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General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

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post #76 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-14-2009, 04:58 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Hi all! I registered for this site for advice and hopefully find someone here that is going through the same situation as I. My husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for 9. We have 3 kids together ages 7, 5 & 3. We've had our ups and downs all throughout our relationship and marriage but since starting his business 2 years ago it's gotten worse. He's not emotionally there for the kids but is emotionally available for his staff members. I will look through the site for the right forum for this discussion.

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post #77 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-15-2009, 10:11 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Welcome guys!

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post #78 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-16-2009, 03:16 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Hi. I have just joined this forum. After 20+ years of trying, I have finally had it with my spouse and want out. If I had the economic means, I would already be gone. Because I don't yet - but am saving - I have the chance to be sure what I am doing is the last resort. I do not trust my husband and do not believe I will ever be able to trust or love him anymore. I admit that I am angry - with myself for staying so long and trusting so much and at him for treating me like a rug. For much of our marriage he has been physically or verbally/emotionally abusive, though he isn't now. (He has not been physically abusive in a long time, but just a few weeks ago he was still verbally/emotionally abusive using very cutting and hurtful words/tones.) He has had several affairs - one running much longer than I realized until recently. I have not been a saint, as I also had an affair with someone from my past. I don't like him; I don't like being with him; I don't like intimacy with him and cringe at his touch. A few weeks ago I told him that I did not believe there was a chance for us to stay together; that he simply could not win me back. It was then that he did this big 180-degree change. Now he decides it's time to treat me like the queen I have actually tried to be to him. He bends over backwards to help me with the house, to do whatever I even hint at that I want, to care for me...and it's all lost. I hate it. To me, it is just a ploy to rope me and keep me in the relationship. I simply cannot believe the change is for the long-haul; been there, done that. I should have left him long before now, but it is what it is. I have been in counseling for myself and it has helped, but I feel like we need to do some counseling together to help him understand where I am. Of course, he just can't seem to get it and I wouldn't expect him to since all he wants to do is put the past behind him. I am not even sure what I am seeking. Any input from anyone?
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post #79 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-16-2009, 03:52 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Welcome to the site, Summertime. You may want to cut/past your post to a new thread by clicking 'New Thread' under the General Relationship Discussion. It will likely get a lot more response there.
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post #80 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-17-2009, 01:17 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Just thought I'd pop in and say "Hello". I joined this site a few days ago and have posted a few messages; some replies, one new post. Have received good replies. Nice site here. Well organized and from what I can tell the members are respectful and pretty much keep on topic within posts. Glad there doesn't seem to be any spam.

As for my bio, I'm a 46 year old female, married 20 years (known him for 27), Second marriage for me - first for him. I'm a housewife, no children; quiet pampered life near Chicago. Love being married and no intention of having an affair or leaving him or anything. Am here to learn and get insight on a few things that nag at me a bit ... and hopefully I might have something positive to offer the members here as well.

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post #81 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-18-2009, 12:04 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Hi... just found this site and it seems very friendly from what I have seen so far.

A bit about me... married for 20 years to my grade school sweetheart... nope, it has not always been easy, but divorce was never an option so we just always worked things through.

Now we have teenagers and life is full - so full that we have to MAKE time for each other - but we have learned that no matter how hard it gets, if we do not have our very own together time then it can get sticky.

Looking forward to meeting folks on here - talking about a subject near and dear to my heart - and that is about a relationship between two people that can still be alive and fun after 20 years!
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post #82 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-18-2009, 07:32 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

I am new to this site, although I have been following it for the past 3 months. I will start a thread and introduce myself soon. I look forward to all the great and straight out advice I will get from all of you. =D
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post #83 of 215 (permalink) Old 09-22-2009, 11:53 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

welcome guys n gals!

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post #84 of 215 (permalink) Old 10-01-2009, 07:43 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

I posted originally posted this in the general discussion area as I didn't see this. hello everyone. I am a new poster and wanted to introduce myself. I am 29 from NY. Ive been married for 4 years. We have our problems, but I am trying to work on them. I would like to get to know everyone better, and possibly share some more stuff about me when I get the chance. Ive been lurking for a while, just wanted to make an introduction. Is anyone else in a bi-racial relationship?
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post #85 of 215 (permalink) Old 10-08-2009, 08:23 AM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Hi.
New on this forum, usually only lurking.
I have some questions and need advice, but am very shy at the same time so it will take me perhaps some time to write about my situation.
Some things about me- Im 29, married for almost 10 years, with 3 kids.
I am really glad that a place like this exists.

