jayde

I've been on here for a little over a month and really appreciate all the insight and advice I've seen. I just need a reality check.

We have been in MC for about 3 months with (mostly) weekly sessions. I started IC about some of my personal issues with a therapist I worked with years ago for depression. I was happy to share with the W some of the things we discussed as I felt that he connected some important dots for me to help me move forward. I had one IC session with our MC a few weeks ago when my wife decided she needed a break from it - which was fine with me and that session was nothing terribly memorable.

She went to our MC for IC this past week. I was curious about what was discussed but didn't ask initially. This morning during a mildly heated 'discussion' I asked her if there was anything raised inthe session that she'd like to discuss. She replied, "No,are you concerned with him poisoning my mind." Huh? (This may not have been a direct quote but the word 'poison' was used.)

A little while later, i told her that I found her response curious (to say the least). In my mind, i asked a neutral question, but from her perspective, within the context of the conversation in which I posed the question, I came across as being defensive. Which is in the realm of possibility - although not my direct intent. She also said from a previous IC with him that he told her 'she was bending over backwards for me.'

Any reason(s) for concern here? We're going back as a C to MC tomorrow. Any thoughts on using the same therapist for MC, IC, etc? Thanks

Jellybeans

This will be a great topic to bring up at MC.

I personally do not agree with using the same MC as IC. Why? Because each patient should be treated separately. For instance, 1 couple = 1 patient. One person = another patient.

My IC refused to see me and husband as a MC. She told her to go to another therapist as a couple.

Acorn

I have the same IC/MC. The counselor was my IC and now doubles as MC.

The counselor said this was generally not considered a good idea, but would do it since my wife basically said it was my IC or nobody. Better than nothing.

I would recommend not going to the same for both based on my experience. My individual journey is different than my marital one and it is hard to get used to the counselor validating my views one week and then asking me to compromise them for the sake of the marriage the next. I know the counselor is wearing two different hats and so the responses will be different week to week... it is just hard to get used to sometimes.

I think it is a bad idea to share each other's IC session with the other unless both people want to hear it. (And as an aside, I would be willing to bet that the counselor was validating a statement she probably made, sort of like saying "I hear that you think you are bending over backwards for him, and that is certainly a valid feeling.")

jayde

Interesting replies - and thank you. This guy wants to have the whole family for therapy (3 kids too). And has said he would be good with my W, me and kids as IC and MC and FC. This guy can friggin do it all! Hmmm. . . . any other comments are welcome.

And as far as sharing IC with the W, I was comfortable with sharing - never asked her about it, but just thought it wouldn't be a big dea. Wrong. Again!

She is also on me to have disclosure agreements signed so the 2 therapists can speak to each other. No way!

jayde

UPDATE: So, W and I went to interview a therapist for my daughter (16 - her own issues, and family issues). In discussing the Daughter's history, it was raised that she saw the same therapist as my wife. The Interviewee mentioned that it gets 'a little sticky' having the same therapist for people in the same family. And when it came out that the same therapist also suggested seeing my wife and I as a couple the Interview interjected that 'none of us can be everything to everyone' and seemed a bit concerned that this one guy wanted the whole family as patients. She also metioned that the therapist would 'be on the side of the first person' that s/he saw.

And interestingly, my wife actually heard this. When I said it repeatedly over the past few months, I don't think it meant a thing.

We're going to offer to my daughter a choice between the two (the new Interviewee or the Super-Therapist). I'm a little torn between giving my daughter a choice (buy-in) with the fear she might choose Super-Therapist (who I now think is a total moron), or putting my foot down and just going with the new therapist (not a moron). Hmmmm . . . did I really just post this question???

Argh!

Acorn

I would insist that your daughter have her own therapist.

Your daughter needs to have her own because she needs to feel very comfortable talking about difficult topics. She will not feel very comfortable if she knows you are talking to the same guy as she is. What if the help she needs is something she is afraid to talk to you about? That's just one example, but hopefully you see my point.

jayde

Acorn . . .thanks for that. Yes, I see your point. It's my wife who needs to keep her butt in the waiting room (or leave completely). Not sure if it's more my wife or the therapist who needs to figure this out (???)

heartsbeating

And please don't ask your daughter about her sessions. Sure, maybe let her know she can speak with either of you if she feels she wants to but leave it for her to decide. My (divorced) parents went to MC a few times. As a young teen, they decided it would be good if I had a session. I had one. Afterwards my mom asked what we'd spoken about. I tried to avoid telling her specifics. She pushed a bit and so I told her what therapist had said: that I wasn't my mother's counselor and she shouldn't expect that of me and I didn't need to take their problems on board. My mom was furious. That was the end of their MC.

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