11-13-2008, 03:52 PM
Join Date: Nov 2008
| | husband distance physically after witnesses childbirth
I'm a very frustrated new mother and wife. One of the main issues on hand is the lost of faith... i longer trust my husband to be there for me, defend me, to hold me or comfort me..
I'm not talking about cheating or such but more like, my husband is not being "husband-ny".
I hope to seek some advice from couples whom have encounter the same experience and how things are concluded or solved.
It started from my pregnancy, my husband never read up or find out on pregnancy. Don't misunderstood me, he didn't mis-treated me nor didn't want this pregnancy. There are times where he would be all excited to put his hand on my belly and feel the baby and all. But there are times when i was emotionally down, physically insecure he didn't comfort and encourage me.
I had a hard time dealing with his many single and crude friends. One of them made comment at my 7th month pregnant body that my breast are bigger than my belly. I felt insulted but my husband didn't recognize that and join in the joke instead of defending me.
Through out the whole 10 months, i felt extremely lonely. my families are far away, i'm new to his country of residence and i can't blend in with his networks of friends. Minor frustrations started to build but the biggest blow to me was...
After my delivery, he got physically distant from me. He no longer touches me nor even hold my hands. when i needed just a hugs or a kiss from all the tiring nights of breastfeeding, he was stiff and does it in a go through action manner. I don't know if his is turned off by my body or what... i am having very low self esteem and low morale.
2 months after the birth, i finally calmed myself down enough to talk to him. Apparent, he told me the whole birthing experience is too overwhelming for him and he felt very traumatize. He was by my side during the time of birth and he didn't see much of the actual action. After more probing, he confesses that it's the blood spilling and a bloody looking placenta that haunt him now and then. I tried my best to understand from his position but i couldn't stomach it.
I went through 10 months of hardwork physically, mentally and emotionally carrying our child and gave birth to a beautiful daughter. Now all of this is rewarded by this?! I look at my daughter and tears swell in my eyes all the time, why aren't we both being cuddle by daddy like this is a very joyous event in our life?
I'm very extremely hurt and is so disappointed that i'm thinking of leaving this man. But whenever i sees my daughter, i have 2nd thoughts. I hope to give us another go to work it out. Hope to get some advice from this forum as i couldn't convince him to find a counselor.
Need much help.