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Wife is behaving weird. Need some input

159K views 799 replies 88 participants last post by  jlg07 
#1 · (Edited)
We are both in our early 60's,our sex life until 2010 was actually pretty good,we averaged 1,2 per week.In 2010 it dropped to 1x per month MAYBE,at the same time she reconnected with female classmate.
They began "having lunch" once or twice a month,I did not have an issue with this,right away. Lunch would last two to three hours.

When this woman would call,my wife would race outside or back to the bedroom until she was finished with the conversation,I thought this was "odd".
When. I asked when we were going to have dinner,socialize,I was told in a hostile manner,"That was not going to happen,ever!" and she has been very defensive about it since then.I still have not met either one of these people.and it has been 5 years
Am I not seeing something.any suggestions? Advice
 
#5 ·
I know a guy whose wife left him for a woman, same exact scenario.

She denied being gay despite repeated questioning and confrontation, until the day she announced she was leaving him to be with this other woman.

There's very little doubt that in this situation, we're looking at a lesbian couple.

A VAR in the bedroom would remove any remaining doubt.
 
#9 ·
.I still have not met either one of these people.and it has been 5 years
there are two people? or just the one 'lady'?

yeah, secret friends are usually secret for a reason

might not be anything more than your wife badmouths you to this friend, and doesn't want you two to meet and compare notes

call this secret friend up and ask her to a dinner party...tell her it's a surprise for your wife.
 
#11 ·
I have not met this woman as far as I know,my wife took a pic of me on her phone,she has NEVER done that before or since,so she may know what I look like. She also dresses/Undresses in the bathroom,has done so since 2010,she say. That is how she was raised.
B.S.!
Deguello
 
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#14 ·
It's a Voice Activated Recorder

You can get them at Best Buy. I believe they are about $70. Well worth the money to find out what your wife and her friend are really talking about.

Bibi
 
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#13 ·
Do you have friends that you see independent of your wife? Do you have interests that you share with a group of friends that have nothing to do with your wife? If not, you should cultivate interest and activities that are independent of your wife. Find something that you are passionate about. Also, meet up with your guy friends regularly for sports or cards or just hang out for drinks.
 
#17 ·
do you know where they "lunch" once or twice a month?

show up one day! or at least check to see if her car is there like she says

so it's a couple now? does your wife ever talk directly to the husband? or maybe that's what's really going on....she's 'lunching' with the husband and neither of the spouses are told the truth
 
#18 ·
Actually I do have friends that are outside of my marriage,and I do "hang out",My wife knows all of my friends,I think,which is why I'm so bothered by her current activities. I have wondered just what was going on,I am not prepared to do the divorce route,it just goes against the way I was raised. She told me the other day,I'll have sex with you because it is an "OBLIGATION" because we're married,but you have to initiate. I do not think that normal.
Deguello
 
#19 ·
As far as I can tell,it is just the wife,she says she has never met the husband.I'm not even sure he knows what is going on.
I do know where they have lunch,the last time I was there I did not actually see her get out of the car,
Deguello
 
#20 ·
I have actually followed her,and I do know where this woman lives. She lives about 10 minutes from where they supposedly have "lunch".I have started to plan an "OP" for this weekend,for the next time they have lunch,I really cannot afford a P.I.
She is going to be " Out of town" with her sister.Do
women normally have 2 to 3 hour lunches?
Deguello
 
#23 ·
If you do not want to go with the creepy snooping route I woudn't blame you. Sounds like you're also scared of a direct conflict as in demanding to know what's up (which is what I would do)..

So try this. Give her the same medicine. You now have a mysterious guy friend that she is not allowed to meet. You talk in private and spend hours "hanging out together" where she is not welcome. Be sure to come home smelling like perfume and accidentally leave some clues around that appear to be consistent with a females attention towards you.

If this is something you could pull off, you would know everything you need to know by her reaction..This would push most loving wives to the brink. If she acts relieved or indifferent, you know that she already has one foot out the door.

But be aware, in the off chance her relationship is on the up and up, you could have some "splain'n" to do, Ricky.
 
#24 ·
Here's what i'd do. I'd find out if she really is at the restaurant, and if she stays for the entire time. Does she leave with someone else and then come back for her car?

