General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
So, I'm 29 (about to be 30) and he is 36 (about to be 37) and next month we will have been dating 6 years. We both have established careers and we each own our own home. We don't live together, but we might as well because we spend a lot of time at each others home. We have been through a lot in 6 years....when we first met I was recently divorced, broken and didn't know where I wanted to be.....he was already established and was just what I needed. He helped me to figure out what I wanted to do and since then I went to school and now have a rewarding career as a nurse. He has been very supportive of me and I to him. I help him with his buisness by making phone calls and helping him wiht flipping houses. We are there for each other and it's great.
It's no secret that I want marriage and children by 35 and he assured me when I spoke with him back in May that he wanted the same things. You see, back in May he got very drunk and made out with another girl, this was totally out of character for him and he was very remorseful and it was frankly, a really rough time for both of us. So I told him if he didn't want me, forever, then he had his out and he could go but that if he did want me and us forever, then I would forgive him and never bring it up again. He said he couldn't imagine life without me and that he would "propose soon"
Well.....it hasn't happened and everyone around us is either getting married or having babies and I want that. I love him so much and cannot imagine my life without him but I also know I deserve to have the things I want in my life as well. It's starting to make me depressed wondering what is wrong with me? Am I not good enough. I want marriage because I want to know that I'm worth it that he is committed to me. That security that every girl wants, I guess?! I'm so frustrated.....how long should I wait? I decided that if it doesn't happen by the end of year I should move on......but will I have the strength to walk away>?? WOuld I be able to meet anyone else? Any advice would help!!
Kibbles - Just sit down and talk to him. I mean really talk about how you are feeling about this and try to get him to open up about his feelings towards marriage. See where it goes.
I would also suggest this. When taking the advice of others on this forum, review their prior threads(just click on their username) to see where their own relationship is at. I am a firm believer that if your own relationship is in a current state of chaos, you may not be in the best position to give advice to others, especially when it is suggesting they make some hard choices. Just saying...
If you walk away one of two things will happen.
1. He will marry you.
2. He will not marry you, and confirm the fact that he was never going to marry you.
6 years is way too long for him to make up his mind. In fact, it suggest he made it up that he not planning to marry you. In the future, if man does not propose in about 1 year, maybe 1.5 years, it means his is not interested in marriage.
I believe that once you get to know someone then either you want to marry them or you don't.
I would tell him you have waited too long, and say exactly what you have said here, that you love him, but you know you deserve everything a marriage and commitment have to offer.
Also what happened with him kissing someone else, was he remorseful, doe he take full responsibility? Does he make sure he won't put himself in that position again?
Well.....it hasn't happened and everyone around us is either getting married or having babies and I want that.
If this is your reason for wanting to get married, then you may want to re-assess things.
I am of the school that if a man wants to marry you and propose--he will.
It seems you really want this to happen very soon and he's still up in the air about it.
You set your own deadline (end of the year) so follow through with it. At 29, you are still young. Six years is a long time to be in limbo waiting for something if you're not even sure it's going to happen.
Oh and stop thinking something is wrong with you. Why are you assigning blame to yourself? Don't do that. It's counter-productive and not good for self-esteem. You ARE worth having the kind of relationship you want. Don't ever settle! It could be that you both just have fundamental differences. It happens.
If you walk away one of two things will happen.
1. He will marry you.
2. He will not marry you, and confirm the fact that he was never going to marry you.
Kibbles - Just sit down and talk to him. I mean really talk about how you are feeling about this and try to get him to open up about his feelings towards marriage. See where it goes.
I would also suggest this. When taking the advice of others on this forum, review their prior threads(just click on their username) to see where their own relationship is at. I am a firm believer that if your own relationship is in a current state of chaos, you may not be in the best position to give advice to others, especially when it is suggesting they make some hard choices. Just saying...
This is true. However, my advice came from personal knowledge not about my current relationship status.
He doesn't want to propose because he is afraid of commitment. What is his family like? Is he a child of divorce? He may fear repeating his family history. He may also feel that he is giving up his youth by getting married.
If he does not feel the same pull toward marriage that you do, find someone else. You don't want to marry him if he can't be committed to you.
Don't worry about not finding someone else! There is more than 1 person for each of us, and the new guy will benefit from his wavering.
I know it will be hard at first, but you deserve a man who wants the same things from life that you do. Six years is more than enough time to see if you are compatible.
Why won't he propose? HELP!! 
Re: Why won't he propose? HELP!! 
