General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I'm a working mom ... I go to work at 3am so I can be home by noon for the kiddos. My husband works 10-7. I still manage to make dinner, clean house and run errands like a stay at home mom. I get about 5 hours of sleep a night. I get so tired and frustrated. We are in the process of moving houses. My husband and I have been in therapy and We appear to be closer to improving our relationship. But, he just never seems to understand how difficult he makes things on me. He organized his father to come visit is from out of town... For five days. He will leave 2 days before we move. However my husband didn't take time off work. I have to pack, watch kiddos, entertain his dad... For three of the days he's visiting. When i brought it up... He said he thought he was improving because this time he booked the flight so HE could pick up his dad at the airport. In the past he left that for me too.
Maybe I'm just too tired to see things clearly, but i think this is just another example of his bad judgement. His elderly father doesn't drive, so i have to drive him everywhere and ge makes requests for places to eat etc.
Sorry... But i just needed feedback. Am i overreacting? Posted via Mobile Device
Well I'm confused somewhat. You say he's improving but there are still issues. Are you two still seeing a therapist? If so this needs to come up and if not you probably should. It sounds like you feel overwhelmed. Just a note, don't expect men "to know." We don't. We really deal with things as issues vs. solutions. Women are also concerned about how this makes them feel and how it effects the relationship. I suggest you sit him down and talk to him.
No, you aren't overreacting. However, I can certainly see where stress and fatigue are having an impact on your life. I've been there and done that. Unfortunately that lifestyle took its toll on me. Start addressing those issues. How old are your children? Can you and your husband get similar work schedules?
Thanks for your feedback. Yes we WERE improving but this stuff is surfacing. I have talked to him extensively time and time again. He ALWYS sticks me with his parents and the work. Again he thinks he's improving because he's packing a few boxes and he's picking up his dad at the airport. But this IS us talking... His answer was "fine I'll just tell my dad he can't come". I said i think that might be best. I thought we solved it. But then i found out he WAS coming. He said.. Oh i arranged it so i could pick him up at the airport and I'll drop him off to you... So i thought that was better. Grrr.
Also we got into a HUGE dispute with our landlord. It was a mess. Anyway "we" were advised to get an attorney. Well i ended up doing it. When i said i needed his help... He said he couldn't unless he took off work and he just couldn't. He works 10-7! He could help from 8 to 10! Anyway i handled the entire mess. And i got a settlement agreement to protect us from our crazy landlord. It's all over and HE is complaining... Telling his parents about how stressful it's been on him.
He just can't get it!!! I suggested we go back to the couple therapist. He said not until after his dad visits and after we move. So ... He's delaying.
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Originally Posted by sprinter
Well I'm confused somewhat. You say he's improving but there are still issues. Are you two still seeing a therapist? If so this needs to come up and if not you probably should. It sounds like you feel overwhelmed. Just a note, don't expect men "to know." We don't. We really deal with things as issues vs. solutions. Women are also concerned about how this makes them feel and how it effects the relationship. I suggest you sit him down and talk to him.
I say you get your list together for things for your husband and his father to do while he visits! If I did that to my wife I would probably expect that to happen to me. If they both have a long list of things to do to get ready for the move, two things can happen: One, you get all your stuff done more easily, and two, your husband will never think to schedule a visit before such a stressful time ever again.
If you keep doing everything, why should your husband make any real changes? At some point, you may want to consider scaling back what you do and taking care of yourself. Either your husband will start helping more or some things just won't get done.
I try to do that... But he could really careless that stuff isn't done or we both end up looking bad. Also i just found out that he didn't take the day off when we are moving. He asked me to call in sick... When I said no. He just said well.. I don't know what else to do. I can't take off. I am the breadwinner. He could call in sick!
I mean... What do I do? He won't give. So if it needs to be handled .. I have no choice.
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Originally Posted by fredless
If you keep doing everything, why should your husband make any real changes? At some point, you may want to consider scaling back what you do and taking care of yourself. Either your husband will start helping more or some things just won't get done.
I try to do that... But he could really careless that stuff isn't done or we both end up looking bad. Also i just found out that he didn't take the day off when we are moving. He asked me to call in sick... When I said no. He just said well.. I don't know what else to do. I can't take off. I am the breadwinner. He could call in sick!
I mean... What do I do? He won't give. So if it needs to be handled .. I have no choice.
Posted via Mobile Device
If you have no choice, why are you here asking questions? Why does your husband have a choice and you don't? Simply don't handle it. Don't call in sick, go to work. Your husband has learned, because you have taught him, that you will take care of everything.
So this is your choice--change yourself and how you operate or don't.
Why does your husband have a choice and you don't? Simply don't handle it. Don't call in sick, go to work. Your husband has learned, because you have taught him, that you will take care of everything.
If her husband is like mine things will fall apart before he decides to do something, by then it's to late. Either way it's stressful on her.
I tried that, not doing as much, and letting him step up. It was a disaster.
You could be like him, and say screw it. Then again you are taking the gamble that you may not have the utilities on, car note paid to prevent repo., animals to the vet, ect....
If her husband is like mine things will fall apart before he decides to do something, by then it's to late. Either way it's stressful on her.
I tried that, not doing as much, and letting him step up. It was a disaster.
You could be like him, and say screw it. Then again you are taking the gamble that you may not have the utilities on, car note paid to prevent repo., animals to the vet, ect....
If this is the case, I still argue that there is a choice: She can accept the situation as is or she can leave him.
I try to do that... But he could really careless that stuff isn't done or we both end up looking bad. Also i just found out that he didn't take the day off when we are moving. He asked me to call in sick... When I said no. He just said well.. I don't know what else to do. I can't take off. I am the breadwinner. He could call in sick!
I mean... What do I do? He won't give. So if it needs to be handled .. I have no choice.
I try to do that... But he could really careless that stuff isn't done or we both end up looking bad. Also i just found out that he didn't take the day off when we are moving. He asked me to call in sick... When I said no. He just said well.. I don't know what else to do. I can't take off. I am the breadwinner. He could call in sick!
I mean... What do I do? He won't give. So if it needs to be handled .. I have no choice.
Crazycat, you know it's tip of the iceberg with his behaviors.
Yes, you are right. Golfergirl. But when you see someone at least improving, you try to keep hope. Especially when kids are involved.
Let me ask this. If you have the perfect couple. They both work. One works 3am to noon. The other 10 to 7. They are moving during the week. What's fair? Should the guy take off a day of work to help out? Or should the wife needs to handle it? What's fair?
Yes. We are using a moving company. My husband offered to take off on loading day. That's crazy because there is nothing to do but watch the movers load things up and supervise the cleaners. (we've moved plenty before). So it's drop off day that i requested he be there for. He insists no. Drop off day is the day he wants me to call in sick. It's just crazy to me. Probably the worst is the theme we have going. I asked him to reschedule his dad's visit. He said ok. But didn't. Then, i asked him to take off work. He said no. Then yes after i complained. But took the WRONG day off. I just feel like he's trying... He's sort of listening. But then he ignores my wishes.
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Originally Posted by lotuslove
I think most couples are probably both involved in a move. You two dont sound like you have a real partnership.
Is he crazy? 
