CandieGirl

I do understand this, really I do...but sometimes, when you get lied to, the way I did, it causes jealousy. I'm not sure why, but it does. Either way, being jealous really sucks...!

darrenk1

Look its not always jealousy per say its more the feeling of being disgusted because I didn't live that way and I have always respected women and my own body obviously if there's love involved its not an issue for me that is but finding out my wife lied about her sexual past ,numbers ,experiences ,on and on and YES to many it matters and imo I do see a huge difference between having 5 -maybe10 partners but 20 -+is not someone I would have married because of many reasons .and its up to me and anyone who THEY pick !not tricked mislead "!past is past is a joke .I know people change but sexual past as with any did happen and in my case finding out about 3 ways orgies ,stds,gang members ,crack use ,lying to get pregnant !on and on tons of one night stands?so how is it not ok to feel hurt when lied to deliberately ?
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pastflame

Jealousy is not the best word to describe the feelings in some of these cases, disappointment would be a better word!

I have issues with my wife's past and have searched for some kind of relief by reading hundreds of these types of posts, it always boils down to the same stand off.... women defending their lifestyle! so guys like us are, weak, insecure, old fashioned, then you get the guys that feed off of the promiscuous women and say guys like us are f*#ked and should just enjoy the "experience" our wife's can offer? and you get the sympathetic people that say, your wife picked you!! you are the one!! she loves you!! or she would be with one of her ex's you won her heart!! really?? to me this is all Blah, Blah, Blah! I am sure she was in love a few time before me too! all that has been shared with many already so nothing realy original there!

If, and I say If, you knew going in "ALL " about your wife's past, then no you have nothing to complain about unless! she is rubbing it in your face, bringing up stuff from her past to hurt or she is showing signs of dis trust, but if it all was revealed before hand and she is treating you with....here is a big word..."respect" then you have no grounds to torment her!

In my case I knew my wife was no virgin in the beginning, she was married before for 10years, had a son and admitted to a "couple" relationships and a "few" dates before we met!
Before we married I asked some personal questions about her past and she said no nothing happened out of the ordinary, her and her ex husband just grew apart and had some in-law family pressures, as for her ex boyfriends nothing special just dating some last a few months but that was about it!

Unfortunately I found out over a few months period after we were married, she was lying and had a very "busy" sexual lifestyle, which also included cheating on her ex husband with a renter they had in their basement while her ex was working shift work, she had an abortion with this guy and after him came 8 or 9 more in a 4 year period "that I know of" including one nighters, clubbing, old man dating (guys much older than her) etc etc etc. when I did question some of this (not the affair or abortion) but the extra men and her motives, she will blow a fit and deny and of course, come out with the time honored....I am insecure, judgmental etc etc Blah, Blah!!

One day in the near future I will drop the bomb on all this, but for now I do love her very much, we are happy "most" of the time, she seems to be able to live with it all with no regrets (as she has told me ion the past) so I dont like think of my wife in the way I do but, it haunts me every day it hurts our sex life, even though we attribute it to my lack of performance and Cialis is the cure! I have huge lack of respect for her past and her views on it!

To the Anti people of these posts, you realy have to walk a mile in the shoes of people who are experiencing these problems before you can offer any advice, it is like telling a drug addict, alcoholic or gambler to just...STOP! well not so easy, when you love someone, commit to them, share everything but you find out they are keeping things from you...."that are important to you" it can turn your life up side down! someone on here said, dont share any of your past, someone else said your past is no ones business?? what a load of ****! seriously, think about those comments, would you want your most trusted person in the world keeping things from you? and if they have a mindset about views you feel very strongly about, do you not think these should be discussed, explained and put to rest? I also hear dont judge me!! again what does this mean? dont judge me? why not? you, me, everybody is judged on our past, our performance our attitudes every day, our entire life is judged to get where we are or what we want, apply for a job what happens?, apply for a loan what happens? go to your doctor for help what happens? our past defines us as people...good or bad.. and if someone has a problem with our past that we are close to or bonding with, we have an obligation to reveal our lifestyle and what got us where we are! keeping secrets from loved ones is a ticking time bomb! I am sure my wife never dreamed I would find out the things I know about her, but poop always rises to the top eventually (and some loose lipped in-laws, open e-mail accounts, old letters and a diary) tend to spell a chapter about one's past!

Come clean, get all the cards on the table in the first hand, dont trap people and play with their emotions, everyone seems to agree our past defines us as people and was a manual of living so, there should be nothing to hide then, you are who you are and dont judge other people that are the closest to you for not agreeing with it, everyone has the right to choice, if you dont think your lover, husband or wife can live with the knowledge! then maybe you should be with someone else? but dont make their mind up for them by thinking what is best for them!

