I am posting this here really just to get my thoughts out there. I hesitate to say 'I need to vent' because I am not angry with her; I am more confused and sad than anything.
It seems my wife and I cannot go more than 5 days without getting into major arguments. In between the major arguments, we have the typical small things that come up, but the frequency of the big arguments is what really gets to me. She says it is normal for couples and she expects them. I feel like we have these big arguments too often. What do you think is 'typical'.
Last Tuesday we had pretty big argument, and could not come to a resolution, so we kinda let it go and moved on. After that, we had a good Thanksgiving and have even been talking about how nice things have been between us the last few days.
Then today happened. She and I work together and things can get stressful there. Today she ended up snapping at me at work, which took me a bit by surprise. In the past, she has asked that when she does something to upset me, I should talk to her about it then instead of letting it linger and build up resentment over time.
So, tonight, thinking about her advice and what happened today, as we were making dinner she asked me what was on my mind (she could see it on my face). Instead of keeping it in, I told her how I was feeling, which in turn, started yet another argument where she was calling me names, saying she just cannot deal with me any more, and that sometimes I just need to know when to keep my mouth shut about things.
I told her that I was simply doing what she asked, that when something was on my mind to bring it up. She said my timing was bad and I need to learn when some things are a big deal and others are not.
I told her that in the past, I kept the way I was feeling quiet because this is exactly what happens, and that her blowing up like this only makes me want to keep my feelings quiet again. I told her that it is difficult for me to know what her rules are about bringing up whats on my mind. She said that she cannot give me a script and that I just need to listen to her and learn when it is appropriate to bring up things and when it is not.
I am very frustrated. In our argument last Tuesday, she wanted me to stop 'stockpiling' things that she's done to upset me, and to talk about them as they happen. Yet I did that today and it turns into a huge argument.
On the plus side, she finally agrees that we need counseling due to our lack of communication (among other issues), and has agreed to go with me. She says that it makes her very sad that we need to see a counselor not even 3 months after being married.
Almost three years walking on eggshells with her... it is exhausting sometimes.
OK - let me know what I can do to make this better. As always, I am open to my shortcomings in the relationship, so I look forward to your constructive criticism.
It seems my wife and I cannot go more than 5 days without getting into major arguments. In between the major arguments, we have the typical small things that come up, but the frequency of the big arguments is what really gets to me. She says it is normal for couples and she expects them. I feel like we have these big arguments too often. What do you think is 'typical'.
Last Tuesday we had pretty big argument, and could not come to a resolution, so we kinda let it go and moved on. After that, we had a good Thanksgiving and have even been talking about how nice things have been between us the last few days.
Then today happened. She and I work together and things can get stressful there. Today she ended up snapping at me at work, which took me a bit by surprise. In the past, she has asked that when she does something to upset me, I should talk to her about it then instead of letting it linger and build up resentment over time.
So, tonight, thinking about her advice and what happened today, as we were making dinner she asked me what was on my mind (she could see it on my face). Instead of keeping it in, I told her how I was feeling, which in turn, started yet another argument where she was calling me names, saying she just cannot deal with me any more, and that sometimes I just need to know when to keep my mouth shut about things.
I told her that I was simply doing what she asked, that when something was on my mind to bring it up. She said my timing was bad and I need to learn when some things are a big deal and others are not.
I told her that in the past, I kept the way I was feeling quiet because this is exactly what happens, and that her blowing up like this only makes me want to keep my feelings quiet again. I told her that it is difficult for me to know what her rules are about bringing up whats on my mind. She said that she cannot give me a script and that I just need to listen to her and learn when it is appropriate to bring up things and when it is not.
I am very frustrated. In our argument last Tuesday, she wanted me to stop 'stockpiling' things that she's done to upset me, and to talk about them as they happen. Yet I did that today and it turns into a huge argument.
On the plus side, she finally agrees that we need counseling due to our lack of communication (among other issues), and has agreed to go with me. She says that it makes her very sad that we need to see a counselor not even 3 months after being married.
Almost three years walking on eggshells with her... it is exhausting sometimes.
OK - let me know what I can do to make this better. As always, I am open to my shortcomings in the relationship, so I look forward to your constructive criticism.