They say there are three sides to every story. Mine, yours and the truth. In reading here we often times see the spouse portrayed as the villan. Not much is spoken about their good qualities and a whole lot is spoken about our good qualities.
In the two instances when the spouse did come on here, the story was VERY different from what was being reported.
So I am curious, what would your spouse say is "their side" of the story? For me, he would say that I am closed off emotionally. Do I portray that here though? Nope. I appear very open but is that reality? No.
So, I am curious to hear from those who want to be very honest and skip the persona.
Mine posts here too so if she wants to tell me I'm wrong she can. This is what I think she would say, Joe is a closed person who shows little to no emotion about anything. He is a workaholic who always has to be right. He is quick with criticism and slow to praise. I'll try to think of more horrible qualities I possess and post back later.
My ex-husband began taking a deep look inward after we divorced. He also started attending church regularly. Over the past few years he has gotten to be rather involved member in his church. He truly has changed and for the better. On a few occasions he has gotten choked up a little when talks about what an a$$hole he used to be and how much of the time it was to me.
However, if he was telling “our” story within the first six months of ending the marriage, I’m certain his narration would be much different than it is now.
As she knocks on my skull with her knuckles - "Yep. Nothing in the noggin!'"
She would really say, "Why can't he be as expressive and happy with me as he is with our children?" She says that I can never trust anybody at a deep, emotional level. I never open up, and my life is a closed book before she met me. She thinks that I was so traumatized by abandonment and homelessness as a kid that I cannot let people get close to me, and that I never just stop and breathe. She says I have hot shoulders, though. That's a positive. And an awesome father.
My stbxw’s told different things to different people to such an extent that I no longer believe a word she says about me. I don’t think even she knows what she thinks about me for more than 5 minutes or so.
I'm no longer in a relationship, so I can't say. But I've heard a different version of what you quoted above, and I think (personally) that this is more true. 5 sides to the story: A's side, B's side, the side A doesn't tell, the side B doesn't tell, and the truth.
I speculate CONSTANTLY what she says about me. I don't think I'm doing myself any favours by doing so, nor do I think it would really be beneficial for me to write it on here (as much as I desperately want to). I think I could pretty accurately write what she logically should be thinking, but me trying to guess at her version of the truth is still only just my version of the truth. For me moving on means letting go of the fantasy I've been using to cope with the pain, so I think I will refrain from going there on this thread, but I look forward to reading everyone else's comments!
I think ultimately my spouse would say I am selfish.
I have been co-dependent for many years and now I am speaking up for myself and it causes major problems because she was understandably very happy before I started doing that. When I speak up and ask for my needs to be considered too, she believes it is selfish behavior.
Actually sent her an email and asked if she would care to respond. If she does ... I'll post it.
Oh wow! I am very curious to hear what she has to say.
Not you at all but do you remember the post of a guy who made his wife out to be some harpy who "hated" sex and was hell bent on destroying him? His wife found out about his posts and told a very different story of his serial infidelities, physical abuse and alcohol addiction. Very eye opening.
The truth oftentimes is very hard to get. Everybody wants to paint themselves in the best light.
To those who responded, do you think what your spouse would say is accurate?
In my case, it is an honest assessment, but mainly because it seemed that although I really wanted to open up and talk to her about feelings, it was hard to do when her needs were immediate, and life-threatening, in a sense. There was a lot of wierd fitness testing going on in the early years, plus I struggled with how to express many of my needs.
My wife had a major depressive/suicidal breakdown just after we got engaged, almost a month after her doctor had prescribed an anti-depressant. I wrote a letter to the foundation that had given me my scholarship and dropped out of college to marry, because her parents had just moved away. To be honest, I had never seen a functional marriage or family, but I now had a wife who desperately needed me. It seemed like any discontent that I felt just had to be within me. Everything was new.