Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experiences
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experiences

I understand it's difficult feeling, but I am deeply saddened by the husbands/fiancees' who claim their " profound love " yet couldn't stop punishing their wives/fiancees for their honesty and the unchangeable past, questioning their morales ,values despite the fact the wives/fiancees have " done nothing but love me" .

I am not here to criticize their feelings are wrong; but what they are doing is very insulting and hurtful to the ones they claim to love deeply.

Retroactive Jealousy -- if you haven't already looked it up-- hope the information will help.

Retroactive-jealousy.com

10 Ways to Deal With Your Partner’s Sexual Past (Because You Have To)

Guidelines for dealing with (retroactive) jealousy - Conscious Loving Relationship Advice Forum & Community
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

It upsets me so much. One poster was married for 20 years, had children and a wife who was exemplary. He began to have problems and practically tortured his good wife because of his problem. I think women react as if the man is being reasonable and allow themselves to abused.

It is better to consider that their husband is mentally ill and tell him to get help. Set boundaries if he refuses to get help consider divorce . Has to treated like any other abusive relationship.

I really don't understand how a man who claims to love his partner can torture her? The judgement heaped on women is astounding to me. Both from the OP and men who pipe in about "values". I'll bet these guys with "values" look at porn, make comments to women in the street, talk about sex with women with the buddies.

There are the same guys who watch porn, have sowed their wild oats, applaud the married guy who is poking the cute secretary, think about having sex with random women or are having an affair or would if they could get away with it. I wonder where their "values" are? Ahh but these are just things that men do so it's OK. Doesn't mean they don't love their wives, doesn't make them bad men.

It seems that the value guys think men are inherently good and entitled to sexual expression any way they want and what ever they do does not effect their basic goodness. Besides it's the testosterone, seed spreading instincts that naturally can not be controlled.

Women on the other hand are evil temptress who need to be controlled by the value guys so that they have access when ever they want.

I think it is a remnant of bygone days when women were expected to be virgins while men weeded around. This BS will fade away when the men who came of age in repressive times are no longer exerting any influence. Men coming of age today just like men adapted to women voting, having careers, using birth control and being in positions of power.

I'd advise women not to divulge details about their sex lives. I don't understand why women do that. If the man insist on knowing drop him too much trouble. That will avoid many of these problems. That and avoiding sexually insecure men.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

What's with the vitrol Catherine? Hit too close to home?

I am not saying jealous men are justified but research shows women are more likely to cheat and more likely to initiate divorce, and while past events do not guarantee future results they sure do serve as an indicator. Do some reading on female hypergamy.

Don't try painting all men with the same brush. I haven't sowed wild oats, I haven't applauded the married guy who is poking the cute secretary, I haven't thought about having sex with random women or had an affair. In fact I was a virgin entering our marriage, whereas my wife came with "experience" ...

-e.p.
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Old 07-26-2011, 10:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

If a man is going to look down on his wife or think poorly of her for her past decisions and experience, than why marry her to begin with? My husband has only ever been with one other woman besides me, his high school girlfriend they lost their virginity to each other, and I...well...I've been with a handful of guys. Done lots of things I look back on now with some regret. But my husband loves me. He tells me my past doesn't matter because it's the *past*...I must agree men who are unable to live in the present with the woman they are married to now and who must constantly berate and put down their wives for things done in the past, especially things done before their relationship ever began, have some serious issues and should seek professional help to get past it if they truly love their partner. I am certainly not going to tolerate being treated poorly for things I did when I was younger. People change and mature. I'm definitely not the same person I was even three or four years ago. No one should be verbally abused or put down or made to feel bad for choices made in the past. Let ig to. Cause it can't be changed, and it doesn't say anything about the person they are today because even as adults most people continually grow and mature with time and life experience.
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Old 08-05-2011, 05:57 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

My wife were open about our sexual past which equated to us each having 1 partner before we met. I did not have a problem with that what has always bothered me is that it became quite obvious to me that he is the one she wanted but could not have (bad boy would not be approved of by her family and friends). I was Mr. Safe. Isn't that just what every guy wants to be.

