General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I've never posted anything before and I can't hold in some of my issues much longer. I have many questions but this is one that I think anyone can provide an honest opinion about. I married my high school sweetheart and after 12 years and 4 kids later, we have hit a huge roadblock. I'm not usually one to get too jealous about other women but I recently have seen some questionable FB friends on his page. Trying to be an adult here but at the same time, isn't it inappropriate to have a friend who is 18 years old, has a half-naked profile picture, and has no other mutual friends with my husband? There are several like this, women who work at bars and clubs and has no friends in common, it just makes me jealous, uneasy, uncomfortable, and makes me down about myself. We have fought about how it makes me feel, that I don't approve....but I don't want to bring it up again. I feel like he doesn't respect my feelings. He tries to swing it back on me about my own FB buddies, but they are all his friends as well. I had once tried to begin taking kick-boxing at a gym near our house but he didn't like the idea of being around men, so I didn't go. Isn't this sort of the same idea here? We both have things that make us feel uneasy...i have respected his wishes.
There really is a whole lot more history but i can't explain everything in one thread. I just need an outside opinion because I'm fired up about this....my self-esteem feels low enough after finding out about other things...I just need some feedback. My marriage isn't what it used to be...
Ask him about the questionable 18 year old women on Facebook.
You don't elaborate on what the "whole lot more history" is but I will deduce from that small ocmment that there is a lot more lurking under the surface. If that is the case, you need to speak with him about how you feel.
My husband and I have been together for over 10 years, so there's definitely been issues about this type of issue. No one likes to be told who they can and can't be friends with, but it comes down to respect.
If you're uncomfortable, then he should definitely respect you enough to at least listen to your worries and talk to you about the issue, especially if he has the same issues as well and wants you to respect him.
I would also recommend talking to him. Is this friend only a friend on FB, or do they know each other outside of that as well? You could always suggest that you would like to get to know his friend as well. After all, if he's friends with her, and there's nothing inappropriate going on, he can't really object to you wanting to be involved.
At the last place I worked, I had a guy friend that was married as well. We got along great. I can't really say that I was close friends with his wife, the same way he wasn't really friends with my husband. However, we all knew each other and got along. Most importantly, neither of our spouses were ever excluded if they didn't want to be.
I definitely believe that you have friends of the opposite sex, as long as it's the type of relationship that you can have out in the open. If he doesn't want to give up this friendship that he has but doesn't want you involved either, then you definitely need to get to the bottom of the issue and a counselor may be able to help you with this. You shouldn't be the only one that respects your relationship.
Hope you both are able to work this out and come to a conclusion that makes you both happy. Good luck!
Something like this makes you feel like you've been kicked in the gut. He's not doing right at all.
Talk to him, if that doesn't work then take action. Might be time for you to sign up for those kick boxing classes. You get a good work out, time just for you, and a boost in self esteem. You can also add your new gym buddies to your FB page.
Facebook can cause a lot of problems in a relationship if people don't use it with caution especially in their interactions with members of the opposite sex. Yes I think you should talk to him. This article might be helpful. Improve My Marriage: Facebook
Thanks for all of your comments, I found them to be helpful and they gave me new perspectives. I began to talk to him about it by asking him if he knew who all of the friends were on his page. I thought that this would allow him the chance to admit that he didn't actually know everyone on his friends list. Even I have friends on mine that are mere aquaintances through mutal friends so i get that side of it.
But he turned in around on me instantly, attributing my concerns to my insecurities. That its no big deal, just people he accepted without even thinking. Usually, he is a difficult person to argue with because he can always find a way out of taking responsibility. In this case, I stuck to my guns and he knew that I was upset. He offered to delete his FB account because he'd rather not have anything that will cause us to fight. I told him it wasn't necessary, and that all I expected and wanted was for him to consider my feelings and respect them by filtering who he is FB buddies with.
Not even 10 minutes after our conversation, he deleted his FB account. I thought this was extreme, but it was his decision I guess. But it makes me wonder if he was hiding something in there that he didn't want me discovering... i just don't know. But for now, the issue has passed.
In this case, I stuck to my guns and he knew that I was upset. He offered to delete his FB account because he'd rather not have anything that will cause us to fight. I told him it wasn't necessary, and that all I expected and wanted was for him to consider my feelings and respect them by filtering who he is FB buddies with.
Not even 10 minutes after our conversation, he deleted his FB account. I thought this was extreme, but it was his decision I guess. But it makes me wonder if he was hiding something in there that he didn't want me discovering... i just don't know. But for now, the issue has passed.
Thanks for listening..(reading)
Good job with sticking to your guns. I am wondering if deleting the FB account was just a bandaid solution as it seems the issue was never really discussed in detail or really resolved?
Think it's time for a counselor! 
