AllyM

So yesterday I asked my H (we have been separated for a year) if he would help me move the furniture from the deck into the house since we are getting a hurricane on Sunday. He told said "we are only getting rain but I will do it so you stop breaking my *****" Okay so now I'm pissed and I do it myself. Well today when he got to my/our house at 4pm to do it he flipped (a bit of background about today, he left his cell phone at his house then at 9am went to the package store with my kids left his credit card there then went to play golf all day, obviously the reason we are separated is he needs to grow up, stop playing golf everyday and stop drinking so much) so now I am really pissed. Since he saw I did the furniture myself i have been getting text after text of him saying he is filing for divorce, I hope you can take care of the kids alone, go find a boyfriend.....WTF this is not the first time for this kind of crazy, I think it mostly happens when he has been drinking. I don't know what to do, I am not answering any texts because I am so sick of this drama. I know I should probably just walk away, I know he will apologize like crazy tomorrow.

Don't know what to do.

lotuslove

How long you been married? ever done therapy solo or together?

AllyM

We have been married for 17 years and we are currently in marriage counseling and both of us have done individual. I grew up with an alcoholic mother (now she's sober) and I think my struggle to leave (permanently) has something to do with my childhood.

lotuslove

When did you start counseling? Struggle to leave could have to do with childhood sure. Do you WANT to leave?

DanF

Why do you give him the opportunity to give crap to you?
If you needed help with the furniture and your H is such a PITA, why not call someone else?
Since you called him and then moved it yourself, why did you ask for his help in the first place?
Either you need HIM or you don't. If someone called me for help with something and I showed up to find out that the job was done and that person didn't need my help, I would consider it a waste of my time.

that_girl

Screw that mess. File for divorce, call his bluff.

lotuslove

This kind of statement comes around in situations like this. Things are never cut and dry like that... especially marriages and where kids are involved. Its a given she and people in these situations are not able (yet) to change their situation. I think offering suggestions is a better approach.

We all have let people give us **** at one time or another. Kind of reminds me of the idea of telling a heroin addict to just put down the pipe (or whatever it is they use).

DanF

I know that I am harsh and abrupt. It's the way I do things. Put right out there and don't sugar coat it.
As I told another poster before; "If you want someone to hold your hand and tell you, 'It's alright, Sweetie. None of this is your fault." then this is not the place for you.
I do not set about in my posts to offend, but I do believe that when in these situations, a good jolt of common sense can do some good. It did me when I was having a rough time. One of my best friends was a lot tougher than I am here and it opened my eyes.

AllyM either needed help from her H or she didn't to get the chairs moved.
He whined about it, she moved the chairs alone and he showed up to find out that she didn't really need to bother him.
So why did she do it?
Either she didn't think that she could do it on her own and didn't try before calling or she wanted an excuse to see him.

So yes, I am tough and I can be hard on others. A harsh dose of common sense is warranted at times.

4sure

He is an alcoholic
You've been separated for a year, and nothing has changed.
You're sick of the drama.

Sorry Ally, but it's time to file for a divorce, and move on. It's obvious, after a year, he hasn't changed, and more than likely won't

turnera

Yep. Move on.