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Old 08-16-2011, 05:18 PM   #31 (permalink)
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If he is thinking this, then what you have is not special.

Read up on the "science" of falling in love. The euphoria tends to start wearing off after 2 years. That sounds like when he started pulling back from you.

If you agree to this, you'll lose every future argument because he knows you'll put up with anything and not leave. Trust me, I personally know that that is a horrible position to be in.

I'm guessing that if you agree, and he "evens the score", he'll secretly keep going. You'll always be worried and suspicious. If he does stop at even, you'll still be suspicious.

Completely agree.

Him wanting to go out and experiment will never end. No amount of girls will be enough. And if you say no, he might just go out and do it anyway.

Im surprised you're not personally offended or hurt. If I was in a 3 yr relationship about to move in together and he still wanted to sleep with other women, I would end things on the spot. Its one thing for him to be curious. Its another thing for him to pursue it.
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Old 08-16-2011, 05:49 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

no. you shouldnt. It would be the worst possible mistake like commiting relationship suicide, you can ever make. I dont believe that he 'needs' to sleep with others to resolve feelings he has. That is a bunch of bull. And i never talk this bluntly.

its the same as relationship suicide if you do this. I would be very firm on this and do not hesitate or give 'maybe' answers to such a horrifying request.

Guaranteed, if you go along withi this, you will resent and even hate him for it. Also, I believe without any shadow of a doubt, he is testing you, to see how much he can get away with you...if you allow this, more of the same, much worse, is to come...guaranteed.
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Old 08-17-2012, 05:31 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

Trust me on this: You're relationship is already in the can.

You are damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
If you don't let him, HE will be miserable.
If you do, YOU will be miserable.

Don't put yourself in a bad position. Get out before you get humiliated, and left wondering why you ever agreed to stay with him.
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:09 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

Yeah...no.
Sorry, swingers, polyamoury, all that business is just a recipe for disaster.
He has a problem. So do you.
The whole issue as you have explained it says that there is a hole in the fabric of your relationship.
A "patch" doesn't heal the problem.
It's over most likely.
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Old 08-17-2012, 06:28 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

Uh, no, this is not someone that you need to keep trying to make happy. If he can't deal with his fantasies about what he might have missed, then cut him loose and let him have all of the "experiences" he wants. Like others have said, he is manipulative, a cake-eater, immature, and doesn't really love you deep down. If he did, then he would not even be suggesting such an idea.

Do yourself a favor and cut him loose, live your life, and find someone who really deserves what you have to offer. Accept nothing less.
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Old 08-17-2012, 07:06 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

You dodged a bullet!

He "confessed" before cheating.

He could have said:

"May I please have your permission to cheat?" instead of the manipulating way he asked.

I am sorry & know you love him. If he tells you this is a dealbreaker then you have your answer. He just doesn't love you "enough."
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Old 08-17-2012, 07:13 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

your husband is being a big baby. Seriously. You were with 4 other people. He can accept it or not, his choice. If he loves you, accepting it will be easy to do. It's not like you were with a lot of people before him.
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Old 08-17-2012, 07:17 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

Let this be a lesson. Don't fall in love with virgins. The score will never be even and some guys just can't handle that. It's called being young.
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Old 08-17-2012, 07:53 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

This thread is a year old.
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Old 08-17-2012, 08:01 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

If he feels he is missing out, then what the two of you have is not enough for him. And after 3 years if it isn't enough, it never will be.

He wants to eat his cake and have it, too--and he thinks that will make him happy. It won't.

Furthermore, this is the "wake up" call to YOU to move on. He's not ready to settle down with anyone. You are. Find someone who is. Do not risk a future with him.

Good luck.
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Old 08-18-2012, 02:25 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

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Let this be a lesson. Don't fall in love with virgins. The score will never be even and some guys just can't handle that. It's called being young.
Let's not paint all Virgins black here.... Everyone has a right to conduct themselves how they see fit before marraige, he does not fit the "waiting for his soul mate romantic" virgin profile... since he is so willing & adament to throw himself into meaningless sexual romps without emotion- to even "a score of 4"...

This is not the same spirit in which a Virgin of worth carries into a Loving relationship -where they wanted so much to save themselves for their one & only, seeing this as a SACRED act saved & shared between 2 souls in life..... Sure it is a letdown, something to greive even (though others may find that stupid, I don't feel it is)....but not a dealbreaker when you find someone you love deeply in this life... It is a small hump to overcome and move on, allowing the past to be what it was, but all things are new...a new beginning.

He has more going on here....(this poster is long gone anyway).....His reasons for being partnerless were not due to his waiting for his one & only....maybe he just hasn't had the chance to Jump more women...maybe he is shy, an Ugly duckling, and feels cheated. It's not the same thing. He IS immature and not ready for marraige by any means, he wants to enjoy being a Player for a time...hardly exemplary.

One is born out of feeling ..."he missed out & I want to live it up -have a screwing good time" --another is born out of wanting to give everything you are, to the one you love, that you cared enough to wait, and still wouldn't take that back, even if she did have others before you.
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Old 08-18-2012, 02:40 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

So the thread is a year old. I would love to hear from the OP and find out what happened.
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Old 08-18-2012, 03:13 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

I feel bad for a guy that just has had sex with one girl all their life. Guys need to experience different girls because each girl has sex differently. He will miss out on it and it will bother him for the rest of his life.

He should have gotten it out of his system before though.
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Old 08-18-2012, 09:18 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

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Originally Posted by curlysue View Post
PLEASE HELP ME

I have been with my boyfriend for almost three years now.
Previous to our relationship, I had slept with four other men...but he had not been with anyone else.
It has now come to the 'move in' stage in our relationship but he says he cannot move in with me, nor see a future for us, until he gets rid of his feelings of jealousy- that I have been with others, and exclusion- that he is missing out on being with others whilst he is young.

He thinks the only way to get rid of these feelings is to sleep with a stranger, or multiple strangers. This is purely physical to get it out of his system, he does not want to date other people!

He says I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and that he wants to move in with me, marry me and have children with me, but until these feelings are gone he cannot give me his full devotion. (He has tried to forget/supress these feelings for two years so I believe everything he is saying.)

My concern is that if we do this, I won't be able to look at him the same or be intimate with him, knowing he has with someone else. However, I cannot lose him and I feel that it may be worth a shot...

Thoughts???
Do you think couples therapy would help???
That is very immature of him. He needs IC. If he will not, you should wave goodbye to him.
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Old 08-18-2012, 09:27 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I let him sleep with someone else?

I honestly think that if he's considering sleeping with other people you should let him go. I would just call it quits and leave on good terms.. if he sleeps around and decides to call you go for it, but don't let him sleep around while you guys are together. You will most likely resent him for it!
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