing some feelings for me.
We talked about everything a few days ago or so and now we're working on it. He says he still doesn't have the same feelings he had before, but he can tell he's starting to get them back.

We talked about it quite a bit and now he feels like I'm nagging him about it... I guess I might be, because I ask everyday if he's starting to get the feelings back.
So it's understandable that he'd find it annoying, but if we're not going to make any progress I don't see the point in prolonging the divorce if there's no hope anyways.

How long does it generally take to win someone's love back? (I'm assuming about the same as trying to win someone's love in the first place?)
I really miss my husband and how things were before.

ClipClop

MC.

Were you unhappy? The idea that you'd go from a bump in the road to thoughts of divorce is telling of your state of mind. It isn't in a healthy place. Deal with your issues and stop worrying about him. If you don't you'll go down this road again and again.
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Never Give Up

I wasn't happy, but it's not because of him.
Also, I am dealing with my issue currently, as I explained above.

Truly I don't want a divorce, but I also don't want to stay with someone who doesn't love me anymore.

meson

Yes, if my wife is gumpy and in a bad mood it affects my mood as well. If it goes on for awhile I build up resentment and anger which then reduces the affection I have for her.

Acorn

My 2 cents..

If you were acting unhappy for a stretch of time, you husband probably noticed your unhappiness. At a minimum, you probably weren't a lot of fun to be around, and he may have internalized it and/or took it personally (she is unhappy with me). His feelings may have started to disappear without him really realizing it.

He says he still loves you. If you were to find your path once again, he would probably discover his feelings returning without him really realizing it.

I think working on whatever was making you unhappy and more importantly, letting your husband sort his feelings out on his own without having to give continual status updates would be a great way to start fixing things.

southbound

As I read over the threads here, I'm reminded of reasons why my x wife says she lost feelings for me. Not looking happy was one of them. She said I had a "look" on my face all the time. Personally, I never heard of someone falling out of love because the other person didn't look happy, but she listed it.

Unfortunately, she didn't sound the alarm until she said it was too late, so she never got the feelings back and we divorced.

Apparently I was this,



but she wanted this,

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Never Give Up

Is it because you blame yourself for her unhappiness?

Basically, what everyone is getting at is that I should work my issues and focus on making myself happier. Not letting this whole loss of love thing get me down either, since he's still willing to work things out.
Basically, I should go back to the person he fell in love with in the first place and set aside the problem.
In ways I feel even worse now with the stress of practically ruining the best thing in my life, but I'm going to try my best to not let it get to me.

It's just really shocking because I didn't think something like this would be able to destroy feelings for someone. At least not if the feelings were strong...

ClipClop

Being with someone who is depressed is draining. You can't help. You are in a relationship with someone who isn't whole for some reason. It really is no fun to come home to someone who isn't enjoying life and isn't enthusiastic about anything. The energy just isn't positive. It has nothing to do with the strength of his feelings before.

People gravitate toward people who make you feel good about yourself.

My H's ex mentioned the same thing - he never smiled. It wasn't the main reason for the D but like the other poster said, it was mentioned.
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Acorn

The beauty of this of course is that no matter how the relationship turns out, you will ultimately be happy.

magnoliagal

I was depressed for a long time before I sought help. This is absolutely the way my husband felt towards me. Overall I believe men don't really like moody women. From what I've read men get a lot of self esteem from how happy their wives are.

So to the OP how I got my husband back was first and foremost I put myself in therapy and learned how to be happy. Over the years my husband kept telling me all he wanted was for me to be happy but I didn't take that seriously. I am now.

Locard

He resents you. He probably won't say it, maybe doesn't even realize it. As a man, you wife is sometimes seen as a relection of YOU, as in his own self worth is tied somewhat to yours.

This is a warning and you are doing well to pay attention as he is verbalizing that he is grinding down and loosing his ability to keep it up.

Hows the sex life??

Conrad

We sincerely do want our wives happy with the life we provide them. On an emotional level, we sacrifice our natural desire for sexual variety and really REALLY want to see that sacrifice validated by our woman - both in and out of bed.

Never Give Up

Thanks, everyone. This is all really informative.
I really hope that we can turn things around and that this doesn't have to end.

Therapy is not something I'm able to do at this point, so I'm going to have to rely on myself and my love for him to give me motivation to better myself.
We're practically broke now and all of the money we do have goes to bills and his car (aka his baby). The thing won't run properly and it's stressing him out to the max.

Never Give Up

The sex life is still great, that's never been an issue with us.

meson

No, everyone is responsible for their own happiness. But I help when I can. Thre are times when issues are talked about, actions considered but in the end nothing is done. I am glad to support when I can but it angers me to see nothing done about it. Then I resent further discussion of the issues because I know Im being ignored.