07-25-2011, 10:41 PM
Join Date: Jul 2011
| | Close to divorcing after 22 years - anyone out there?
Anyone have trouble after 22 years and make it?
My wife and I have four children, 20, 18, 16 and 8, have had marital problems since our first year of marriage. From the beginning, we had sex no more than once every few weeks. When I expressed my frustrations, she said "Is that why you married me, just to have sex?" Which hurt me, and of course I denied that was the reason. The sex life never improved, we have had no real intimacy over the years (save the four children which we are both grateful for), no real emotional intimacy. We've been to counseling three different sets of times, and here we are, in our 22nd year, on the verge of divorce. I'll make no excuses about it - I have been emotionally connected to several females at various "lows" in my marriage, but never anything physical. Long ago (Engaged Encounter/retreat weekend) she told me a teenager attempted to rape her when she was five. She never went to counseling for just that, and now tells me, all these years later, that her emotional issues with that kept her from enjoying sex with me for so many years. Now she says she enjoys sex, but I'm not interested anymore. And I love someone else. I feel terrible for many reasons; because I don't feel sexual toward my wife, because I've lost so many years carrying her past for her and her being unwilling to get counseling for it, and for the pain it will inevitably cause my children if we divorce. I want to divorce, and I still love my wife. Just not like I should. We have never really had that "best friend" bond that many married couples do. I feel alone and wish I could see a way through this -