08-10-2011, 03:44 PM
Join Date: Aug 2011
| | Single mother engagement question
I hope everyone doesn't cringe at the title. She is a loving, affectionate woman that I am starting to feel a concern. We have went through the dating process, the co-habitation process and even the home searching process. We found a home we both love and I am in the process of buying it. When the search was over trouble began.
Things were purring along great until she starting feeling the new school year coming along. She has two teenager children who thoroughly support our engagement but at times to cause slight damage because they have begun giving dirty looks at us when we display affection in front of them. They used to not say anything but recently this has shifted, and as a result "mom" has pulled back. Our conversations have also shifted from our future to concerns of the kids.
I am afraid she has begun to lose interest in me and the biggest concern is because I am on the edge of buying a home for us. She has her own home but it is too small for her now teenagers, so we plan to rent/sell this house after buying the new house so we can build our own life. I have successfully become "father-like" taking time to spend with the children but her growing focus on everything and everyone else without being able to balance our relationship has me quite concerned.
Yes I have mentioned it and she "feels" bad but doesn't show signs of wanting to change the conversation topics. Just last night her children were upset at her and not talking to her and we were communicating as adults, but as soon as they decided to "grow up" and talk, I got kicked to the side. Some of this is to be expected, as I understand my place in her life but after a month of not being asked "How are you doing?" or any type of questions to try to show genuine interest.
I will admit she has opened up and begun to discuss her problems with me as I had been begging her to do instead of keeping them inside (key to long term relationship success in my opinion) but at the same time I feel the focus has shifted and no long does she talk with me, but at me. ie. I have become an ear for her venting but reciprocation does not exist.
I want to continue to discuss our future, not just plans on buying the home or planning a wedding. I am talking about "getting to know you" type discussion - but I feel perhaps maybe she knows enough to know I am a good person, love her and her kids, and am willing to dedicate my life to her.
So my question to anyone who has made it this far:
Am I asking too much? Just this morning when we woke up, her first words were "I gotta get my daughter up at 6". It used to always be "Good Morning Sweetie, how did you sleep?" I am pretty torn and would greatly appreciate anyones feedback.
Just to ward off anyone believing its a financial thing for her, it isn't she does not need me (nor I her) for money. Also it is not a lack of intimacy or a lack of time. The concern is purely a lack of emotional interest but that will ultimately cause the other things to regress too (in my opinion).