Thank you for your time

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post #86 of 215 (permalink) Old 10-08-2009, 02:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Welcome!

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post #87 of 215 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 08:53 PM
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Hello all! Hubby and I are currently at a breaking point. It's either divorce or live as roommates for the kids. Not sure what will happen! Looking to get good sound advice, and welcome being told if I am in the wrong. Just need to know where to go and what to do.
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post #88 of 215 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 07:20 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Hi All,

I was pleased to find this site as I'm looking for a sounding board when I get frustrated with my husband's emotional issues and need some perspective.
He suffers from anxiety, a problem that first reared it's ugly head about 5 years ago where before it didn't exist. It is sometimes so severe that he has a difficult time functioning and, as a highly educated man with a demanding job, this is extremely worrisome for him. He is 53 years old, looks 40, and was a very strong person before this all happened. A quality that I very much admired.

I run a business myself, am very decisive, strong willed and direct so, when I feel he is falling apart, I find myself becoming impatient with him.
This absolutely horrifies me.
He deserves my understanding, kindness and support, not my contempt.

When it first happened, I couldn't do enough to try to help him as my heart broke for him and how he was suffering. I arranged counselling for him, drove him to and from work day after day while making sure I also got to work (remember his commute is 100km). I would talk him through anxiety attacks over the phone several times a day, reseach information that I thought would help him cope and just be there for him in general.
Now when he has flare ups, I find myself rolling my eyes and clenching my teeth instead of feeling sympathy. I get irritated and frustrated and wonder when the hell it's going to stop. I try my very best (honestly!!) to not convey this to him but I find my inner dialogue is frequently negative.

Basically I need people to remind me that I'm being a b*tch as with the job I do, I can easily lose touch with my soft side!

Fortunately, aside from low grade general anxiety, he only has acute flare ups once a year or less which, in my eyes, makes my reaction even worse. he also stays in the city during the week now, which eliminates the need for me to drive him to work when he's having a flare-up (this has nothing to do with the anxiety and everything to do with the 2 hour or more rush hour drive...each way).
To be honest, I think the problem is that I'm terrified that one day he'll have a flare up and it won't go away. Ever!
I am 11 years younger than he is and I don't know if I could continue on in the relationship if that were to happen, but I can't imagine abandoning him either. We are (were) both such independent, strong people that I feel this problem is an extremely cruel twist of fate, making him more dependent on me which I can't help but see as weakness. I don't like it and I know that I'm being incredibly selfish. Hence the guilt.
It's funny because if it were a physical problem it wouldn't bother me nearly as much. I definitely fell in love with his character and personality which changes during these times.

Our relationship is great otherwise. We communicate well and aside from the intimacy issues we're experiencing due to the weekend only contact (which we discuss and take measures to improve) we enjoy each other, have no difficulty with jealousy and treat each other with respect.
In 10 years we have never once yelled at each other or called each other a mean name - not that we don't disagree or fight, 'cause we do!! :-)
Anyway, I look forward to receiving the advice I'll seek from time to time as, in reading through the board posts, there is no shortage of wisdom and good sense. :-)
Thanks for allowing me to become a member of this community and I look forward to getting to know everybody.

Warmest regards,

Round2
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post #89 of 215 (permalink) Old 10-30-2009, 03:26 PM
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Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Hello! I'm new here... looking for advice and sharing my own words of opinion. It's nice to meet you all.

Take Care!
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post #90 of 215 (permalink) Old 11-13-2009, 01:57 PM
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Smile Re: Welcome to Talk About Marriage

Hi everyone I've browsed here every now and then but thought it was time to sign up and start contributing. I've been married 7 and a half years and we have a 7 year old son. We've been through good and bad times like everyone else and feel we have a really strong relationship. We actually started our own marriage advice site back in August, and it's doing really well (Not posting the link yet, don't want to look like a spammer ).

I've browsed here before when doing research for our site, but I feel like now is the time to start contributing and hopefully offering some good advice and help where I can. Our own marriage is by no means perfect - who's is? So I'm sure I'll be asking for help and advice myself from time to time. It's great to be here, and I'll see you all around
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