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Welcome to Talk About Marriage

155K views 214 replies 143 participants last post by  Chris H. 
#1 ·
Welcome to Talk About Marriage.

Talk About Marriage is a forum to discuss marriage and relationships. Here, we interpret the word "marriage" loosely, recognizing that many different people from different cultures view marriage differently. It is important to be patient and respectful with other members, no matter how different our views are.

Please read our forum guidelines before posting on Talk About Marriage.

If you have a relationship problem that you want feedback on, the best place to start is in the General Relationship Discussion section. Click this link, and click the "New Thread" button at the top left to start a new thread about whatever it is that you want feedback on.

If you have technical difficulties with the website, please post them in the technical difficulties section.

Thanks for visiting.
 
#92 ·
I'm new here. I am a 30 year old woman, lived with my husband for almost 13 years. Been married for 7 years. We have a WONDERFUL little boy named Conner. He is the light of my life. My marriage is in trouble and it used to really bring me down, but since my son came along I have no reason to feel down. I still have my moments where it is harder to pull myself out a slump - but overall I try to be positive and thankful for what I do have.

I am the sole provider for my family. Not just financially, but in every way. I get very little help from hubby, he does watch our son while I am at work which is wonderful - but that is all that he does. I am to blame for a lot of this mess. I have allowed him to be this way. I was 17 years old when we met and I just had no idea about life or relationships. I came from a family where mom and dad have been married for 35 years. None of my dad's 11 brothers and sisters (Catholic Family) have been divorced. I grew up in a small town and I just didn't have any idea what "real life" was all about.

I still don't have much of a clue about life - but I am learning as I go. I know that being a mommy is the most rewarding job I could ever have. And, if my relationship were better with hubby I would have loved to have had more kids. But, I am blessed to have my little man, Conner and I appreciate him so much.

I am here for advice mainly. I think I can learn from other's posts and hopefully I can repair my lousy relationship. We'll see.....
 
#111 ·
Hi, have you tried talking to your hubby about how you feel? The message does not say you have. May be that is the starting point, to sit and talk to him. Ask him what he wants? Does he want this marriage to work? How you feel at the moment?

May be you need some fire in your marriage. Do you go on holidays often? May be you should, just the 2 of you. I am sure coming from a big close knit family your son can be looked after for a week or so, until the 2 of you go away from all the hustle & bustle. If he does not take the initiative in arranging something, may be you should & see how it goes. I have heard alot of couple with similar problems, specially from the man's side. They do come around eventually, but it is hard work. Then again there are people who does not want to change, then you need to think "is it worth living with someone who does not bother to work towards keeping the marriage" "Is this a good example for my son". From the background you come from, I can imagine separation been the last thing. It is easy to separate, but difficult to make things work. But when you do make things work, the reward can be so great. Like the song "Fight for you Love" you should not give up till you fight to make this work.

I myself have issues & problems which I am still looking for answers in my marriage, hence I am no expert. But this is what I feel about your situation.

I wish you all the best, and hope you will find the happiness you desire soon.

Kind Regards
:smthumbup:
 
#94 ·
I am happy that I was able to find this site. It is wonderful in seeing that I am not alone and that my situation is not a unique one. We all have a common bond and it is wonderful that we can all offer up words of advice and wisdom.

Thanks for putting this site out there. It's a great place to vent, and meet others.
 
#95 ·
I have just joined this site I have a scenario that is causing me a little confusion. I was hoping someone might be able to give me a better perspective. I would appreciate anyones thoughts on the matter.

My boyfriend proposed to me while in bali recently, while there were a few really good romantic opportunities, instead he chose to propose in bed just before I fell asleep. (of course I said yes he is the man of my dreams and we had our first child 6 month ago). What stumped me is that he did not bring it up for the rest of the two days we were in bali. I wasnt sure if he meant it or forgotten. There was no ring you see, so when we got back to Perth I asked if he remembered what he said and he replied "of course". I asked if he meant it and he replied that he sure did and our engagement party is in three weeks.

Added to this is that I have had to put in all the effort to find my ring. I dont know if it is because he is busy working and i am just at home with the baby and it is easier for me but again I am troubled with the lack of effort on his part. There has been no romance with our decision to get married and i cant help but feel a little disappointed...

Am I being over analytical?
 
#96 ·
I need a strong opinion regarding pre-marital sex, otherwise known as fornication in the bible. I believe this message to be a black and white issue, however as it applies to two senior's in the late 70's who at this point are not sure of another marriage, how can we jusify this dynamick chemistry between the two of us and still live with our conscience???.
 
