Re: Screwed up badly! Lost her trust.
First of all, I am so sorry you grew up with parents who pressured you so much. I've seen firsthand what this does to kids.
Second, great job recognizing you have an issue with being truthful. As you say, often times lying is about not wanting to deal with the consequences of the truth. But as you have learned, lying always bites you in the butt.
You need to develop some self-compassion. I swear to God, when you learn how to forgive yourself for not being perfect and to fully accept who you are, life becomes wondeful. All those things holding you back (other people's opinions, your own self-loathing) melts away and you can see the world more clearly.
At this point, talk it cheap. Your wife wants to see your actions, not hear your words because your wife can't trust your words right now.
Find a clinical psychologist (not just any old therapist) who can help you work on self-acceptance and compassion. You may need to break away a bit from your parents, too, given that they expect you to live for them. You need to learn how to be your own man.
And regarding the chewing tobacco - you are a grown man. You have a right to chew tobacco if you want. No, it's not healthy for you, but your wife has no right to control your habits. Chewing tobacco is something YOU need to give up on your own....or not. A good therapist can help you create some healthy ways to assert yourself so that you are more your own person. When you are okay with who you are, you will feel comfortable setting some personal boundaries - like telling your wife that your chewing habit is your thing to do or not do. It doesn't make you a bad person to chew and it's not a moral failing to want to do it. We all have our vices. Yeah, there are some risks, but again, if you want to do it, you should be free to do it or not.
Hope what I'm saying makes sense. If you can find a good therapist (psychologist), they can really help you with the issues you have mentioned. Good luck!