Feel

My husband (MH) and I have been married for 3.5 years. He has 2 kids both moved out, 1 off college the other finished college and got a job and live with his friends. I have 2 girls and both still live at home.

MH works at Arizona but he can work from home which is California. He doesn’t need to be in his office, just once in a while is good enough. But the last 3 months his mom fall down and broke her hip, so he has been in AZ more often. His daughter was in AZ during summer and he spent some times with her there. The last 3 months MH and I spent very little time together.

He came home 2 days ago and his daughter came with. She is gonna go back in 3 days and MH has to go back in a week. So we have a week and 2 days together. He works during the day. After work is dinner then he needs a nap, so our time together is very limited.

Last night he and I went out for an hour and half and he was already tired. So back home and go to bed. Today he worked again then dinner then of course nap. We were suppose to go out together.

My daughter is going to a birthday party and invited his daughter to go with but she passed.

My husband came to me and said lets 3 of us go out. I got mad. He was already mad cuz he knew I would get mad. I told him we don’t spend enough time together and he is gonna be gone to AZ again soon and I rather go out just him and me.

He says the last 16 years he didn’t spend much time with his kids cuz he got divorced when his daughter was 3 and she will be off to college next week and who knows when he can spend time with her again, and she is in town now and he wants to spend as much as possible with her.

I said well how about me? I am a woman and have needs too; I want to spend alone time with my husband, besides the last 2 weeks you (MH) and your daughter spent lots of time together in AZ.

He is mad at me and says I don’t see the big picture (he didn’t say but I think he means I am selfish and want him just for my self). He says I can’t put my self aside for someone else, seriously I feel that’s all I do and I said I feel like I am putting my self on the side a little to many times and I want to be in the picture.

Am I selfish or unreasonable?

Hicks

Are you selfish no.
But, realistically, a parent will always put their children first, especially when he feels guilty about the poor life they gave to his kids.
I think you have to accept this as part of your marriage reality.