questionme2

I am here because i am increasingly feeling unattracted to my husband of 12 years. He's always been an attractive guy. He was very thin when i met him and has maintained that ... For the most part. However, he recent started working out (cardio only) and he's just skeletal. He has always seemed feminine in some ways, but this gaunt look is just making me see him as gay. We have had our "are you gay?" discussions. He says he is not even though he will talk about male actors in a way I'm not comfortable with. When we went to marriage counseling, i brought this skeletal/starving himself stuff up. The therapist said it was none of my business and i was judging. I said i was worried! I even got him some free personal training sessions to give him some progressional guidance. The trainer told me that my husband is stubborn and he was worried he might break. It's so bad i can tell by his horrible breath that he's going into ketosis.

Before you judge .. You should know i was thrilled when he was even 10 or 15 pounds over weight. I think he looked more like a "man". If he was 40 lbs overweight... I'd feel better. He just seems so weak. He even walks all slumped over and appears like he's insecure. I'm sure he's just exhausted from low calorie loads!

I have many other issues with my husband .. But i must say this is really putting a wedge between my feelings for him. I don't want to kiss him because his breath smells (he has been to dentist and brushes all the time..it's ketosis) and i just feel he looks feminine and acts gay.

When I've discussed this with him openly ... He just says that he likes being this thin. Yesterday his jeans were falling far past his waist and i was stunned. These jeans fit 2 months ago. He now has a 30/32 waist. He's 6'3 and less than 160 pounds. When i said "wow, you lost more weight!". He said ... Yeah how about that. He was happy. I reserved comment because the therapist said i can't comment.

How do i change my feelings?
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that_girl

He needs to weight lift so he can bulk up.

My husband is the same, but his is due to stress.

I don't know how you should deal with how you feel....maybe just make him really good dinners? LOL During our first year, my hubs gained about 20 pounds!

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that_girl

I will say this sounds like when I had an eating disorder. I also had that bad breath even though I was brushing all the time. It went away when I improved my nutrition.

6'3" is way too tall to be under 160 (although my first BF was naturally skinny and 6'4" at about 150...)

My husband is only 5'8" and 140. Average but skinny for him.

Does he show other signs of an eating disorder? I know most people think only women get them, but men do too.

And just because a man likes being skinny, doesn't mean he's gay lol.

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AbsolutelyFree

It's possible for men to have eating disorders. Probably it's more common for women, but some men do have these problems as well. I'm not a doctor or therapist, but that's what it sounds like to me.

I'm not sure how this is connected with the notion of him being homosexual though.

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Who is wise? He who learns from every person.

questionme2

He acts like I did when I had an eating disorder. He refuses fattening foods. I think he eats fewer calories than i do. I'm 5'9 and 130. He has made comments about me needing to lose weight... Have plastic surgery etc. He definitely got that under control when we went to therapy. But yes he acts as if he wants to starve himself. One day i quietly watched... I think he ate 1000 calories AND worked out.

It's not good.

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AbsolutelyFree

Hmm, well, after googling around a bit, I did read that apparently homosexual men are a lot more prone to eating disorders than heterosexual men. So I guess there could be a connection there after all.

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Who is wise? He who learns from every person.

questionme2

Yes. I just see "gay" when i see this. He has a lot of gay friends. Actually all but 2 of his friends are gay. He works with a lot of them... So that diesnt mean he IS gay. But it's just tough to deal with. He loves actor Ryan Reynolds. We were heading to a movie with him and he said something like i can't wait to see my man Ryan Reynolds.. The hottest body on the planet. It's just weird.

We just did some work on the house. He's currently folding "packing paper". You know the kind you stuff in vases? Yes. He's folding it and making sure it's properly recycled. He is THAT clean ... Anal. He even irons his boxer shorts.

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that_girl

I don't know though. My husband's best friend was gay (died 2 years ago)....my husband is not.

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