Put a VAR in her car. Get a good SONY brand unit, they run about $65 at WalMart. Put top quality batteries in it. Use strong wide velcro to attach it securely in her car. Under her seat is fine, or under the dash. Play with the unit for a bit before you install it so that you know absolutely positively how to operate it. Make sure it is set to silent mode so it doesn't somehow make noises. You can snip the plug off of old cheap earbuds and plug it into the earphone jack. This should ensure the speaker is bypassed.

Place the VAR so that she can't see it easily, and make sure it is secure so it won't fall out. The VAR will capture phone conversations she has. People think it is totally private in their car, and will talk unguardedly. Many cheaters have been caught this way. We had one member here who used a VAR to discover his wife was not cheating but had some serious issues in the marriage. The guy used the info to change some things he was doing and he rescued his marriage. Whatever data you get will be good to have. Nothing from the VAR is ever revealed to anyone, not even your wife. The VAR is for your info only.

I would also place a GPS unit in her car. This is a more expensive route to go, and could wait until you've gathered the VAR information for a few weeks. Alternative options are to hide your cell phone in the car (set to silent mode plus earbuds plugged in) and turn on "find my phone" or whatever similar function your phone and carrier offer. Be sure to activate GPS on your phone. Your phone battery should be good for the few hours she is at lunch. Stash it where she won't find it. Watch where the car is in real time from your computer at home.

Another alternative is to follow her a few minutes behind to the restaurant. Park where you're not obvious. This won't work if you have a unique car. Be your own PI to see if she is at the restaurant, and when she leaves. When she does leave, drive home a different way than her so she doesn't see you.

Review all the phone and credit card statements. You're looking for anything odd. Massive numbers of texts, calls at odd hours, all to the same number. Look at the credit card statements to see if she's really buying lunch on those days (the date the charge goes through could be 1 to 3 days later). Are there any odd things which could be gifts, or hotels?

Her changing in the bathroom seems quite odd to me, given that she didn't ever do that before. Do you still have sex with her? Has her personal grooming changed? If so does it coincide with her changing in the bathroom and this new friend?
 
#27 ·
Thor,
That is all good stuff,the last time I followed her,I did not see her get out of the car,she must have gotten out on the passenger side,I think that is alittle odd. Now that I think back,she never set the alarm on her car.I think the Next time I will be inside,the restaurant, in disguise,what I need to do is borrow a car to follow her in,but I don't want to involve my friends in this CF,it has got to compartmentalized
Deguello
 
#25 ·
We still have sex,once maybe twice a month,but to her it is an "OBLIGATION" because we're married(her words).As far as her dressing/undressing in the bathroom,I feel like she is "hiding"her body from me for some reason,I was wondering if she feels like she's cheating when we do have sex or I see her naked. She did start doing something different with her hair,enhancing the gray,special shampoo.This all started in 2010, just after she reconnected with this woman,I do not believe for a heartbeat that all of this is a coincidence. She brought home "Leftovers" a while back from lunch.but it looked like"TAKE OUT" to me.and it was still warm.
Deguello
 
#30 ·
The best thing for me,is to treat this like a"mission",the first RECON is this weekend
Restaurant,this woman's house,My wife will be out of town with her sister,I need to find out how much her family actually knows,I can't believe everyone is "in the dark" on this.
Deguello
 
#33 ·
Is your wife's birthday or any special occasion coming up in the next 3 to 4 months? You could plan a surprise birthday party for her. And of course her best dear friend would need to be invited! Drive to this woman's house, ring the door bell. Let this woman or her husband (if he answers the door) that you are planning a very special surprise party this year, that you did not trust sending a text or email as your wife might catch on. Then say you wanted her best friend to be there of course. You could then ask for a list and contact info for others they both knew from school to invite them too. Just see how this woman reacts. Maybe this isn't even someone she knew from school in which case this woman won't be able to give names of others they knew. If she is much younger or much older that will tell you also that is not how they know each other.

Before you do that though, have a VAR in the bedroom your wife skirts off to to talk to her friend and another one in the car. If this is not a legit old classmate, her friend will be calling to give your a wife a heads up on your visit.

It is very strange that your wife said you would never get to meet this friend. Why? I cannot think of a legit reason for that. My husband has met anyone that I talk to on a regular basis just because they stop by or he answers the phone and chats a second or two as anyone would with normal human social skills before handing me the phone.

I would be so tempted to stake their house out just to see who lives there. You gone 5 years wondering these things? You are more patient or less curious than I could ever be!
 
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