Wife is behaving weird. Need some input - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 918Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 03:41 PM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 8,774
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Be cautious and discreet. People will blab to your wife about your questions and actions.

Thor is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 04:26 PM
Forum Supporter
 
MarriedDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: ORYGUN
Posts: 1,850
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

If you know this woman's name, address, etc...have you done some standard internet searches?

Cheap and easy.
Posted via Mobile Device

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
MarriedDude is offline  
post #33 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 06:08 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 354
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Is your wife's birthday or any special occasion coming up in the next 3 to 4 months? You could plan a surprise birthday party for her. And of course her best dear friend would need to be invited! Drive to this woman's house, ring the door bell. Let this woman or her husband (if he answers the door) that you are planning a very special surprise party this year, that you did not trust sending a text or email as your wife might catch on. Then say you wanted her best friend to be there of course. You could then ask for a list and contact info for others they both knew from school to invite them too. Just see how this woman reacts. Maybe this isn't even someone she knew from school in which case this woman won't be able to give names of others they knew. If she is much younger or much older that will tell you also that is not how they know each other.

Before you do that though, have a VAR in the bedroom your wife skirts off to to talk to her friend and another one in the car. If this is not a legit old classmate, her friend will be calling to give your a wife a heads up on your visit.

It is very strange that your wife said you would never get to meet this friend. Why? I cannot think of a legit reason for that. My husband has met anyone that I talk to on a regular basis just because they stop by or he answers the phone and chats a second or two as anyone would with normal human social skills before handing me the phone.

I would be so tempted to stake their house out just to see who lives there. You gone 5 years wondering these things? You are more patient or less curious than I could ever be!
Abc123wife is online now  
 
post #34 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 06:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 354
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deguello View Post
The best thing for me,is to treat this like a"mission",the first RECON is this weekend
Restaurant,this woman's house,My wife will be out of town with her sister,I need to find out how much her family actually knows,I can't believe everyone is "in the dark" on this.
Deguello
Are you absolutely sure she is going away with her sister? Her sister wouldn't cover for her, would she? Is it an event that you will she pictures from afterward?
Abc123wife is online now  
post #35 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 06:30 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: California
Posts: 58
I would put a spy app on her phone. That's a goldmine. GPS on her person instead of the car. It gives you the texts. You can record the phone calls. It was very affordable compared to a PI. You can block apps remotely. You can block numbers remotely.
Stang197 is offline  
post #36 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 06:45 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: DEU-EU
Posts: 750
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Sorry you are here my friend,especcially after 42 years of marriage.

You need to keep your eyes open. Your wife goes out with "someone" for FIVE years and you dont even know who she/he is!!!

After being married for so long,why is she hiding her body from you and she said to you that sex is obligation to her ?

This smells really bad to me. She could meet with some guy or guys for five years.

You need to check her emails and phone records. Follow her when she goes out. It is your life and your wife so you have a right to know what is she doing.

If she keeps snaping at you then told her you would not tolerate this anylonger.You are her husband and her best friend so why is she having secrets behind your back !
Be smart is offline  
post #37 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 07:04 PM
Member
 
F-102's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Chicago 'burbs
Posts: 3,564
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

My W is Korean, and they have an old saying there: "When the wives get together, the dishes will break at home". Perhaps she and her friend are in a "My H is a bigger jackass than yours is" competition, or her friend is re-introducing her to the single party girl lifestyle. Either way, this friend is toxic.

Another possibility: perhaps this friend knows something about your W from her past, before she met you...something that she is deeply ashamed of. Maybe she doesn't want you to meet this friend, for fear that she will let the cat out of the bag?

"I've listened to preachers, I've listened to fools, I've watched all the dropouts, who make their own rules..."
F-102 is offline  
post #38 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 07:35 PM
Forum Supporter
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 5,500
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

This is really suspicious. You need to get to the bottom of this, and fast.
I agree with the VAR suggestion. It's a lot cheaper than any other way to find out what is really going on.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
tech-novelist is offline  
post #39 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-08-2015, 09:53 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,419
Sorry you're here deguello. But in addition to getting to the bottom of this, you need to get your head screwed on right about something.

You say divorce is off the table - you weren't raised that way. This attitude has to be checked and put into the proper context.

Everyone wants your marriage to be protected. But that assumes you both are honoring your marriage vows - and if she isn't, she can be put back on a path to honor them without having caused irreconcilable damage to the marriage.

