General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
My poor kids. I worry about what their life is going to be like every other week if my wife and I get a divorce. I'm a pretty good cook and house keeper (probably one of several things that led to our demise). I guess I said something yesterday morning that insinuated that my wife wasn't good at taking care of the kids. This lit a spark under her butt and she got kind of semi-motivated yesterday and cleaned up the house, or at least dabbled at cleaning between iphone/texting/facebook/games sessions.
She said that she would be making supper and already had something planned. Ok, she doesn't cook very often. I anxiously await supper time. It kept getting later and later and still no supper started. A little later she announced that supper was ready and for everyone to come eat. We came in and there was a tub of strawberries on the table still in the plastic container. There was also a cantaloupe on the table. It was cut up, I will give her pints for that. We asked what was for supper and she said shrimp. My 14 yo asked what kind of shrimp. She said just shrimp and asked if he could get the shrimp out of the fridge and bring it to the table. He pulled out a large bag full of frozen shrimp, still frozen rock hard. That was supper. They were pre-cooked, so at least that was a plus. Everyone just looked around at each other. I thawed them out in a strainer and we had shrimp, strawberries and cantaloupe.
My poor kids are going to starve on her week or else live on junk food all day waiting on her to get home late and make them something to eat. This is why she wants to live on our land 500' from me, so that she can send them to my house to eat every night because she won't be there to feed them and when she is she just throws a box of something on the table. Unbelievable.
Can you start to give your kids cooking lessons - especially the one who is 14 yo? It's a great life skill that every one should have - one which apparently your wife missed out on.
At least make sure that when the kids are up and grown they will have had a good role model in you in this area.
Oh Mike I can relate... my W can atleast take care of the basics if she has to, but I think her diet for the past 4 months has consited of protein shakes, not really sure how our son does when he is there. Maybe she has gotten to be a better cook since living on her own (I doubt it). It hurts knowing that child support payments are going to be used all on dining out, grocery store deli meals and premade salad... but I suppose it will be her money to spend how she sees fit and as long as our son is getting some basic nutrition he'll be ok - it kind of puts an onus on me to make sure that I'm not slacking on the proper food for him but it really is a win/win since I want to improve my own nutrition too.
Sounds like an ok meal for an adult whose trying to loose weight, but growing children?
My son tends to be a little picky of an eater, not something I’m thrilled about. Most kids are perfectly happy with a meal which is simple to prepare. How hard is it to open a can of soup and make a grilled cheese sandwich? A bean and cheese burrito (my sons favorite)? A tuna sandwich with side of fruit maybe?
These are not my ideal dinner options for my son. However during baseball season when we must leave the house before 5pm and do not get home until after 8pm, I have resorted to them. By the time he showers, consumes dinner and finish any homework he didn’t have time for before we left, it is 9pm when he gets into bed. Anyhow, point I’m trying to make is that feeding your kids is not rocket science either.
Sounds like an ok meal for an adult whose trying to loose weight, but growing children?
My son tends to be a little picky of an eater, not something I’m thrilled about. Most kids are perfectly happy with a meal which is simple to prepare. How hard is it to open a can of soup and make a grilled cheese sandwich? A bean and cheese burrito (my sons favorite)? A tuna sandwich with side of fruit maybe?
These are not my ideal dinner options for my son. However during baseball season when we must leave the house before 5pm and do not get home until after 8pm, I have resorted to them. By the time he showers, consumes dinner and finish any homework he didn’t have time for before we left, it is 9pm when he gets into bed. Anyhow, point I’m trying to make is that feeding your kids is not rocket science either.
Exactly - soup, sandwich, spaghetti, canned ravioli, veggies in cheese, chicken nuggets... The list is endless. Posted via Mobile Device
Wow! I can't even imagine! My children do get home cooked meals. I have found that cooking saves a lot of money, and my teenage daughters enjoy making requests. That's all part of living within our budget. However, I don't know where to start with your wife's problem. Perhaps when she has less money necessity will be a great teacher. I can understand why she wants to live nearby.
She can cook if she wants to (not even close to me though) but she doesn't like to. I was rushing around last week with football practice, homework, etc and still manage to cook. On the busiest day I had last week I baked Talapia with a side garnish or chopped cilantro, tomatoes and bell peppers. I also grilled some sliced zucchini, squash and bell peppers and cut up some melons for dessert. It took about an hour start to finish. Don't get me wrong, I have "pizza night" or something like that when I am totally behind and overloaded or behind of the grocery shopping, but she has zero desire to cook anything any more. Ever.
She likes to go to Wal-Mart and buy a roasted chicken and a tub of potato salad. Nothing wrong with that but sh will just put it on the table and say suppers ready and let them fend for themselves while she goes back to playing on her phone. Then she will leave the left overs on the table until the next day and throw it all away, sometimes more than half the food.
The way it usually goes down now is if she gets home late I do all of it. If she gets home at a normal time, or even before me, sh is on the couch texting or whatever she does on her phone. I will start supper and she doesn't offer to help any at all. When supper is ready she will come in and eat and then when its done she goes right back to playing on her phone - doesn't help put leftovers away, doesn't help with the dishes, doesn't even take her plate to the sink. She just has this entitlement mentality that she is above all of that. I spoiled her. When she got her job two years ago I told her that I would handle all the domestic duties (plus my job) so that she could focus 100% on her job and get a good start. Six months into that it all came unwound and was all over. Now she is just about worthless around the house and with the kids. All she cares about his her career an her work friends. Very sad. My 14 yo is pretty resentful about the situation and has lost respect for her.
