General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
It has been a full month since I left him. And I finally realized on Monday that it is truly over and he will never change. Worse, I realize that he was never all that invested in the relationship to begin with.
We met on Monday, in a very public place, so he could give me money that he owes me. Three things happened that pretty much killed any lingering feelings I still had:
1.He wanted me to tell him some of the problems I had with him while we were together - so I did. Out of 6 things I mentioned, he proceeded to completely dismiss 2, twist 2 to try to make them my fault, and completely ignore the other 2 - frankly, those 2 were the most important as well.
2. He began trying to control me again as we sat there talking. He tried again to take over my parenting of my my children (who weren't even there!) and tell me how horrible I am at it.
3. He had been swearing he wanted to get help and get back together, and suddenly, he wasn't doing that anymore. So, I got curious and checked the call log, since we're still on the same phone plan. He's been talking to and texting at least one other woman. The thing about this one is that it's not that I'm hurt or jealous or anything like that - I've just realized that I don't want to be with a man who can move on from a 2 year relationship in less than a month (as he's been doing this for about 2 weeks, at least.).
I also keep thinking of how he was when we were together, all the things he did, and knowing that he won't change, and won't even admit he has a problem that he needs to change...and I don't want to go back to that.
I deserve better than him, and I will find better than him (I think - rumor is there are still good men out there, can anyone confirm that? )
rumor is there are still good men out there, can anyone confirm that? )
It feels good to get that all out.
Nope, I'm afraid that there are no more good men. All gone.
Only messing kiiid. You'll take time to get over it, your mind will still go back to the past. I reckon take the good memories, bank them, dump the rest, put it down to experience and realise that you're stronger now than you were before.
It may take a while but once you're stronger people will notice and you'll find that there are plenty of nice guys out there.
LI.
1.He wanted me to tell him some of the problems I had with him while we were together - so I did. Out of 6 things I mentioned, he proceeded to completely dismiss 2, twist 2 to try to make them my fault, and completely ignore the other 2 - frankly, those 2 were the most important as well.
Gah. That is so maddening!
Well it sounds like meeting up w/ him confirmed any doubts you had about leaving him.
Be so glad you're getting out after only 2 years in and you weren't married (unless you were married, LOL).
Good luck in the future and yes, you do deserve better
I just read this thread and the thread about your former BF and his gun, I'm very glad you left - the drugs he is using have turned him into someone you would never have gone out with.
There are good men out there, the problem as my much more than a GF of two months tells me is the ratio of men seeking LTRs to women very strongly favors men, and we men know it.
Good luck with your search, please don't go on a second date with anyone who is
1.more than slightly neurotic,
2.unemployed,
3.carrying baggage from previous relationships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by greeneyeddolphin
It has been a full month since I left him. And I finally realized on Monday that it is truly over and he will never change. Worse, I realize that he was never all that invested in the relationship to begin with.
We met on Monday, in a very public place, so he could give me money that he owes me. Three things happened that pretty much killed any lingering feelings I still had:
1.He wanted me to tell him some of the problems I had with him while we were together - so I did. Out of 6 things I mentioned, he proceeded to completely dismiss 2, twist 2 to try to make them my fault, and completely ignore the other 2 - frankly, those 2 were the most important as well.
2. He began trying to control me again as we sat there talking. He tried again to take over my parenting of my my children (who weren't even there!) and tell me how horrible I am at it.
3. He had been swearing he wanted to get help and get back together, and suddenly, he wasn't doing that anymore. So, I got curious and checked the call log, since we're still on the same phone plan. He's been talking to and texting at least one other woman. The thing about this one is that it's not that I'm hurt or jealous or anything like that - I've just realized that I don't want to be with a man who can move on from a 2 year relationship in less than a month (as he's been doing this for about 2 weeks, at least.).
I also keep thinking of how he was when we were together, all the things he did, and knowing that he won't change, and won't even admit he has a problem that he needs to change...and I don't want to go back to that.
I deserve better than him, and I will find better than him (I think - rumor is there are still good men out there, can anyone confirm that? )
I just read this thread and the thread about your former BF and his gun, I'm very glad you left - the drugs he is using have turned him into someone you would never have gone out with.
There are good men out there, the problem as my much more than a GF of two months tells me is the ratio of men seeking LTRs to women very strongly favors men, and we men know it.
Good luck with your search, please don't go on a second date with anyone who is
1.more than slightly neurotic,
2.unemployed,
3.carrying baggage from previous relationships.
Oh, there will be no dates at all for a while I think. After another blow out today, things are finally, totally finished. But in looking back, I've realized the 3 guys I've gotten involved with since my divorce have all been unstable in one way or another. And my ex-husband...well, he's a disaster, too.
So, I've come to the conclusion that there is something seriously wrong with me that I keep attracting this kind of guy and apparently am attracted to this kind of guy. And I'm going to hold off on dating until I figure out what that "wrong" is and fix it.
I didn't think he was doing drugs, but after today, and meeting up with him the other day, I'm not so sure now. When we met up the other day, he'd lost a lot of weight since I last saw him, which was a couple of weeks ago when we exchanged some things that we each had that belonged to the other. Given his career, his eating habits, and the fact that he's suddenly quit smoking, I know he couldn't have lost so much weight by merely eating better and working out.
I have to meet him tomorrow, so I can give him something he'd given my dad to store, and he's giving me his phone in exchange and I'm turning it off. He's on his own with that now. I'm meeting him in the parking lot of our local police dept., and hopefully my best friend of nearly 20 years is going to meet me there to act as a witness and further protection, if needed.
I just want this over with. I want him out of my life completely. I want to be completely free of him, so I can move on with my life and be happy again.
A month 
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