Unfortunately, it's been 5 years and if something bad is up, you have every right to protect and honor yourself.

Marriage is a partnership and not a life sentence. You were not raised to suffer in a relationship with someone who is dishonest, untrustworthy, disrespectful, deceitful, and who lacks integrity. I honestly hope your spouse is not these things, but if her actions prove otherwise,there is no honor in suffering for a false ideal.

So please don't declare failure and concede defeat on principal before you have the facts. I have over 30 years with my W too and understand your values, but i have read too many painful stories to believe that ideals should overrule reality.

So let's keep the eyes and ears open, keep cautious skepticism at the forefront, and a realistic view of your own value above the ideals of marriage as a concept. I wish you well.
TheTruthHurts is offline  
post #40 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 08:27 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,153
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deguello View Post
I asked when we were going to have dinner,socialize,I was told in a hostile manner,"That was not going to happen,ever!"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deguello View Post
She told me the other day,I'll have sex with you because it is an "OBLIGATION" because we're married,but you have to initiate. I do not think that normal.
Deguello

Unfortunately, wives falling out of love with their husbands is VERY normal. And from what I can tell from reading this and other forums, sex as an obligation is very much the norm.

I do not know what your wife is up to. Neither do ANY of these other posters. You need to find out. No doubt. Investigate the VAR route. Just prepare for the fact that she doesn't love you any more. That's one thing I KNOW.

MachoMcCoy is offline  
post #41 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 08:49 AM
Member
 
weightlifter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NE US
Posts: 4,135
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

A Sony VAR is cheaper and usually faster. See top link in my signature for instructions. Dont follow her in YOUR car. Consider using a trusted friend.
weightlifter is offline  
post #42 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 02:11 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Deguello's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Westcoast us
Posts: 314
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

I now know WHO she is,Where she lives. I have an address,Husband, adult children.Maiden name I'm doing some recon later...I also have a plan for the next lunch.
Deguello
Deguello is offline  
post #43 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-09-2015, 03:46 PM
Member
 
Catherine602's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,362
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

If your plan to confront your wife at lunch, be prepared for an extremely negative response. If you plan is to make sure she is actually lunching with this woman, will that be enough to make the friendship palatable? No matter what you find, nothing changes the need to talk to your wife and set limits for what you will tolerate. What are the limits and what happens if she violates them?

My advice is to carefully consider what you want. If it's a close friendship as she says, it might be best to let it go. I doubt that you will be able to change her attachment to this woman. If she feels there is no risk that she will lose anything she values more then she has no incentive to disengage.

My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! Anon Pink

Last edited by Catherine602; 10-09-2015 at 03:54 PM.
Catherine602 is offline  
post #44 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-10-2015, 01:17 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Deguello's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Westcoast us
Posts: 314
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

I did a Recon this evening,got some good intel,drove by the other woman's house,nothing obvious,got a good story going about getting a call from an old high school buddy,sounds like she bought it.
She did agree to leave the GPS on on her smart phone when she went to eastern oregon with her sister. The investigation continues

Deguello
Deguello is offline  
post #45 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-10-2015, 01:23 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Deguello's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Westcoast us
Posts: 314
Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
If your plan to confront your wife at lunch, be prepared for an extremely negative response. If you plan is to make sure she is actually lunching with this woman, will that be enough to make the friendship palatable? No matter what you find, nothing changes the need to talk to your wife and set limits for what you will tolerate. What are the limits and what happens if she violates them?

My advice is to carefully consider what you want. If it's a close friendship as she says, it might be best to let it go. I doubt that you will be able to change her attachment to this woman. If she feels there is no risk that she will lose anything she values more then she has no incentive to disengage.
I really do not plan a "confrontation,I believe that would be counter-productive at best,I not sure what I want at this point,except to know ever we stand.does that make sense?
Deguello
Deguello is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Advice for my folks - dad behaving badly Healer General Relationship Discussion 6 05-31-2015 12:59 PM
Wife acting weird..really weird Diesel_Bomber Considering Divorce or Separation 15 09-07-2013 08:33 PM
Not cheating....but behaving like you are. Cee Paul Coping with Infidelity 15 08-15-2012 11:04 PM
Adult children behaving badly Colette Nolan The Family & Parenting Forums 2 07-12-2011 05:02 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome