What to look out for if she moves back in

LonelyIrish · 07-21-2011, 04:25 AM

So, The crunch talk was had. She is still "unure" but wants to give it a try.
So, if she is really going to try then has anyone any advice on the first week or 2 of moving back in.
Obviously, if she is not 100% it and if her dream is not to be married to me in a year and happy then there is no point, but IF he does then what to watch out for.

Obviously we can't go back into the rut we were in so any tips out there for week 1?
I am thinking that before she moves back in that we agree to be civil, respectful and communicative. We shoudl try and have fun and nearly get back to the point of dating again and trying to build love back up from the floor.
Thats my view, but then again, maybe I'm crazy as a loon.

Any opinions/advice/warnings from the masses?

Of course she is taking a few days to think if she will move back or not. Thats fair enough. If she doesn't, then it's all over, if she does then I'll be using your advice (as I've done to now).

LI.

Jellybeans · 07-21-2011, 07:30 AM

Why are you letting her move back in if she is "unsure" about whether she wants to work it out or not?

Either she is committed or she isn't.

Is she using you for a place to stay at while she "makes up her mind?"

Have a discussion with her about what you will require. At this point it does not even sound like she is sure she wants to move back in.

F-102 · 07-21-2011, 01:05 PM

She may probably be only scared of Eires difficult divorce process.

LonelyIrish · 07-22-2011, 03:24 AM

Well the MC has asked us to put down our expectations and hopes and what we want in our marriage.
We sat in the house for a day and worked on them and talked them through and they were mostly support, trust, putting each other first etc.
However, it's not really possible to work on these while meeting up for an hour a week.
It's my idea for her to move back. There is a chance that being together, while we both know now that there are communication issues, may help us resolve them and get us back to dating and maybe in a few months we'll get ok again.
However, if she does not move back then I've already said that I'm not waiting around for months on end. If she moves back and it's not working out then we'll call a halt to it and both move on.
I see this as our best chance at making it work, but there are no guarantees.
I'm putting myself at risk again but it couldn't be as bad as what happened 7/8 weeks ago and I got over that.

It's not a case of 'letting her move back in'. She would rather stay away for a few months to see if she still has the love, but to be honest she won't find that on her own and I know that I won't have any respect/trust/love for her if this continues much longer. It's crunch time. She moves back and we work at it, or she's gone and I'm my own man again.
I'm not 1 bit upset at that though. I'm preparing for the worst, hoping for the best.

LI.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno · 07-22-2011, 05:21 AM

You two need a short-term joint project to work on together. Something you have not done before, to keep from getting into a rut. Have you wanted to change diet or add an exercise or learn a second language? Maybe even sign language. Even a rug-hooking craft kit that you could each work on separately left out in a common area, would be something. Or a bird watching journal. Something to change up the routine and also to keep things from being awkward. When you get to an awkward moment, you can go look for birds or do some rug hooking, that kind of thing.

Runs like Dog · 07-22-2011, 07:33 AM

Well there are no poisonous snakes in Ireland, so you don't have to look out for those.