husband doesn't want to spend time with wife

mrsmo · 11-13-2008, 06:09 AM

just tonight my husband told me that he realized that he doesn't like spending time with me. he expressed his sadness with this. I've realized that I don't like spending time with him either. our reasons are that we fight all the time and we love eachother so much and we just don't like to fight with eachother. when he comes home he goes directly to our room and plays video games. i get off the computer (which is in our room) because his games are too loud and i go into the livingroom to watch tv. and then we stay in seperate rooms until dinner then back to our own thing then bed. i haven't been able to sleep at night and just this morning i had a dream that he ditched me on a date but i just took his sh@ which meant to me like i'm insecure or something, which i realized that i am. we're drifting and i'm worried that if we don't fix this then he'll find someone else (another woman) that he likes to spend time with more than me. i know that we need conseling but it's too expensive for us. we've only been married for a year and a couple of months. please, any suggestions.

Amplexor · 11-13-2008, 08:17 AM

First off what do you fight about? Money, sex or little things that mean nothing? You are both avoiding each other with mindless distractions. Since you have no kids plan a couple of date nights. Get out of the house and do things together. Things that provide interaction. Dinner, bowling, dancing….. Don’t just go to a movie and zone out. Do things that foster conversation and laughter. Begin to communicate.

swedish · 11-13-2008, 08:18 AM

What sort of things are you fighting about? The first year of marriage can be difficult if you weren't living together prior. There are many adjustments.

mrsmo · 11-13-2008, 08:26 PM

we fight about really dumb things. just argue and then we get mad at eachother for being rude and then it turns into a fight. most of the time it's money. we haven't fought about sex in a while. it's just dumb stuff. i've suggested going rollerskating with him because we would interact and it's kind of cheat since we don't have a lot of money, but he just doesn't like to do things. i knew that he didn't because when we were first started dating the only reason he would leave his house is if i wasn't able to hang out with him there and we would have to go somewhere else like the mall. but now that he sees me everyday there seems to be no reason to do anything for him. i want to go walk to the park but he doesn't like to do that. he always has excuses not to get up and do anything. maybe i just need to explain to him that one of the reasons why we wanted to spend so much time together so much before is because we actually did things and interacted and we always found out new things about eachother. I don't know. he just doesn't like to do things.

mrsmo · 11-13-2008, 08:27 PM

and i think that we've gotten past the first-year-fights because we don't fight as much or as bad as we used to when we first moved in after we got married. we've pretty much gotten used to eachother's habbits

Amplexor · 11-14-2008, 08:43 AM

My personal experience tells me that when a couple fights about nothing they are avoiding the true issues in the marriage. The only way things will get better for the two of you is to start to communicate these deeper issues. I know it is over hyped here but the two of you should read “The Five Languages of Love” by Chapman. It can really help to see what tells your mate that you love them. If he doesn’t like to go out then try playing cards or board games together. You are currently separated in your own house and need to find ways to spend time together.

mrsmo · 11-15-2008, 05:21 PM

he doesn't like to play boardgames or play cards either. i've tried everything (I think) interactive i can think of. he just doesn't like it. so now i'm stuck. i'll look for that book at the library. it might help thanks

draconis · 11-15-2008, 07:21 PM

Have you thought about playing the video games he is into?

draconis

mrsmo · 11-15-2008, 09:54 PM

i've played his video games with him. it makes me feel really icky though because they're so violent. I don't even like really scary movies or movies with too much gore or war movies. i just don't i feel really bad when i watch them.

draconis · 11-15-2008, 09:58 PM

HAve you tried to think of some other game that the two of you could play together, maybe social isn't his thing but something like second life might appeal to you if he can be a part of it.

draconis

mrsmo · 11-15-2008, 10:09 PM

I don't know what second life is.

draconis · 11-15-2008, 10:18 PM

It is a MMO based on the idea of playing people in social enviroments. You can date, marry, start a business, build a house, make friends kind of like sims but much more indepth.

draconis

mrsmo · 11-17-2008, 06:06 PM

that sounds cool. but what else could i do besides zoning out to video games to spend time with my husband?

Blanca · 11-17-2008, 06:11 PM

Does he like sports? my H loves it when i get him basketball tickets and watch it with him.

mayhem · 04-20-2010, 12:38 AM

I am having the same issues with my husband.. he doesnt wanted to anything but watch his movies and play video games.. i myself enjoy playing games too... but i now resent them due to the fact that they take away so much from our marriage. i am at the point of saying we are to different... i cant even get him to walk with me... always with the excuses and always doesn't want to do anything.... its a horrible feeling.....so i know how yah feel