07-25-2011, 01:37 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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| Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
|  A breaking husband looking for advice.
Background information:
My wife and I are both in our early twenties. We have been dating for the last 7 years and married the last two years. We were both eachothers "high school sweethearts" and "firsts" for just about everything. When we got engaged her family turned on our relationship though mine was 200% supportive and that caused problems. We bonded over it rather than splitting apart and ended up getting married when we had decided on. Her parents have since gotten over it and everyone seems to be happy with eachother. My family loves her, probably more than me, and her family is more accepting now.
Financially we are secure. We both have decent paying jobs and just our house/various insurance to pay for. We handle that fine. We are saving money and we have no debt. I'm already finishing school and I've paid off my loans.
But we aren't happy. I don't know if it is me or if it is her or if it's something mutual. I know that I love her and I know that she loves me. I can't bare the thought of anything ever happening to her and I always want to be there to protect her.
When we were dating we enjoyed hanging out together so much that we would ignore our friends, knowing full well it was not a good practice to get into, and we could spend days at a time just wrapped up in each other. We fought and argued but not often.
But now that we are married I feel like things have changed. I don't like spending much quality time with her because so often we end up fighting about the silliest things. I feel like my attitude has a lot to do with it but I can't figure out why. After we fight and apology, or try to, I'll realize why the fight started and try not to let it happen again but it never works and the cycle repeats itself.
The friends that I'd ignored early on in our relationship are back and I absolutely love hanging out with them. I go out with them as often as I can or have them come visit our house as often as possible. They are just fun to be around. But at the same time I'm getting them back I feel like I'm losing any sort of solid ground with my wife.
To clarify: my friends LOVE my wife. And she loves them. And I'll bring her along when the situation is good (i.e: we aren't going to a sports bar to yell at the tv). It's just that 1 on 1 aspect that I am missing with my wife.
Sometimes I daydream about what it would be like to be free and not always feel weighted down by my marriage with her, even though we both love each other. I know she has done similar but anytime we've sat down to seriously talk out our issues she gets extremely depressed and breaks down at the "idea of leaving me/me leaving her."
I don't know what to do. I love her but it feels like we cannot enjoy each other anymore. We'll go a week without any sort of fight and then we'll have a bad one. Or we'll go a month or two without a fight and then a terrible week. It's awful.
Whenever we try do more with each other than just sitting around and watching tv/a movie we end up fighting. I don't know what is wrong and how to fix it. We've had long drawn out talks several times to try and fix our relationship.
I know it doesn't sound like much but it is ruining our marriage. Our inability to spend quality time together is making me lose any sort of grip on our marriage. I need help.
QUICK SUMMARY:
My wife and I were high school sweethearts. Have been married 2+ years. We don't really get along with each other even though I am POSITIVE we both still love each other. I daydream about leaving her sometimes and it makes me feel like a monster. I don't want to leave her but I don't want to stay with her if it makes both of our lives worse.
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