Originally Posted by ThirdTimeACharm View Post
Catherine, you give this guys wife full license to shut down...this advise only encourages her to continue acting like a 12 year old child. There is NO reason for her to stop trying, none, zero, zip, that was given to us in this thread. She is passively agressive and knows how to make this man hurt, and it is working. Women like you come along and justify her very bad behavior and this advise makes this situation even worse. You make it sound like she was kidnapped and is being held hostage. She signed up so the right thing to do is help this poor man make things better.
This wife should be the one to feel glad that she has a man that is putting up with her immature behavior...so you see you got this backwards, upside down. Perhaps you and this wife should both read Dr. Laura's book "The Care and Feeding of Husbands"...it seems you have a lot to learn on this topic.
His attitude is not wrong...YOURS IS! You want him to feel bad because he has sexual needs? You want him to feel bad for being a man? He is there wanting to make things better for her but you choose not to see this. I'm so glad my fiancee does not share your opinion on this.
Let me give you a little advice.
You have had an uncommon number of failed relationships and you seem to blame it on the women in your relationships. Have you ever looked at your role? If not, the odds are that when the honeymoon period wears off, your anger will be directed towards you new love and you will get the same result you have always gotten - a failed relationship.
My advice to G is sound and realistic. If he follows your line of reasoning, he will definitely lose her. Your assessment that she should feel lucky to have him is way off the mark.
She is young, no kids, supports herself and he has two kids, stuck geographically, crazy ex, needs a woman to be a mother to his kids, and needs her salary. He is lucky that she took this on and he should tread carefully because he is highly unlikely to find a woman of her character who will take on his baggage.
This is no time for him to make demands it is time for him to step back be realistic and appreciate and value of what he has. The problem seems to be that he overestimates his value and underestimates hers. That is what you are doing and you are advising him to devalue her more. I'd like to see that work.
He should thank her every day for what she has done for him. He should go back to therapy by himself if necessary to fix his attitude. He should bend over backwards to meet her needs and to relieve her of the burden that he has placed on her.
If you think reading that book is going to suddenly make her realize that she needs to prostrated herself at his male alter, you need to get a grip. She has lost her sexual attraction to him and where is his leverage?
If he divorces her it will be a relief to her and a problem for him because he will have to find a replacement. Women like her are not looking for a man who needs them for a mother and financial support and a little sex thrown in.
He needs her but he is still under the impression that he has got all the cards. She has got the get out of jail card she is just has not reached her tipping point yet. If he hands her that book and makes more demands that should do it.