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do you tell a person if you are "in love" with them?

3K views 44 replies 15 participants last post by  marriage_student 
#1 ·
i am in love with a lady (and she is not married/taken) so should i tell her that i am in love? :confused:
 
#2 ·
Not unless you've been actually dating her for some time. If you're not dating her, then it's creepy, and what you are feeling may be infatuation, not love.
 
#5 ·
not dating her but she is my tennis partner that i just started playing mixed doubles with.
she is just over 30 so i'm not sure if she will love me anyway as i am 18.
how do i know if i am infatuated?

My husband told me right away. I had to think about it for 24 hours, but then I accepted it.

It can actually be helpful to be clear and direct right off the bat. If she does not feel the same, you can part ways without letting your feelings get stronger.
sounds good, or is there a way to let her know without me saying the words "i am in love with you"?
i wouldn't mind her finding out without me saying it etc.
we play club tennis together so can't part ways :butterfly::fish:
 
#3 ·
My husband told me right away. I had to think about it for 24 hours, but then I accepted it.

It can actually be helpful to be clear and direct right off the bat. If she does not feel the same, you can part ways without letting your feelings get stronger.
 
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#4 ·
I would not trust any man saying this to me unless he grew to know me over a period of months.. I would consider it purely infatuation (the hormones revved up, all the new excitement, everything seems so "perfect") ... this doesn't mean it won't develop into LOVE.. is surely can!!.. but far too often, someone says it prematurely.. the other trusts it.. then heartbreak is down the road..

Have a friend where the guy said this early on.. every time they would break up, she'd call me crying saying "but he said he loved me?" and asking me over & over "Why did he do that?" This just made it worse for her..

It takes Time.. in fact Relationship experts say there is no way to tell the difference between infatuation and something "Lasting" until you've reached the mark around 18 months of courtship/ dating. if you make it THIS FAR and are still feeling those strong feelings, loving this person.. you have beat the odds.
 
#8 ·
I would not trust any man saying this to me unless he grew to know me over a period of months.. I would consider it purely infatuation (the hormones revved up, all the new excitement, everything seems so "perfect") ... this doesn't mean it won't develop into LOVE.. is surely can!!.. but far too often, someone says it prematurely.. the other trusts it.. then heartbreak is down the road..

Have a friend where the guy said this early on.. every time they would break up, she'd call me crying saying "but he said he loved me?" and asking me over & over "Why did he do that?" That just made it worse for him..

It takes Time.. in fact Relationship experts say there is no way to tell the difference between infatuation and something "Lasting" until you've reached the mark around 19 months of courtship/ dating. if you make it THIS FAR and are still feeling those strong feelings, loving this person.. you have beat the odds.
it sounds like it might be too risky for me to say/tell her then..
could she maybe tell i'm in love with her without me saying?
when i am with her my breathing is harder to control and i speak nervously.
 
#6 ·
It is highly unlikely that a 30 year old woman would be in love with a teenager. I don't think I'd tell you you are "in love" with her. Why do you feel like you are? What about her do you love?
 
#7 ·
How about looking for someone your own age, instead?
 
#11 ·
i don't look for love it just finds me.
this is the 2nd person this year i've had feelings for (but the other is married).
i can't predict what age they will be, just happens to be older (but the married lady is only 4 years older than me).

It is highly unlikely that a 30 year old woman would be in love with a teenager. I don't think I'd tell you you are "in love" with her. Why do you feel like you are? What about her do you love?
the more nervous i am the more feelings i have and i'm the most nervous ever around her.
most ladies that i like i only think about their breasts/bottom etc but this lady i think about at night and i think of kissing her and not just about sexual things.
i might be moving in with her cos she is looking for a roommate and i havent told her i will move in (cos i was not really looking for a new place to live) but today ive decided i will move in with her!
i guess not good to say "i am in love with you" cos it might spoil the roommate relationship.
 
#9 ·
Never go there.. you may freak her out!!.. she doesn't REALLY KNOW you, most likely she'll pause due to your age.. knowing it IS infatuation (if she's a smart women).. you are not emotionally involved yet... at the very least... you need to be dating her before you share an "I love you"....

