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post #61 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 11:49 AM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

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Originally Posted by Deguello View Post
If this relationship is as it seems,I don't have a problem with it,however if it is what it seem why the deception? There are too many anomalies that raise "Red Flags" for me,just since this started 5 years ago,I may be too trusting or just naive I don't. Know,but I'm not a big fan of "coincidence "and it's the deception,I am not perfect,I'm. In recovery from a porn addiction,and have been sober for a while now,almost two years,I have trust issues with women,she has trust issues with me because of porn. Something smell bad and it ain't. My feet.does that clear things up?
Deguello
This is a completely different story with the revelation of addictions. The part about the drinking problem and porn addiction is very significant. Her friendship with this woman started while you were in the throws of double demons. You were still drinking for the first 3 yrs of the friendship. She appears to have established an emotionally intimate relationship with someone to fill a void that should have been occupied by a husband?

Not blaming you. It is not so difficult to see why she formed this friendship at a time that you were not present emotionally. What was really going on when the friendship started and flourished? Now that you are sober and have your addiction under control, you want to improve your relationship. If this is a fair assessment then you have to acknowledge what factors may have driven her obsession with this woman.

This friendship may have sustained her through difficult times. You are asking her to give it up and trust that you will not withdraw into your addictions. I don't know how many times during the marriage you tried to beat your addictions but, she may not trust you.


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Last edited by Catherine602; 10-11-2015 at 11:53 AM.
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post #62 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 11:49 AM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

#1 chill.

#2 go dark. Do not let on that you're fussed by this.

#3 gather data -- as much as you can get your hands on.

#4 consider your options.
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post #63 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 03:24 PM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Please quit ****ing around and find out what is going on.

Five years with your head in the sand? C'mon.

Get pi$$ed please and get to the bottom of this.

I sit here positive I could have this all figured out in 72 hours with very little effort. So frustrating you are so passive while she sneaks around, has secrets and acts weird as he11 without your asking her wtf

If my wife would have said I would never meet some friend, I would have looked into that immediately. FIVE YEARS AND NOTHING!!! WOW!!!

Take control of your life and future please. Jeepers. This passive attitude is beyond frustrating to support.

Get a friggen move on NOW.

How much energy has been put into wondering. Reinvest it in finding out what the he11 is going on with her
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post #64 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 05:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Needle,
I really appreciate your gentle kick in the ass,not needed, but thanks. I am going to do this on my terms,I am in tactical control as of this morning,I have some good intel,but that information is compartmentalized.It would be a tactical error to broadcast it on social media,
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post #65 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-11-2015, 08:34 PM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

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I am in tactical control as of this morning,I have some good intel,but that information is compartmentalized.It would be a tactical error to broadcast it on social media,
Deguello
10-4 Delta One, the Eagle has landed and the baby is in the batter.

Or something like that
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post #66 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 10:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

This is Deguello.
I'm going out on a limb here,at very least,my Wife is having an EA,
With her "friend"(Ruth),so I'm going to stop being a "nice guy"because it is not helping things,I am going to be more assertive about everything,Mr. Nice has left the building,we'll see how she responds,
Now, before everybody jumps on me for being an *******,she is still MY WIFE,I still love her very much,but this is not doing either one of us any good,I will have ears and if possible eyes on her as much as possible by the end of today. Your input is still valuable to me thanks.
Deguello.
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post #67 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-12-2015, 02:29 PM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Degulleo,

You do want to catch her with the goods however, if she takes it underground you will get denial and resentment for the rest of your life, but never a full confession.

There are many here, myself included, who did not get what they needed when they should have and paid the price of having to live with uncertainty.

Good luck on your mission don't blow your camouflage!

I suspect you will find that this is a continuation of an earlier physical affair.

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post #68 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 09:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

I'm not sure what catching her with the goods would look like,I don't want to let her know that's. I know,I'm getting an STDS test done,and have an appt.with a mental health professional
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post #69 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 10:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Last night my wife asked me when I was going to start taking night shifts again?.(I'm a substitute Custodian).She encouraged to do so,"because you like being available for you dad" my reply was"I don't know",she asked me the same question again this morning.
Considering our current situation,would that raise red flags for anyone else,it did for me,anyone else feel that way?
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post #70 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 11:16 AM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Dammit, Deguello, don't you see, you're supposed to give her your schedule, and that schedule had better be filled with time away from home, so she can start planning her OM's visits.

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post #71 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 11:22 AM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

What I would do is set up a honeypot scenario - tempt her by telling her that you're going away for the weekend or working a few nights this week.

Then, instead of working or going away, go magnum PI on her.
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post #72 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 03:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

So I gather that I am not the only one who smells a rat here.Just wanted a second opiinon that why being a substitute is so much fun,I don't know when I am working,and neither does she
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post #73 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 03:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

I'll consider that plan in the works,good Idea...
D
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post #74 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 04:28 PM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

Badass name by the way.... Deguello... the song the Mexicans played to the boys at the Alamo....


Your best bet, if you are really concerned about what is happening, is to hire a PI. Good PIs have all the equipment and means to find out what is going on with her. It would be money well spent. It will also save you time.
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post #75 of 800 (permalink) Old 10-15-2015, 06:19 PM
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Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

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So I gather that I am not the only one who smells a rat here.Just wanted a second opiinon that why being a substitute is so much fun,I don't know when I am working,and neither does she
Deguello
So tell her you're working 3 nights next week and get a camera ready and start planning your surveillance.

Don't be surprised at what you're going to find.
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