Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?
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Old 08-27-2011, 11:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

My question is, if my wife withdraws emotionally from our marriage and proceeds to have her emotional needs met by a single female friend, is this an emotional affair? Her friend is her former college professor/faculty adviser with whom she has had a close personal relationship ever since undergraduate days. My wife stays over at her house and they are constantly in touch through phone, email, text, et cet. I have never seen or heard of her friend having a boyfriend, male companion or even a date. My wife says she (the friend) was married for a short period of time (like a year) long ago with disastrous results. My wife also says her friend claims to have been abused by her (the friend's) father although the father and everyone else (mother and sister) deny any abuse. Back to the question, can there be an emotional affair with the same sex?
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Yes, and plant a VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car and this will help comfirm if it has gone PA (phsyical affair).

Start investingating your wifes loyalty, a PI is well worth the money, you diserve the truth and her behavior has broken the trust in the marriage.

Why continue to be lied to, you diserve the truth, so don't ask her, she will deny any PA, do this quitely and get the answers you diserve.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:29 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

I am not so sure. I have very close female friends (4 of them) and we share almost everything. I think it's good because we can talk and vent and stuff. But I don't share anything with them that I don't share with my husband.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Yes, it is possible, and it may very well NOT be anything sapphic or romantic. This friend is filling a need that she feels you are not giving her-maybe affirmation or even something as simple as a sympathetic ear.
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

So people can't have friends? I can't have the type of friend where you don't talk about your issues and triumphs and sometimes nothing at all....that would be pointless to me.

I am close to my female friends. We talk about everything and console each other when needed. I see nothing wrong with that.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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So people can't have friends? I can't have the type of friend where you don't talk about your issues and triumphs and sometimes nothing at all....that would be pointless to me.

I am close to my female friends. We talk about everything and console each other when needed. I see nothing wrong with that.
I agree...starts to border on the paranoia when talking to a female friend is assumed to be cheating. Geez.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

TG, & P-
Yes, people can have friend but there is a reason an intution that TYH has posted here, there is something more to it and whether a EA or a PA, his chick is cheating him out of a marriage. Who knows most likely they are cheating each other out of a healthy marriage.

I take the stand that since her mentioned the OW relationship statues that the possiblity that .......well the sure fact that someone else is influencing the marriage and TYH is looking for different perspectives.

So for the sake of being proactive TYH's W is not cheating , there still is a problematic marriage that needs to be adressed.


Forgive me for mentioning the possiblity that an affair is effecting his marriage and he should just have blind trust, the kind of blind trust that got many of us in trouple over at the Infidelity Forum.

Last edited by the guy; 08-27-2011 at 01:23 PM.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Emotional affairs can happen between same sex as well as oposite sex friends. An emotional affair pulls too much emitional energy away from the spouse. If a woman gets the majority of her emotional support from a woman and not her husband it can cause all of the same problems as an EA with a man. I have known a few wives that do this and think nothing of it. But the problem is that they rely upon their female friends so much that it has excluded their husbands. As a result they don't really communicate with them. Then their "support" group reenforces the idea that husbands are incapable of doing or understanding anything. You might say this is really a toxic freindship and it is but it is also an EA. Those ladies that have great news and come home to ignore the husband to call their friend first to tell them the news are having an EA. And it is everybit as damaging to a marriage.

Most women friend are not like the few I am refering to but they do exist. So yes, that_girl you can have woman friends as long as it does not damage the marriage.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:42 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Emotional affairs are only affairs IMO if they become primary to yours. Do you feel that's the case? I dont think most people can lean just on one person completely emotionally. Friends, family, colleagues all color our lives and help us meet all kinds of different emotional needs... but if it seems to be taking too much time away or your relationship has changed drastically or you dont feel anywhere near the same connection I think you should talk to her.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:45 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby View Post
My question is, if my wife withdraws emotionally from our marriage and proceeds to have her emotional needs met by a single female friend, is this an emotional affair? Her friend is her former college professor/faculty adviser with whom she has had a close personal relationship ever since undergraduate days. My wife stays over at her house and they are constantly in touch through phone, email, text, et cet. I have never seen or heard of her friend having a boyfriend, male companion or even a date. My wife says she (the friend) was married for a short period of time (like a year) long ago with disastrous results. My wife also says her friend claims to have been abused by her (the friend's) father although the father and everyone else (mother and sister) deny any abuse. Back to the question, can there be an emotional affair with the same sex?

Not many families who had abuse in the family will admit it. It took my mother over 20yrs to admit what she did to me and apologize for it.
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Old 08-27-2011, 01:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
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TG, & P-
Yes, people can have friend but there is a reason an intution that TYH has posted here, there is something more to it and whether a EA or a PA, his chick is cheating him out of a marriage. Who knows most likely they are cheating each other out of a healthy marriage.

I take the stand that since her mentioned the OW relationship statues that the possiblity that .......well the sure fact that someone else is influencing the marriage and TYH is looking for different perspectives.

So for the sake of being proactive TYH's W is not cheating , there still is a problematic marriage that needs to be adressed.


Forgive me for mentioning the possiblity that an affair is effecting his marriage and he should just have blind trust, the kind of blind trust that got many of us in trouple over at the Infidelity Forum.
Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't listen when she does try to talk to him. Not saying that is the case but, if we're going to throw probabilities out.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:04 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

Very true, F- has a good point, a need isn't being met. With that TYH should look at him self, for sure, and explore all posiblities as to why. Hopefully finding the why will help him find a cure.

I just have to take into account the statement TYH made to the OW relationship statues that got me to wonder.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:36 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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Emotional affairs are only affairs IMO if they become primary to yours.
I used to think this for awhile but I no longer think it is this simple. I think the thing to focus on is the impact to the spouse. The OP has had a real impact and thus notices the vacuum of the relationship. This is the problem.

I came to realize this because of my EA where I fell in love with another woman and was being more than a friend towards her. I still loved my wife more than anyone else in the world and we have a good relationship. However she did notice my behavior differences towards the OW and this caused her some pain. It was damage to the marriage. The fact that my wife was the most important person to me helped but was not enough to prevent the feelings she had. This is where boundaries come in and they are what enables each spouse to set the comfort zone of their relationship to others. In my case primary was not enough there needed to be a wider gap.
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Old 08-27-2011, 03:32 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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Emotional affairs are only affairs IMO if they become primary to yours. Do you feel that's the case? I dont think most people can lean just on one person completely emotionally. Friends, family, colleagues all color our lives and help us meet all kinds of different emotional needs... but if it seems to be taking too much time away or your relationship has changed drastically or you dont feel anywhere near the same connection I think you should talk to her.
In this case my wife has withdrawn, out of spite regarding something where she didn't get her way in my humble opinion. She is a needy person and she has replaced me with her "friend". She and her friend are in the process of breaking up our marriage, again out of spite or just to prove they can using a "my way or the highway" approach but trying to get me involved in a guessing game regarding what exactly their way is. The question remains to be is my wife being unfaithful?
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Old 08-27-2011, 03:52 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Same Sex Emotional Affair - Is This Possible?

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Maybe, just maybe, he doesn't listen when she does try to talk to him. Not saying that is the case but, if we're going to throw probabilities out.
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This is certainly a factor. "Listen" is a codeword here that means "do what I say". But this is not always realistic and is a source of conflict. So she talks to me and I don't always "listen" which means I don't do what she wants, ie, she doesn't get her way. This is her justification for emotionally abandoning me and finding what she needs from her "friend". So is this an emotional affair?
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