M188, I think I understand exactly where you are coming from, sitting down for a home made meal as a family was definitely not in the vocabulary of my W's love language. She would deliberately leave the kitchen/dining area all the time and wait for the food to go cold because she didn't like to eat things that were too hot. I loved to cook the meals but its damn hard work, and when you feel underappreciated you start taking shortcuts and start not caring. Now she has left cooking has become a whole new gruelling task, I suppose I'm going to have to start inviting over women who can appreciate a good meal made for them
Frozen shrimp that was still frozen? Are you serious? That doesn't sound like lazy, that sounds like mental problems. Who wouldn't know you had to thaw the shrimp and heat it?
Maybe your old kids could learn some simple meals, like grill cheese sandwich and soup? It may not be the greatest meal but at least it would be better than still frozen shrimp.
what happened to soup and sandwiches.....i lived on that stuff, my kids too....
that almost sounds like my mil, she cant cook, and stopped for about 10 or 12 years, her kids lived on mickey d's, burger king...and all the gross places you wouldnt go, even if it was to feed your dog.
she has tried to go back to cooking..but she was never interested in the first place, and i have said, you know you have to brown that first, or if you cook the eggs a little first, then add the cheese, it melts better, and its good...
i lent her 2 different cook books, one very professional, and one very easy to understand, with everything explained...she looked at them both...
i dont even want to describe the holiday terror that her kids had to eat...my husband and i didnt have to. when she called her family to eat..it took them about 5/10 minutes to come to the table...
i was confused..she said something about how it takes them forever to come to the table, you know how it is....no i my house,, when the food is done, dont be standing near it you will be injured...
even the cat would come running...
well now that i depressed you.....the kids will eventually be grown, and will make their own food choices, and will prob choose good stuff. a little bad food wont affect them later in life.
if they can cook for them selves, they will..
my husband grew up on fast food....now he watches food channel for new food to make for our kids.
Frozen shrimp that was still frozen? Are you serious? That doesn't sound like lazy, that sounds like mental problems. Who wouldn't know you had to thaw the shrimp and heat it?
It may be mental problems in some areas. One of her business associates from another state told me she needs professional help. He told her everything that I have been telling her the last 18 months without even knowing what my stance on it was. There are a few people giving her good advice, but she chooses to ignore them and listen to those who tell her what she wants to hear or who stroke her ego. She surrounds herself with enablers. Very sad.
She bought them frozen mid-afternoon and put them in the fridge. I guess she assumed they would be thawed in a few hours but it was a huge bag frozen solid so that whole thermal mass thing was working against her. And I guess we were going to just eat them right out of the bag. I started thawing the shrimp and my 14 yo went back to his room. When I was done I told him supper was ready. He just gave me this look, kind of disbelief with kind of a smirk and just shook his head - kind of like saying "she's crazy".
We do soup and sandwiches too, but that's in the winter. It's about 110 degrees here now.
My MIL isn't much of a cook either. Once she made a new recipe by taking a hamburger bun and putting a piece of cheese on it, then a few strips of raw bacon and then a slice of tomato. You don't have to be a trained chef to know that isn't going to turn out. The bread was burnt and the bacon was still mostly raw. She put it on the table and everyone there (about 12 of us) picked at it and choked it down the best we could.
My 10 yo is the chef. He can make lots of stuff all by himself - cake, brownies, cookies, tuna salad, sandwiches, mac & cheese.
It may be mental problems in some areas. One of her business associates from another state told me she needs professional help. He told her everything that I have been telling her the last 18 months without even knowing what my stance on it was. There are a few people giving her good advice, but she chooses to ignore them and listen to those who tell her what she wants to hear or who stroke her ego. She surrounds herself with enablers. Very sad.
She bought them frozen mid-afternoon and put them in the fridge. I guess she assumed they would be thawed in a few hours but it was a huge bag frozen solid so that whole thermal mass thing was working against her. And I guess we were going to just eat them right out of the bag. I started thawing the shrimp and my 14 yo went back to his room. When I was done I told him supper was ready. He just gave me this look, kind of disbelief with kind of a smirk and just shook his head - kind of like saying "she's crazy".
We do soup and sandwiches too, but that's in the winter. It's about 110 degrees here now.
My MIL isn't much of a cook either. Once she made a new recipe by taking a hamburger bun and putting a piece of cheese on it, then a few strips of raw bacon and then a slice of tomato. You don't have to be a trained chef to know that isn't going to turn out. The bread was burnt and the bacon was still mostly raw. She put it on the table and everyone there (about 12 of us) picked at it and choked it down the best we could.
My 10 yo is the chef. He can make lots of stuff all by himself - cake, brownies, cookies, tuna salad, sandwiches, mac & cheese.
Even if the shrimp was thawed what a weird meal????? Posted via Mobile Device
My Poor Kids Will Go hungry Every Other Week 
