Hurting08, I specifically posted in this thread as I believe it's the source of the problem. The other man is just a reaction to what is not being dealt with. When a couple in a relationships needs are not being met, they'll try to meet them by external means. This has an effect to break down the relationship the couple has together even further cause they've stopped relating to each other.
The obvious signs is they start withdrawing from each other because their needs aren't being met. It's very subtle at first, but as less and less needs are being met, they start to yearn for them more and more. So when an opportunity comes by that can meet their needs, it becomes very attractive and they're drawn towards it. Many times unconsciously too without meaning to hurt the other partner.
Meeting needs externally can happen in many ways, they may withdraw to other friends, kids, family, jobs, games, hobbies, alchohol, drugs, as a few examples.
To meet her needs you must aim to fulfill they following 6 needs on a level of 8-10.
4. Connection and Love
Meet these needs in her eyes, not yours on a score of 8-10 on each one of them and you'll have a relationship like you've never experience before.
How do you meet those needs? That's a very good question. The best way is to ask questions and to answer them truthfully and honestly.
Questions guide you to the answers you seek, but make sure they're quality questions. Ask lousy questions and you'll get lousy answers.
So some examples of a good quality questions are:
In your wifes eyes, how can you give your wife certainty on a level 8-10 to meet her needs?
In your wifes eyes, how can you spice up the relationship with variety and have a whole lot of fun in the process?
In your wifes eyes, how can you regain your wifes trust and make her feel like she's the most important person in the world, while respecting you as "HER" man?
These are just some examples of the quality questions you can ask. You may be able to come up with better ones. Keep asking questions that address meeting all the 6 human needs. Once you're able to fulfill all 6 on a level 8-10, there is no need for her to meet her needs externally.
See the difference in approach? One is in reaction while another (this one specifically) is in response.
You can claim your woman and your marrage back if you're commited and that is what you desire. The truth is, this is what you want and the kind of person you are (and many other things like caring and loving), otherwise you wouldn't have stood up as a man and asked for help.
So I hope that gives you enough insight to what is really going on so you can start dealing with the real problems and not just reacting to them. If the community can help out in any other ways, just let us know