Here is a good article...about LOVE not being enough...for a long lasting anything...

Love is Not Enough

1. Love does not equal compatibility.

Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed into one another very well.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.

It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.
2. Love does not solve your relationship problems.

3. Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself.

It speaks about the "Friendship Test" also....
 
#12 ·
I don't think moving in with her is a good idea.
 
#19 ·
I think it is a really bad idea. You are just putting yourself at great temptation.

What if she starts dating someone? You will be heartbroken.
 
#35 · (Edited)
I would really hold off on this one... people throw the word/ this term around so frequently these days that it has lost its meaning in my opinion. 95% of the time people mistake being in love with infatuation or a very hard crush. Also many times when a person pays attention to you and makes you feel a certain way its easy to think that you have feelings for them, when really you just like how they make you feel... I have truly felt the in love feeling once in my 39 years... its something that hits you like a ton of bricks, it does not fade, in fact it feels stronger every day. That person will challenge you to be the best "you" you can be, you will fall deeper in love with everything about them, and equally love how they make you feel inside. I thought i knew what love was in the past, but looking back, as i was much younger and it was more a playful friendship love. It was not that knock you down, electric, feels like once in a lifetime feeling that changes you at the core.... anyways yes i would really wait until you are 100% you feel in love, and also wait until you feel she is in love with you too :)

felt the need to edit, i just read some other posts on this thread, i surely hope this is real !! i put some serious time and effort into this ^^^ hmmp
 
#39 ·
she definitely pays attention to me, so that is part of why i'm in love i guess.
i agree it is electric and knocks me down, you definitely know what i feel for her.
but i don't want to risk scaring her off, so i won't tell her.
even if she never shows a romantic interest in me i'd love to live with her :)

I think you may be attracted to her because she's older and probably more confident and comfortable in her own skin than a younger girl your age. The fact that she probably isn't even considering you as relationship material is likely part of what is fueling your desire to chase her. She can probably tell that you have a crush and I imagine that is flattering to her. How far she will let that go (and whether she will use you or not) depends on her character. The physical stuff can happen and can actually be pretty amazing as I believe that you are at your prime and she is at hers but I wouldn't expect her to take you seriously in a long term relationship.
i hope she knows i have a crush on her because if she knows it means she might like me too.
but even if she doesn't like me back i look forward to being around her more.
i think she is flattered by my interest maybe.
yep i read that ladies are more passionate after 30 often :)
 
#36 ·
Tell her you love her, tell her you don't think about just her breast and bottom but of kissing her all over. Tell her you want to move in with her not as a room mate but as her lover.

She's either going to jump your bones and screw your brains out or file a restraining order against you. My monies on the retraining order.
 
#37 ·
I think you may be attracted to her because she's older and probably more confident and comfortable in her own skin than a younger girl your age. The fact that she probably isn't even considering you as relationship material is likely part of what is fueling your desire to chase her. She can probably tell that you have a crush and I imagine that is flattering to her. How far she will let that go (and whether she will use you or not) depends on her character. The physical stuff can happen and can actually be pretty amazing as I believe that you are at your prime and she is at hers but I wouldn't expect her to take you seriously in a long term relationship.
 
#41 ·
ask her on a date if you care that much. at that age she is likely not to want to settle down, many women are just MLC'ing/only just discovering themselves.

she cant give you a family

expect to prove you can stand on your own two feet, she is not your mother/support person

she might just see you as a quick thrill or a friend to fun (even sex romp with)

dont blow your cash on her, you're young and need to set yourself up/invest in yourself

if you dont want to risk a date you're not worthy/in love
if you do, and she says no, you know where you stand, chase other cougars instead
 
#45 ·
i don't mind if we don't have kids, i just want to live with her, and i told her today i would like to share her rent, so she said for me to come over tomorrow so i will. i've never seen her house even yet!
thanks for each tip, it sounds exciting, and i can't wait to get to each moment :)
 
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