helpless

Jron · 09-02-2011, 03:40 PM

My wife of 4 years has given me an ultimatum...again....If "I" dont change my ways then its over....The problem is that I feel helpless..like "me" changing is not in my control...My changing will be just how she views me through her eyes....

I am as simple as they come..I work 2 jobs 60-80 hours a week...My wife is a stay at home mom. I get 2 week days off a week and every other weekend at my second job...My primary job is 40 hours a week M-F 8-4....Her #1 complaint is that I dont spend enough time with the kids...Fact is I have no problem sitting down an playing with my girls...(3 yrs old and 8 mo.)....If I so much as come home one day in a less than perfect mood..she thinks that I am terrible...I dont party, dont drink, dont smoke, dont hang out with buddies all the time...all my time is either at work or at home with kids and wife. She on the other hand is on a rollar coaster of emotions. I could do something one time and its no big deal but other times I do it, its like I am satan himself......Thats why i feel like this is out of my control.....I feel that I stay the same...so I am afraid that she will end up leaving me based on some warped view she has of me.....I love my wife and kids....If you asked her right now...she would tell you that I am a terrible father.....I am just shocked by the whole situation myself...I cannot believe how she perceives me sometimes...I am by nature a very quiet person..I am not one to just strike a conversation up with someone....My biggest fear is that she will leave me....and then all of this will be for naught.....its like she is making this out to be a bigger deal than it is.....She will then realize that I wasnt that bad after all.....Please give any advice....I apologize because I am sure that this has been covered but I just came here desperate for answers not taking the time to research the site....

Confused in MS

unbelievable · 09-02-2011, 04:06 PM

Guess you have two options. You can try to yield to her ultimatum which means jumping through the hoop of the week for the rest of your life or you can simply tell her that filing for divorce is and always has been her option. She apparently suffers from the illusion that there are perfect mates out there, that she deserves one, and that they are just chomping at the bit to hook up with a stay at home mom with two kids. You're a hard worker, decent morals, not cooking meth in the basement, not beating your wife, not molesting your kids, not drinking or drugging the family's money away. Life could be worse.

Conrad · 09-02-2011, 04:09 PM

Jron,

You sound like a nice guy. That's where your problems start.

The Man Up and Nice Guy Reference

Read the links and survive this.

Sanity · 09-03-2011, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unbelievable

Guess you have two options. You can try to yield to her ultimatum which means jumping through the hoop of the week for the rest of your life or you can simply tell her that filing for divorce is and always has been her option. She apparently suffers from the illusion that there are perfect mates out there, that she deserves one, and that they are just chomping at the bit to hook up with a stay at home mom with two kids. You're a hard worker, decent morals, not cooking meth in the basement, not beating your wife, not molesting your kids, not drinking or drugging the family's money away. Life could be worse.

Brother your logic is irrefutable as always. If only my STBXW understood this.

Runs like Dog · 09-03-2011, 08:45 AM

She's got a toddler and an infant at home. That's pretty wearing, no? And you're never there to help her. Hire an au pair or nanny or something. Sounds like you could afford it.