Here is a situation which happened to my husband when we were dating, after we got engaged, and after we got married.
He became friends with a female neighbor of his shortly before we started dating. She became involved in a dating situation with a male friend of his who lived
*and still lives* at the same apartment complex he lives at. One day she saw him at the mailbox, and she asked him to come over to her place because she needed his help with something regarding the guy she was involved with
*my husband's male friend*.
So he went over to her place later that day. Turns out the guy did something that left her feeling violated while the two of them were alone at his place. She was very upset, and she asked my *now husband* for his help in understanding what happened as well as why it happened. He agreed to help her, but only as a friend.
She agreed, but the two of them were never on the same page regarding the friendship.
Here is why they were never on the same page...
During the early stage of our dating relationship, he called me one night around 9 p.m. to let me know that he had received a phone call from her asking him if he would meet her at the bus stop a couple of blocks from where both of them lived. Apparently she attended an activity sponsored by her church, and she missed the last bus that took her straight to the apartment complex. Even though there were family members of hers staying with her who could have picked her up at the bus stop, she wanted him to meet her at that bus stop. She said that she would call him once she got to the bus stop. So he met her at that bus stop and walked her home.
He gave her his cell phone number so she could reach him. He also showed her how to text.
Despite his telling her that he only wanted to be her friend, she began chasing him to get him to date her. Here is how she did this.
- she invited him over to her place for dinner twice
- she invited him over to her place to spend time alone with her on a continuous basis either to talk, watch tv, watch a movie or to help her with her homework
- she wanted his help with her problems no matter what they were; one problem she wanted his help with was her mental health problems; she wanted his help in dealing with them
- she would text him and call him on a constant basis... especially regarding her wanting his help with a problem
One particular situation that stood out was the second time he had dinner alone with her at her place. He called me to let me know what was happening. She wanted his help with her homework late at night. So he went over to help her. She also cooked dinner for the two of them. After he helped her with her homework, the two of them stayed up talking. Then she noticed it was 11 p.m. So she asked him if he wanted to sleep on her couch instead of his going back to his place late at night. He agreed. However, she had several kittens which kept him up. So he quietly left her place early in the morning and went to his place. The following morning she knocked on his door. She was pissed because he left her place. He told her why, but she would not accept his answer.
Not long after that happened he introduced me to her. I could tell she was not happy meeting me. I found out from him that after she met me she asked him if the two of us were dating. He told her yes. Her answer was "she is not good enough for you." He told her that he had made the choice to date me. She did not say anything after that.
Then one day when he was visiting with her and her mom at her place, she went to get the mail. So he and her mom started talking. He let her know that he was dating someone, me. The first thing her mom asked him was "is she a Christian?" He said "no." Her answer was "well... then... we need to convert her." His answer was "that is my job to do." She said nothing after that.
However, her meeting me and being told that the two of us were dating did not stop her from chasing him. He let me know what was happening up front.
she began leaving her personal belongings at his place whenever she was at his place using his computer or needing his help with something. That included her underwear. She would tell him she needed to use his bathroom. The first time this happened, she left her bra on the floor. The second time this happened, she left her underwear on the floor. Both times he would go to use the bathroom after she left his place, and he would find her underwear on the floor. He called her both times to let her know that she had left her underwear. Her response was "I did not know that happened." He did not believe her.
she asked him to be the subject of her photo shoots for the photography class she was taking.
she would text him or call him while we were spending time alone at his place wanting his help with something.
When he let her know that he was going to propose marriage to me, her reply was "she is not good enough for you." He told her he already made the choice to propose to me. She said nothing after that. Later on we found out from the male friend of his whom she had a dating situation with that she had told him that she wanted to date my husband after he had told her that he was going to propose to me. He told her that my husband was off limits, but that did not stop her from repeating herself.
I let my husband know that there needed to be some changes regarding their friendship at this point.
- no spending time alone with each-other
- no being the subject of her photo shoots
- group like activities from now on
She did not like those changes. She still wanted things to be the way they were in the beginning. She could not and did not want to accept the changes, but it had to be that way.
This all happened between 2011 and 2012.
We got married in 2013.
Due to her behavior, their friendship ended soon before we got married.
She moved out of the apartment complex we live at earlier this year.
She found him on Facebook, and she sent him a message stating that 1) she was sorry for her behavior during their friendship, 2) she was getting help for her problems, 3) her mom wants her to see a Christian counselor, and 4) she cannot be a friend of his.