constant anxiety

he has had problems with drugs his whole adult life.....he has tried to be sober but always finds ways to get high. right now and the last year it has been synthetic drugs......the ones you can buy at the corner stores. gay porn has comeup up from phone records and confession. is that wierd? he says he isnt gay.......He has been lieing once again for the last month in a half about the incense (synthetic weed). he maxed a 4000 dollar government travel card because of it. we have been together for 4 years and i just keep thinking its going to get better but it never does. what would you do in my shoes?

that_girl

I wouldn't marry him, that's for dang sure!

COGypsy

I'd run.

Sorry. But it's not just rampant addiction that he doesn't seem to want to treat. It's not just strange porn that he feels he has to hide. He's committing crimes to feed these things. If he's using his government travel card to pay for these things, it's fraud. If he can't pay it back, it's theft. Expenses on these cards can be, and often are, randomly audited and he would be lucky to just be fired. He could legitimately be prosecuted for the crime as well.

Plus, while he may be thinking he's doing a good think by using synthetics instead of street drugs, those chemicals are completely unregulated and are being clamped down on pretty quickly by the FDA. So he's taking some pretty big health risks too.

What exactly is so wonderful about a stoned-out guy that likes to watch other guys get off together? What are you getting out of this relationship that keeps you there?

Lon

Walk... or run, he obviously has personal demons that he is either unable or unwilling to take care of. You are not married to him so these are not really your problems yet, and you have no obligation to accept those demons. He needs to work his problems himself and if he really loved you he wouldn't be so selfish to ask you to put up with his serious issues. He has a better chance to improve his life without feeling the additional strain of a committed relationship.

saveamarriage101

Definitely hold off on the marriage. He needs to go get help. If he refuses to get professional help to get him sober, I dont see much of a future.

SadieBrown

Don't marry him.

You have waited four years for things to get better. Just how much longer are you willing to wait? Seriously, you need to ask yourself that. Because while you are waiting for things to get better your life is passing you by. Four years is a long time. Please don't wake up one day with a truck load of regrets over 'what might have been'.

And straight men don't watch gay porn.

CLucas976

Leave. Forget it, you cannot fix him and he doesn't want to be fixed.

right now, you're an enabler.

kevint

You have a huge problem!Drugs and gay porn.You have to wonder if he's already had or is trying to have a gay relationship outside of your relationship with him.I'm not gonna say break up with him but i'm not gonna say to stay with him eithier.I think you should take some time for yourself and figure out if you really wanna invest yourself mentally,emotionally,and physically in someone who's not concerned enough about you to at least make an effort.Good luck