General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Well I'll be blunt, we've been married for 18 months, together for almost 3 years... I've worn panties (lingerie) since at least high school. She knew since day one, but refuses to accept it. She said it's nothing to do with conforming to anything, or society, or whatever, it's just how she feels.
That being said, she just "hid" a bunch of my stuff, mostly brand new, name brand and replaced it with "men's." To me, this is very unfair. This is part of me, and she should be more accepting. Especially with how much I do. I do ALL the house work, pay ALL the bills, take care of the cats, while she doesn't do much of anything productive. This is how I am repaid?
How can I get back to wearing what I want to here, without feeling like I have to hide it? This is really frustrating!
She knew about it before marriage? What is her problem then?
I honestly don't know aside from what I said. Things like this usually stem from some deeper issue, but she said straight up, this is the only issue she has with me. I am literally not comfortable in anything BUT that, and she can't accept it.
She wants you to wear the pants in the relationship? To start, maybe you need to even-up the share of responsibilities if you're allowing most things to fall upon your shoulders. She will end up taking you for granted and not respecting you. Perhaps you need to show her how much of a 'man' you are .....and while wearing nice panties.
Why did you marry her then? Knowing how she feels about what you do, why was this ok to marry into?
To be honest, she didn't make a huge deal about it until the last few months. Initially it was like a "ok but don't shove it in my face" kind of mentality.
She wants you to wear the pants in the relationship? To start, maybe you need to even-up the share of responsibilities if you're allowing most things to fall upon your shoulders. She will end up taking you for granted and not respecting you. Perhaps you need to show her how much of a 'man' you are .....even while wearing nice panties.
Just a thought.
I'm not sure it's about responsibilities. I do everything because she simply doesn't want to, and I'm so OCD that I can't go without doing chores and whatnot. That was just a comparison.
When you say "panties" are you talking about some ultra-feminine lingerie, or more utilitarian panties?
Are you wearing them because they fit you better and are more comfortable, or is there some other reason (they turn you on)?
Can you compromise on wearing lingerie that is simple, plain, and fairly non-descript?
Well, I'm more comfortable in the V.S. pink collection, like lots of people. Honestly, they fit great, they're more comfortable to me, and that's what I like. The compromise was plain colors, but she ended up making me feel stupid about that too.
I think it doesn't matter WHY she doesn't care for it.... it is what it is and for many people it's a "biggie". You have to deal with what IS, not what you hope it could be.
I think it doesn't matter WHY she doesn't care for it.... it is what it is and for many people it's a "biggie". You have to deal with what IS, not what you hope it could be.
Point is, she knew it going in, and didn't object to a big part of who I am. Now, over a year into it, it's a HUGE deal.
I'm not sure it's about responsibilities. I do everything because she simply doesn't want to, and I'm so OCD that I can't go without doing chores and whatnot. That was just a comparison.
I don't know what it's like to live with someone that's OCD - however if you're doing everything because she simply doesn't want to, that indicates the current dynamic between you.
I'll admit a mistake on my part though - I originally read your post as that she does accept it, instead of that she refuses to accept it. Sorry, I'll go make myself a coffee now. Okay, so now I'm confused as to why she thinks she could change this behavior in you? You've been open with her all along. Did you ever give her the impression it was a phase? I don't understand this if she knew from the beginning.
yea, if she knew about it going into it, she's just being a big jerk.
Yeah...
Quote:
Originally Posted by heartsbreaking
I don't know what it's like to live with someone that's OCD - however if you're doing everything because she simply doesn't want to, that indicates the current dynamic between you.
I'll admit a mistake on my part though - I originally read your post as that she does accept it, instead of that she refuses to accept it. Sorry, I'll go make myself a coffee now. Okay, so now I'm confused as to why she thinks she could change this behavior in you? You've been open with her all along. Did you ever give her the impression it was a phase? I don't understand this if she knew from the beginning.
No worries, caffeine is a glorious thing.
I'm not OCD, but I'm a neat freak, and I have a few cats. So I spend an hour or two a day cleaning while she watches movies. And this is what I get?
I told her that I've worn em since high school, she's known that from the getgo pretty much. She knows it's not a phase, but she wants to stop me from wearing them basically. I'm not exactly poor, so it's not like buying them again isn't hard to do.
We have these conversations and all she does is feel guilty, give in and storm off. I can't talk to her, because she's so stubborn and won't give in and just accept it. She doesn't wear thongs (like I do), so this is basically like me telling her "stop wearing boyshorts, wear thongs, it's more feminine, or something.
One Major Issue... 