#97 ·
Hi there. I stumbled upon this site and I am hoping to get and give some advices. Sometimes it takes just another perspective from someone who is not involved into the situation, to help a person see a resolution.
I am divorced with children and now I want to get involved in a relationship. But I seam to have develop a fear of intimacy. Whenever someone gets close, I put on heavy barriers around me. I want them to get through, but my fear and hesitation eventually burns them out. Should I go after him, explain my fears and ask him to keep trying? He was definitely interested, but now he hesitates. Does his hesitation mean that I should go after him or that he is done with trying to get close to me. Will my trying make me look desperate? Will I have internal peace if I just watch him lose interest? Any advice?
 
#98 ·
Hello to all,
I am new to this site and I am not real sure of what I am doing by writing a thread. I have a question that I need to ask and really would like some advise on, but I'm not sure exactly where to do that at in this site!!! Can someone please help me so that I may get some help with my issue!

Thanks greatfully,
VPM09
 
#102 ·
We've been married for 9 yrs now with 3 beautiful girls. After our second daughter was born things really changed for us.We live way to close to my family who cause a lot of drama. I had sever postpatum depression.I pulled away from him and the kids,all I wanted to do was find a hole to crawl in and stay. Things got to the point where we both met someone online,and when we both found out about it and talked,we both agreed that we needed to work on our marriage. But I don't feel like things have changed at all.We still fight a lot over the kids over money,moving.Anything really.No matter what I say or do it's wrong in his eyes.The place we live in is way to small for our family,the area sucks,the kids are not happy and i'm not happy. When I try to come up with a solution he knocks it down. Always has a reason to make me feel stubid.And sex well lets just say it feels like a job,there's no passion between us anymore. I don't know how to fix this anymore I'm out of answers,I've ask him to go to marriage counseling but he refuses.I'm so tired of fighting,I can't talk to him. I feel so lost.
 
#103 ·
Hello,

My name is Cathi and I've been married 23 years this coming February 17th.

We've been having some troubles, but we are working them out. Why did I sign up here? Well, last week was a very bad week full of anxiety, and I was looking for some guidance. I ran across this forum. I have been browsing and decided to sign up.

Anyway, I need some time before I talk about what happened to us. It is still fresh and I need to get past it to where I can talk about it without crying right now.

But as another poster said, it doesn't hurt to make any improvements.

Thanks you and Cheers!

Blessings,
Cathi
 
#104 ·
Hello everyone! I found this forum and joined right away. My common-law marriage of 17 years is like a bucket of mud and I sit day after day, year after year, dreaming of myself being single and free, without the dead weight of someone who tears me down and makes me cry. I will tell more of my story later when it is not so late at night and I am not so sleepy.

.
 
#105 ·
hey guys!
im just new here last night. i'm having crisis in my marriage..and i would like to uplift my moods and the moods of other people that feels the same way. Btw, my marriage is just turning 2 years this april, hoping to fix our marriage before our 2nd anniversary.hehe.
 
#110 ·
Hi, I joined this site hoping to get some answers to problems I am facing in my 4 years marriage. Hopefully I can put in effective contribution to people's problems too.

My husband says he loves me, but I honestly don't feel like. He does not normally do things that I like but always expects to like what he wants. But when I feeling down & depressed he reasons out that the reason why he can't do things that I like is because of the problems he is having. I get confused after speaking to him.

Today we were having a lovely chat, then he suddenly tells me that one of his bachelor friends coming & if he can stay the night in our house for couple of nights. Ofcourse this would not have been a problem for me if we have a spare room. The problem is we have 2 boys staying in our spare room at the moment, so this friend would have to crash in a open room opposite to where me & my husband sleeps. There is no door between where he would sleep & where we would sleep as its a open space. I got so angry when he suggested that, as my first thought was "He is my husband, should he not be the person protecting me... How can he even suggest this" He thinks I am unreasonable as I will be with my husband all the time when he is around and there is no reason for me to feel odd. I am normally a reserve person, and always appreciated my privacy. Sometimes people, including my husband thinks I am selfish, but that is who am I.

I like to know your thoughts on this. Am I been selfish to think like this, or is it fair that I did not want him to stay over.

Thank You
 
#112 ·
I just found this site and am glad that I did - I am a married male (16+ years) in southern New England.

I have a lot of questions/comments to come; I just need some time to frame my thoughts and get the feel of the boards.

Taking this time to get an official post in and say hello. More later.

Regards to all,
MinC
 
#113 ·
Hey guys & gals

I'm Rey, based in sunny South Africa (pls dont mention the soccer cos i really dont support the sport) Been married for almost 3 years & now slowly but surely the cracks are becoming more & more evident...

hope you guys are gr8 with advice...
 
#118 ·
I just joined today and hope that someone has a similar experience to mine and can help get me back on track. I'm a skeptic when it comes to the online world and my post should certainly explain why but thank you for giving people a place to express concern privately.
 
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