How do I know this? I have always thought it but one of her closest confidants was relating this to someone and did not know I was within earshot. Nice eh? I have often heard my wife counsel daughters, nieces and other young women that it is always good to date a "bad boy" before you get married so you can get that out of your system. The only problem is that I do not believe he will ever be that from an emotional standpoint with her.
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Old 08-05-2011, 06:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

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Originally Posted by snared1 View Post
I have often heard my wife counsel daughters, nieces and other young women that it is always good to date a "bad boy" before you get married so you can get that out of your system. The only problem is that I do not believe he will ever be that from an emotional standpoint with her.
See and therein lies the problem. I once read be careful who you date because you never know who you will fall in love with.
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:24 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
It upsets me so much. One poster was married for 20 years, had children and a wife who was exemplary. He began to have problems and practically tortured his good wife because of his problem. I think women react as if the man is being reasonable and allow themselves to abused.

It is better to consider that their husband is mentally ill and tell him to get help. Set boundaries if he refuses to get help consider divorce . Has to treated like any other abusive relationship.

I really don't understand how a man who claims to love his partner can torture her? The judgement heaped on women is astounding to me. Both from the OP and men who pipe in about "values". I'll bet these guys with "values" look at porn, make comments to women in the street, talk about sex with women with the buddies.

There are the same guys who watch porn, have sowed their wild oats, applaud the married guy who is poking the cute secretary, think about having sex with random women or are having an affair or would if they could get away with it. I wonder where their "values" are? Ahh but these are just things that men do so it's OK. Doesn't mean they don't love their wives, doesn't make them bad men.

It seems that the value guys think men are inherently good and entitled to sexual expression any way they want and what ever they do does not effect their basic goodness. Besides it's the testosterone, seed spreading instincts that naturally can not be controlled.

Women on the other hand are evil temptress who need to be controlled by the value guys so that they have access when ever they want.

I think it is a remnant of bygone days when women were expected to be virgins while men weeded around. This BS will fade away when the men who came of age in repressive times are no longer exerting any influence. Men coming of age today just like men adapted to women voting, having careers, using birth control and being in positions of power.

I'd advise women not to divulge details about their sex lives. I don't understand why women do that. If the man insist on knowing drop him too much trouble. That will avoid many of these problems. That and avoiding sexually insecure men.
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ACTUALLY THERE ARE MEN WITH VALUES !!and its glaringly obvious you were one of these women that was at the bar with a new man everyweek! I am a man that's dealing with this and Letter me tell you its not abuse ???I was married 5 years and together 6and completely lied to about her sexual past I was told 10 its actually 25 and 18 one night stands AND NO I font thinks its ok or normal to do this man women anyone its disgusting sorry but it shows low morals ,and if your a mom then what are you doing?screw all the excuses .....low self worth bla bla bla its nasty and if your a man that's had low amount of parntners and you lived a good respected life then its ok to look for that in a women ...and we all deserve to the know THE TRUTH !!here's my opinion slits and scum bags can all go fu** all they want then date echother !! because the rest of us NORMAL people can date marry and live without being haunted ...to you I just wanna say your the twisted one to think that a hunband dissent have the right to be angry his wife screw all the guys in town
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

This is why you don't share every stinkin detail about your past. Holy hell. This is why you date for a long while before getting committed. Find out for yourself who the person is...don't taint it with sexual jealousy.

I never asked Hubs about his sexual past. I did ask if he'd ever cheated on someone (pretty soon into our relationship) and he said no, and that he'd only had 3 long term gf's. Awesome. he was 24. Good amount. I was 31 so my number was clearly going to be larger. It was. No one cared.
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:29 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

I think it is more likely a problem for some guys if the woman has done lots of things with previous men that she hasn't done with her husband. He feels cheated. Especially if their current sex life is boring.
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:29 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

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I think it is more likely a problem for some guys if the woman has done lots of things with previous men that she hasn't done with her husband. He feels cheated. Especially if their current sex life is boring.
Well, that's the woman's fault for telling her past secrets if she wasn't going to perform now.
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

This post is a year old.
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:31 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

I hate writing from my phone ...spelling is horrible lol
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

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This post is a year old.
HA! Still relevant. Stop tellin about your past, people!
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:50 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Yes if I'm denied something my wife of 20 years gave freely to other men before me then it hurts very much. But as long as I feel I get the best she has to offer then I don't care about her past.

Also, I think your full of **** trying to call Catherine a ****. Those comments were based on nothing but your own bias.
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Old 06-11-2012, 04:53 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Retroactive jealousy--To those who are bothered by wives' past sextual experience

Nope, I don't share my history with anyone. It's fairly obvious that I am not a virgin, but no one needs to know what kind of sex I had with my ex husband. Sorry, I don't think it's anyone's business what I did with the father of my children.
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