Hello, and thank you for taking the time to read this. I'm a new member and this is my first post.
I've been married with my husband for the last 4years, we got married after knowing each other for few months. Been through marriage counselings in the past but currently not seeing any therapist. In the past we've been through a really rough patch where I emotionally cheated on my husband. My husband was so wonderful that we were able to put that past us and moved on and since then no infidelity. But we often have fights, which I believe is a normal behavior for couples. Everybody is different and when two get together there will always be disagreements and arguments.
My marriage is not in any disaster compared to those who are mentally stressed from their husband/wife being physically/mentally abusive. I'm not suffering from any major problem. But as my marriage go through series of fights and realizing some of the difference in our values, I'm beginning to question if my marriage is worth working on or if I should just move on before one of us just get "stuck" to the marriage.
I've noticed that when I get into arguments sometimes it happens because I'm sensitive to words that are being used and I feel as though I am personally being attacked. Then I start talking to my husband with bad attitude which starts an argument. I know that when I get upset I say things that sounds mean, but I am capable of preventing myself from saying things that are out of line. I don't start out with any cursing or say inappropriate things. However, I might say things like "you're being immature/selfish" when I don't know what to say while my husband imitate/mock or insult me in a childish manner.
My husband has this bad habit (in my opinion) of getting himself involved in stupid fights with other people. He likes to play computer games and there are many people on internet that likes to provoke others. And my husband likes to put his two cents into these fools that are not even worth talking to. I get really upset when he HAS to talk to these fools provoking people for fun and he gets really excited and start typing really aggressively and avoid anything around him. When I try to talk to him he completely ignores me (in his opinion, he just doesn't hear me) and get's annoyed if I try to make him pay attention to me.
From this behavior I realized that that's one of the reason why he likes to keep arguing with me even though he could have some fault for any arguments. He also have to be the last one to say something.
Another time he does things that I just cannot believe... One day when we were out got into a fight, got back to the car and he wanted to sit at the parking spot to try to talk it out. I was in no mood to talk and just wanted to go home so I can have some space. He didn't want to go though the whole not talking to each other for the rest of the night and wanted to get it over with so he locked us in the car. I've kept telling him that not giving me space and forcing me to try to talk to him when I'm upset is not doing any good. He finally got tired of hearing me complain and started the car. He was so upset and drove very aggressively. I've told him I wanted to get out and rather walk home if he was going to keep driving recklessly. He said no and "I don't care, you made me get pissed off" as if I am to blame for his reckless driving. I was holding on to my seat and anything I can grab on...I was so scared, he wouldn't stop at all, kept speeding up really fast and make harsh turns.
I was so disgusted by his behavior. He didn't care that I was scared for my life.
It seems like once he gets to a certain point of anger he can get really nasty. He doesn't hesitate at all to bad mouth me even though I am the person he loves and cares about. He talks to me like I'm worthless to him. I came to think that he treats me like he treats his mother.
He had a pretty rough childhood. His mother has bipolar disorder, very bad attitude. From what my husband told me she used to physically/verbally abuse my husband. I'm not sure how abusive she was.
What happened to him is horrible but I'm starting to think he might have some similarity. When he get's upset, he easily curse me out and when he gets even more upset he shouts/yell really loud as if to scare me and his behavior get's really crazy.
The other day we got into argument and I said something that irritated him, as I was in the bathroom to pee he came hunting down and opened the door while I was trying to do my business and started shouting/yelling at me. My pants were down and everything while sitting on the toilet....how embarrassing...he was holding to the door knob so tight I tried to take his hands off so I can close it but he's too strong for me. When I pushed him to let go of the handle he said with such anger and threat to me "do not F*** touch me!!!!"
So here I am wondering with certain things that I just cannot let go, if this marriage is worth holding onto. I don't think I can go on with someone that can potentially hurt me or even just verbally abusive me with no feeling. I've asked him to be more compassionate and he doesn't want to. What do I do?
again thank you for reading such long thread
Any advice is appreciated