Re: Wife is behaving weird. Need some input
She's just like millions of women - sex isn't that important to her, never will be, likely. In my experience over the years, what I see is that, once the PEA chemicals (lust) is gone from the marriage, unless a woman is biologically HD, she won't care about sex any more UNLESS the marriage is VERY healthy, VERY equal, VERY safe, and VERY fulfilling. With all those things, she'll look at you with joy and excitement and WANT to consummate as a way of bonding even further.
Poopoo my theory all you want (and I know many of you are just itching to do so), but it bares out. It's just what happens. That's why the #1 issue men come to forums for or read books for is GETTING MORE AND BETTER SEX. And the #1 issue women do the same is for being in a marriage in which the man fails to learn, acknowledge, let alone address, what SHE needs in the marriage to have those feelings.
My opinion is that it's because men are raised by women and, typically, grew up taking the 'woman's role' for granted - mothering, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. - these were always all done FOR him so he not only paid no attention to who was doing it, but he gave no credit for who was doing it; he just expects it to all go smoothly.
But what happens, more often than not, is that the man is CONTENT, because at first all his needs are being met - admiration, sex, domestic support, admiration. Then kids come along and the woman is not only expected to keep all those going, but she also has to now divide her time between those, the housework, and raising kids. While he continues to blissfully enjoy the benefits. She starts getting frustrated; even if he 'tries' to help with things, in reality he's most likely still 'letting' her be responsible for everything. Her resentment grows, her desire for him reduces as he's the source of most of her resentment, he may SAY he'll step up but rarely does, cycle cycle cycle...until she frankly couldn't care LESS about having sex with the person responsible for the resentment and then HE gets upset and HAS NO CLUE why she's upset because he never really took her seriously when she complained.
You'll see this play out in almost every.single.book about Walkaway Wives. Who finally decide - usually after 10 to 20 years - what do I need him for? I'm already doing everything.
Men can pretend this isn't happening. To their own detriment. But it's real, it happens all around us, and those who pretend it's not will find themselves sexless and/or divorced.
In your case, all those needs you weren't meeting for your wife? Guess what? She found someone ELSE to meet them. Her friend. Sex is no longer an issue for her, so all she really needs is a good friend. And you lost that role years ago.