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Old 08-27-2011, 03:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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I am not so sure. I have very close female friends (4 of them) and we share almost everything. I think it's good because we can talk and vent and stuff. But I don't share anything with them that I don't share with my husband.
I agree. You should have those one or two friends that you share much with. Hopefully she shares more with you than her friends. You should be her number one support.

On the flip side of things. No disrespect to anyone. If you flip on the television - lesbian and gay relationships appears to be exploding. (I believe most of that is media trying to make it appear common - that's a different story).

How transparent is your wife when talking about her friend? If she doesn't discuss their details much, then maybe that's an issue. Being that the friend had a very short marriage, and hasn't had any relationships, there's something strange going on there. Ask your wife about the details of that failed marriage about why it imploded. Your wife shouldn't have a problem talking about it, unless she's hiding something.

Maybe check out friend's facebook. She what kind of friends she has on there etc.

Regardless, don't get too paranoid. Could be innocent.
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:41 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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Regardless, don't get too paranoid. Could be innocent.
I'm afraid we're past innocence here since the woman is giving my wife specific advice to escalate conflict in our marriage in order to get her way or get back at me. Unfortunately, this is not particularly good advice since it is literally breaking us apart. We have three kids and my wife is taking advice from someone with no husband and no kids. This is not good. The biggest losers are the kids who are already suffering, followed by my wife who is persevering enormous pain (caused by herself). Oddly, I may come out ahead here but it still makes me very sad
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Old 08-27-2011, 08:57 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Give her a taste of reality and send both your W and the kids to have an extented visit with this toxic friend.
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Old 08-27-2011, 10:10 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

You know the other person just might be a lesbian who is after your wife. Don't dismiss it too quickly.
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Old 08-27-2011, 10:16 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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You know the other person just might be a lesbian who is after your wife. Don't dismiss it too quickly.
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I'm certainly not dismissing it but I don't want to jump to unwarranted conclusions. So far it looks like these two are very confused and find themselves in each other's arms.
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Old 08-28-2011, 04:53 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Of course, it may very well go the route of a full-blown opposite-sex affair if this "friend" starts feeding her the "Oh, honey...you can do SO MUCH BETTER than him" lines.
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Old 08-28-2011, 10:37 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Have you tried talking to her about this? Before jumping to PI's and invading her privacy, which I find absurd to do. That is a last resort.

Talk to her, find out what is going on with her, her feelings, her life. There is more to this story, what else is happening in both of your lives?
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Old 08-30-2011, 02:35 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

She is back with me now and is busy revising what happened to protect her friend. But I'm not the vindictive type so it's not really a problem. To answer my original question, yes. My wife was seperated and unfaithful to me and our marriage whether there was any physical activity or not.
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Old 09-06-2011, 11:50 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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I'm afraid we're past innocence here since the woman is giving my wife specific advice to escalate conflict in our marriage in order to get her way or get back at me. Unfortunately, this is not particularly good advice since it is literally breaking us apart. We have three kids and my wife is taking advice from someone with no husband and no kids. This is not good. The biggest losers are the kids who are already suffering, followed by my wife who is persevering enormous pain (caused by herself). Oddly, I may come out ahead here but it still makes me very sad
Have you guys attempted marriage counseling at. If she does care about your well-being, then she would consider going.

Since the other woman is giving her marriage ruining advice, you guys need to talk.
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Old 09-07-2011, 04:31 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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In this case my wife has withdrawn, out of spite regarding something where she didn't get her way in my humble opinion. She is a needy person and she has replaced me with her "friend". She and her friend are in the process of breaking up our marriage, again out of spite or just to prove they can using a "my way or the highway" approach but trying to get me involved in a guessing game regarding what exactly their way is. The question remains to be is my wife being unfaithful?
I think unfaithful is the wrong term for what your wife is doing, but it is clear she has withdrawn from your marriage to a large extent and is having what I would call an EA.

You need to decide what you want and after doing that see if she will meet you or not. In the meantime you might want to try to find a good marriage counselor but be aware there are a lot of lousy ones.

As for a PA I know several women who were married, had children, and in their 40s and/or 50s decided that other women met their needs far more than men. Sexuality is not a given for men or women, nor is it a point on a line.

My stbx spent hours daily on the phone with her mother, went out with her mom and or gf's several times a week and ignored me a great deal. At some point I realized that my marriage had died some years back so I moved on with my life, I'm much, much happier since I left.

There is life after marriage TYH.

Good luck!
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Old 09-07-2011, 05:34 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

To answer the initial question, sure, it's possible. Now, this is not to say that wour wife can't have friends or whatever. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your wife (or husband) having a ear to vent to.

However...

Not to threadjack, but I'm in a long term relationship. 11+ years. Blah blah blah. My SO has (yet another) EA. Her best friend (at the time) was fanning the flames and encouraging her EA, whilst angling toward... I dunno, something in their own relationship. It started off innocently enough, with minor gripes... but suddenly, my tight-lipped SO was offering up info that was absolutely crossing boundries to her best friend while indulging in an EA. I don't know exactly what her friend was angling for, but my SO was giving all of her positive emotions to a man at work while getting encouragement (and negative reinforcement) from her friend... while her friend was telling her how bad her marriage was and how ours reflected it in so many ways (and was therefore just as bad)... how their "terrible" situations were so similar... it was building a negative charge.

Everything was great for her when talking to her pet scumbag at work... and then she'd talk to her "bestest pal" about how everything between she and I was horrible, and her friend would agree and fuel the flames.

To this day, I don't know exactly what her agenda was- whether it was merely "misery loves company," or "switch your sexual orientation and run with me to the Casbah" or what.

To drag this all around to an actual point, I eventually pointed out that I (indeed, we) couldn't work on our problems if I wasn't the one being told about them. No one is a mind reader.

Eventually, she broke off the friendship. And, after being busted, the EA.

She was absolutely getting her emotional needs (different needs) tended to by two different people that weren't, y'know, me.

Last edited by Unsure in Seattle; 09-07-2011 at 05:44 PM.
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