feelings hurt ....

Kingfish · 07-31-2011, 10:32 AM

My wife and I been together for 15 yrs ...We feel we have the a better relationship than anyone . We trust each other .Have a great kid.I have a successful business and she works full time in a local dentist office.Life is great.
We go to dinners and weekend trips with her sister and husband we will call him Mitch.Her sister and Mitch have been together since college .
Mitch comes from a rich family and they live in the big city.Wine and dine with lots of wealthy people.
Getting to the point.In the 15 yrs together my wife and I have confronted her twice on the attention she gives Mitch.Once a few years back and the other this weekend.To clarify this we kid around and joke all the time with Mitch and her sister.But I know when we are hanging out for long periods of time her attention to is stronger with him more than any of the other couples.For instance .Her eyes are on him and his on her during a group conversation.The signs such as smiling at him and the laughing at comments that he makes and no one else is laughing . Twirling her hair will talking to him.when sitting at the table facing him more than any other 8 people at the table.
This never occurs with any other couples we hang out with.
I did confront her on this and she is very hurt about it.Im hurt to watch my heart and soul giving him this attention.
Please help me get over this little matter that hurts alot.

ArabianKnight · 07-31-2011, 10:43 AM

what does her sister say about it?

Kingfish · 07-31-2011, 11:00 AM

Her sister is very jealous and we would never tell her about this ..If it were more than this I would tell her.
This situation is small .Im trying to get over my hurt.I trust my wife still.I probably should put on my big boy pants and get over it dont u think?

Jellybeans · 07-31-2011, 11:02 AM

Well the situation is not "small" because it's clearly bothering you and upset her when you called her on it.

Your instinct is probably right. Especially if she keeps doing it.

You need to talk to her stat.

chapparal · 07-31-2011, 11:02 AM

Google womens body language sexual attraction and compare the signs. Then see how many you have observed. Your gut is telling you something and you should check it out. If it is so obvious you are this distressed you cannot just brush it off. Hope this turns out to be nothing but like everyone on this site says "trust your gut".

AFEH · 07-31-2011, 11:04 AM

Your wife is obviously flirting with Mitch. There could be a number of reasons 1) It’s a natural attraction 2) She’s trying to make you jealous 3) She’s trying to make her sister jealous 4) She’s trying to prove something to her sister etc.

I’m of the mind that women are typically aware of what they do every minute of the day. How they look, how they’re looking, who they’re looking at, what messages they’re giving out etc. etc. So whatever you are seeing is exceptionally deliberate on your wife’s behalf. Even brushing back her hair, which is a very strong come on signal.

I doubt your wife will be honest with her motivations about flirting. It sounds like she’s using denial, see Defence Mechanisms: Manning Up!. It’s a difficult one. I hope others can offer you solutions where I can’t.

AFEH · 07-31-2011, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kingfish

Her sister is very jealous and we would never tell her about this ..If it were more than this I would tell her.
This situation is small .Im trying to get over my hurt.I trust my wife still.I probably should put on my big boy pants and get over it dont u think?

I think there’s your answer. Your wife is probably playing mind feck with her sister. Reasons probably go way back to childhood. Not nice that.

AFEH · 07-31-2011, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kingfish

Her sister is very jealous and we would never tell her about this ..If it were more than this I would tell her.
This situation is small .Im trying to get over my hurt.I trust my wife still.I probably should put on my big boy pants and get over it dont u think?

If it were more than what you are seeing at the moment, by that time it may well be too late. Stitch in time and all that.

What’s Mitch’s demeanour like when your wife is flirting with him, his body language etc.

meson · 07-31-2011, 11:15 AM

I did the same things your wife is doing with one of my wife's friends. My wife noticed but never confronted me or talked to me about it. I wish she had because perhaps I would have recognized my feelings were headed in the wrong direction sooner.

chapparal · 07-31-2011, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AFEH

I think there’s your answer. Your wife is probably playing mind feck with her sister. Reasons probably go way back to childhood. Not nice that.

I think the hair twisting thing is subconcious but it is the kind of thing a man notices. If your sister in law is the jealous type she should have noticed if it was directed at making her jealous. You noticed big time so does Mitch.

Another thing , if she really thought you were being silly she should have laughed it off. Sounds more like she's acting as if she had been caught. Does that sound like too much being read into the situation at the time?

F-102 · 07-31-2011, 11:22 AM

I wonder if she would act the same way around Mitch if he wasn't so well to do.

Kingfish · 07-31-2011, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AFEH

Your wife is obviously flirting with Mitch. There could be a number of reasons 1) It’s a natural attraction 2) She’s trying to make you jealous 3) She’s trying to make her sister jealous 4) She’s trying to prove something to her sister etc.

I’m of the mind that women are typically aware of what they do every minute of the day. How they look, how they’re looking, who they’re looking at, what messages they’re giving out etc. etc. So whatever you are seeing is exceptionally deliberate on your wife’s behalf. Even brushing back her hair, which is a very strong come on signal.

I doubt your wife will be honest with her motivations about flirting. It sounds like she’s using denial, see Defence Mechanisms: Manning Up!. It’s a difficult one. I hope others can offer you solutions where I can’t.

she doesnt realize the mild flirt....your natural attraction would be the only one i could agree with.