I love my husband so, so much, but his negative attitude and mean behavior can be too much for me. Here is a background on things:
My husband and I have been together for nearly five years. We are both in our mid-twenties. We have been inseparable since day one and still have a wonderful, loving connection. We are both very smart and also care about making the relationship better.
He can be very loving and really is always very attuned to my emotions and generally feels very concerned about my happiness. However, he has this unusual nature about him that I can only begin to sum up by listing the following qualities: - He is very, very critical and judgemental of others. While he does focus some of this on me, it seems to come at everyone equally. Example
: He often tells others, including me, how to do "this" and "that" and how we should be a certain way. It seems to come from a know-it-all type of attitude. He often gets into heated arguments with his mother about things as trivial as household electronics and how to use them (she approaches them with caution because she's older, and he approaches them with attitude, because he's a tech junkie) - He can be extremely irritable. Example
: There was a fly at a restaurant the other day and it buzzed around him a handful of times. He got this look of anger and disgust and didn't seem to be able to get over it. He wanted to leave. I didn't think it was a big deal at all. He gets that irritable scowl very often in similar situations. Honestly, I think it's extremely childish.
- He is snarky and razor-tongued. This behavior is particularly hurtful when he turns it on me. Example
: I was working on organizing around the house the other day, mixed with breaks where I was working on work-related stuff for my business. He was aware of my activities and knew I was spending my time on important, legitimate stuff. When I went to see him off in the evening when he left for a work-related engagement that we both would ordinarily attend, I said "sorry I can't join you, I just want to get things done around here" and he replied, "Well just make sure you do", which just seemed really snarky considering that I was working on the stuff all day. He also just makes snide little comments toward me and anyone else that he disagrees with. Often times it has to do with food.
: His parents will ask us to go to dinner at some place that he isn't in the mood for. He will make comments about how unhealthy the food is, but if he had been in the mood for it, of course he wouldn't comment. - He is hypocritical and holds double standards. Example
: He is very, very hard on me for being messy. Admittedly, I am moderately messy, but it's usually only in times of transition where I'm trying to find places for things, like the handful of times we've moved. We have moved four times in the five years we've been together. At the same time he criticizes me about mess, his clothes are strewn about, and if he takes his pants off, they stay right where they landed in the first place. Example
: If I bake cookies, he will eat like 8 of them in a row, in one sitting. He then gives me a hard time if I want to get some Taco Bell late at night if I haven't eaten much during the day. However, of course if he's the one in the mood for Taco Bell, he won't say anything about it. - He is disrespectful by default.
He tends to think that others aren't smart or worthy of his respect, so he automatically discounts their opinions, talks over them, preaches to them, etc.
Anyway, he just has kind of a mean-spiritedness about him in these instances. I try to make sure that I'm not just being overly-sensitive, and I think I'm correct. He is very audacious and outspoken as well. Again, I love him so much for all of his good qualities, including intelligence, commitment, loyalty, ethics and values, sense of humor, but the bad qualities are just so glaring and frustrating to deal with. He even has a gentleness about him in that he loves animals and babies and he seems to care abstractly about humanity, but when it comes to people in real life he can be so unforgiving.