General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I've been considering using one of the many inmate pen pal sites for well... finding a partner. Alot of the women on these sites do write that they want to find a partner, offcourse some write that they only want a pen pal or legal help(I won't be contacting those).
It's not that I can't get any dates on normal dating sites or in real life. But why not increase the probability of finding someone right?
If I come across a woman that I like on one of these inmate pen pal sites, why not contact her you know? I have already seen several women that I would have contacted if they were on a site like okcupid for example.
But I would like other peoples oppinion on this. Is it ethically right? Would you think it would be a sleazy thing to do? Alot of women write to male inmates, and I've read some succes stories of some getting married later on for example.
Basicly I'm asking if this is an "ok" thing to do. Or if it's just something that sleazy old desperate guys do.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cross
I think it's insane, personally.
Why?
Is it because you think it's sleazy and desperate by me? I'm in my early 20's, I'm pretty much the average guy. I think I look decent, or atleast not any worse than the next guy.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
I think it's weird, and I think it's asking for trouble.
People are incarcerated for a reason... at least wait until the person is released back into society before getting involved. I think this could cause all kinds of problems, all kinds of exploitation, maybe be dangerous for you.
I spent 2 seconds on google and found this:
"Who are the women in prison? The profile that emerges in study after study is that of a young, single mother with few marketable job skills, a high school drop-out who lives below the poverty level. Seventy-five percent are between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-four, are mothers of dependent children, and were unemployed at the time of arrest. Many left home early and have experienced sexual and physical abuse. Ninety percent have a drug or alcohol-related history."
I don't know how old it is but is this really the dating pool you want to be dipping your toe into?
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Why? Because you are using the pool of convicted women incarcerated as your basis for starting a relationship.
Hey, I'd like to start a family. Hmm, maybe I should write Susan Smith and see if she's single! Dude.
I can understand a non religious person seeking a partner from a church. I can understand someone desiring someone of a different race. I can't for the life of me figure out why someone would desire browsing the penal system as a starting block.
Anyways, it does seem creepy and weird. It's creepy and weird when girls do it, but most of those have major issues.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cross
Why? Because you are using the pool of convicted women incarcerated as your basis for starting a relationship.
Hey, I'd like to start a family. Hmm, maybe I should write Susan Smith and see if she's single! Dude.
I can understand a non religious person seeking a partner from a church. I can understand someone desiring someone of a different race. I can't for the life of me figure out why someone would desire browsing the penal system as a starting block.
Anyways, it does seem creepy and weird. It's creepy and weird when girls do it, but most of those have major issues.
But I'm not just browsing the penal system! lol. There is also one specific girl that I want to message... And my reasoning is that if she was on a normal dating site, I would contact her anyway. So whats the problem?
I'm just asking if its "ok" in general to reply to women there, I'm not asking if it's ok to just use inmate penpal sites to find a partner.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
It's not okay according to my way of thinking, but that's just me. Creepy and weird about sums it up, but I do think 'dangerous' is not a bad one to throw in there too.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by omega
I think it's weird, and I think it's asking for trouble.
People are incarcerated for a reason... at least wait until the person is released back into society before getting involved. I think this could cause all kinds of problems, all kinds of exploitation, maybe be dangerous for you.
If the genders were reversed and a woman contacted a male inmate I can see how it would be dangerous for her.
But There's a difference between women and men in this situation, by far most of the woman I've looked through seem to be harmless. Simply normal women who made a mistake... It's not like I would contact any real psycho in for murder or anything like that.
Quote:
I spent 2 seconds on google and found this:
"Who are the women in prison? The profile that emerges in study after study is that of a young, single mother with few marketable job skills, a high school drop-out who lives below the poverty level. Seventy-five percent are between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-four, are mothers of dependent children, and were unemployed at the time of arrest. Many left home early and have experienced sexual and physical abuse. Ninety percent have a drug or alcohol-related history."
I don't know how old it is but is this really the dating pool you want to be dipping your toe into?
I suppose that might be true in alot of cases, but not all.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by omega
It's not okay according to my way of thinking, but that's just me. Creepy and weird about sums it up, but I do think 'dangerous' is not a bad one to throw in there too.
But why do these inmate pen pal sites exist then if it's so weird? Why do over half of the women there specificly say they want to find a partner and romance?
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian.
If the genders were reversed and a woman contacted a male inmate I can see how it would be dangerous for her.
But There's a difference between women and men in this situation, by far most of the woman I've looked through seem to be harmless. Simply normal women who made a mistake... It's not like I would contact any real psycho in for murder or anything like that.
I suppose that might be true in alot of cases, but not all.
It sounds like you've already made up your mind to do it and want a pat on the back saying 'go for it.'
Well... yes of COURSE it can be dangerous. Life in prison can make a person develop in violent and manipulative ways just to survive. People with drug addiction or past drug addiction who get back into drugs can use violence as part of drug-seeking behavior. Men are not the only people capable of violence. Women are not the only victims of violence.
Of course they look normal - how else would they portray themselves?
If you are looking for someone to rescue, just read up on the stories of other people who have tried to do that and see where it got them.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian.
But why do these inmate pen pal sites exist then if it's so weird? Why do over half of the women there specificly say they want to find a partner and romance?
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian.
But I'm not just browsing the penal system! lol. There is also one specific girl that I want to message... And my reasoning is that if she was on a normal dating site, I would contact her anyway. So whats the problem?
I'm just asking if its "ok" in general to reply to women there, I'm not asking if it's ok to just use inmate penpal sites to find a partner.
Well, what is she in jail for? Why do you want to contact this one girl?
How long is she going to be there for? Does she have kids?
A lot of people who live life on the edge of the law tend to have significant others with criminal pasts.
Re: Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it?
Dude, if you really want to, then go ahead. But you've asked for advice and comments, and people are giving their opinions. Just because nobody's agreeing with you doesn't mean they're all wrong, though.
Personally, I think it's a pretty poor group of people to chose a life partner from, but that's just me. First of all, I'm not a big fan of long distance relationships. I'd rather find someone who's free to spend some time with me. Second, this group of people has already demonstrated poor life decision making abilities. Yes, we all make bad decisions at times, but we don't all end up in jail. Third, I have no doubts the demographic mentioned is reasonably correct, and that's not on I'm really into. And finally, the people in there are likely to be struggling against their past for the rest of their life. Why not find someone who doesn't have that hanging over them?
That's not to say that I'd run away from someone who had a criminal record, if it came out as part of the "getting to know you" process. But why go looking for trouble?
And I'd guess the target audience for those websites is a mix of guys who either can't find a regular date, who have a similar background as the girls on the site, or want a "bad girl".
Hey, there's still the whole mail order bride thing you could explore too!
Contacting an inmate, what do you think about it? 