Twofaces

Jealousy is YOUR insecurity.

I think the whole subject is B.S. get over it.

Dont start trouble where there is none.

I also think some of these jealous ones are looking for a reason to fight, to find fault, to cause a problem.

Get some counseling or you could be running he risk of ruining your life for no damn good reason.

Thor

It is the lies not the sex which are the problem.

pastflame

Lies are the worst, doesn't give you a fare chance and it dont promote trust, again, if we are supposed to be products of our past experiences..."once a liar" or "once a cheat"! and if you dont discuss your mistakes with your partner, how would you expect them to understand and trust you would not be a repeat offender? some statistics say, once you cheat, the second time is easier? who knows.

I would be lying if I didn't admit the past sex is an issue, but it is only a byproduct from the lying, sure when I get up set I have visions of her with the other men, this is mostly because they have had what I expect to be exclusive between two people that love each other, they got it for just window shopping.. like a hand shake more or less or just showing up! Jealous? NOPE, I refuse to give them or her that satisfaction, if I were to admit to being jealous, that would mean I would be putting them on a higher level than me! no way, they are the ones that stole a woman from her husband and child, they are the ones that were banging her when she should have been home looking after her kid instead of clubbing and hunting for some new exciting player! Jealous hell no, just disappointed and a little short changed on true expectations of what I thought I had!

RandomDude

My coping mechanism for it is to find the hotness of it all. Unfortunately that just leads to me suggesting threesomes and swinging and her slapping me upside down the head each time telling me to FK off and that she's not my wh-re that I pass around to my mates and that she only wants one c--k and that's mine.

johnnycomelately

I would never have married a woman without an extensive sexual past.

If you want to marry a virgin you should be a virgin yourself and go and live in a traditional society somewhere. Women with experience are much more interesting.

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darrenk1

Glad you [QUOTE=johnnycomelately;1346072]17 years of happy, faithful marriage and two beautiful children, but thanks for the eloquent advice.[ hey no problem glad you liked it lol look obviously you have a past yourself and it doesn't bother you great it worked out for ya point is there's people with different morals and standards out there that value a women that treats something as important as sex as just that important not like having coffee .....I'm not saying women can't do what they want I'm saying be honest about it and look for someone that's similar in morals
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pastflame

[QUOTE=darrenk1;1346088]Glad you
And this is my point also, Honesty and the "option" to choose who you want to be with, I am not going to be self righteous and say my way is the best for everyone! I just was raised a certain way and have expectations that will fulfill me and make me content with the person I am sharing everything with, if that person cant be honest and let me choose for myself or at least give it the chance to come to terms with them, what are we ever going to have, if those past experiences need to be avoided or kept a secret, then there must be some seriousness to them and if you feel you need to keep them a secret then you realy are not ment to be together! unless you work for the CIA, secrets always come to the open, when arguing or loose lip friends or family or even the old BF's, someone will spill the beans... better it come from you then have your partner find out and time does not make it go away or ease the shock.

I am happy for the people that have a different view than me on sex or promiscuity in their life of their partners life, if you and they can live with it and be happy for the rest of your lives then you are lucky, it is only one hurdle in relationships, there will always (in most cases) be something that will take its place as a negative and one of you finds too much to handle, sex may just be low on that list of importance.

Honesty, no matter if you love the fact you husband or wife screwed 100 before you and you love it, the fact is you knew about it and excepted it, becuse you had that choice!

And my view on "experience" well my wife as pretty much been sleeping with men from the time she was 20 and she is now 46, 10-15 men in all that time with very little breaks in between each one of them and to me our sex is just sex, nothing earth shattering it gets the job done, I find that with all those memories and experiences just make it routine and business as usually, even a porn star can only take it so many ways and it's mission accomplished.

weightlifter

Jealous? Sorta. I just don't bring it up. As far as what I think ab
Out on a given day... Ranks about #99999.

EleGirl

There is no research that shows that women are more likely to cheat. Women cheat these days at a level close to men but still a few % points below the level men cheat at.

Women are these days are more likely to file for divorce. But it's often not the woman who actually ended the marriage. BOTH spouses share responsibility for the state of a bad/failed marriage.

I don't think that her post is attacking all men. I think it's addressing social norms.

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EleGirl

No one is advocating lying and misleading. That's not even what this thread is about.

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Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

EleGirl

Guess what... promiscuous men are messed up and generally make bad partners as well.

__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

EleGirl

Did you really just call Catherine602 a ho? A *****? Really? Do you know that personal attacks are against the forum rules?

Her post was about men who marry a woman whose sexual past he knows.. then he spends the next 20 years berating her for her past. If he was not ok with her past he should not have married her. That's the point.

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Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters