[QUOTE=OhhShiney;330329]Wow, this really hit home. I was struck by this notion about a month ago. Nobody really every controls anyone else, love and living together are totally, 100% voluntary, every second of ever day shared. I've had the feelings of insecurity implied by the above situation. I've been in counseling for self-esteem issues that arose from my first marriage, in which I had stayed far too long with a verbally abusive spouse. I didn't realize that I had the power to change my life. Well, I did, and have.
I am now married to a wonderful woman, but have occasionally bouts of jealousy regarding her second husband. I sometimes cook up images of them together.
When we began to get to know each other, and were both in a situation where we had been bruised by marriage, and were not looking for a new relationship. Never again! This was liberating, no pressure! So, naturally, we discussed our past in details. My wife described her second husband as a fantastic lover, enough so that she left her first husband, in part, because she realized what she was missing. She divorced her second husband for cheating constantly during their ten year marriage. She continued to see him physically on and off, realizing that he was not marriage material. This continued until shortly before I met her.
Well, we fell in love (never, ever, say never!) We realized that we were, to each other, everything that we wanted in a spouse. Friendship, partnership, intimacy, etc. We have become soul mates, share everything, and have an eye-rolling, toe-curling relationship on every level. We married, and have been together for nearly two years. She says I am a fantastic husband, friend, and lover. She certainly is a fantastic wife, friend, and lover.
I am terribly embarrassed to say that I had a hard time erasing the image of her in bed with her second husband — especially we live in the house and sleep in the bed they shared. These thoughts don't happen very often, but get triggered when she bumps into him in town facebook
. (insecurity, no doubt!)
I don't know how i'd feel about that.
Actually, that's a lie, i know EXACTLY how i'd feel about that. I'd take a little bit of issue with the exhubby that used to beat the p-ssy up in the same bed you lay in is FB friends with your wife. There's nothing you can do about the "random" encounters, but there is something you can do about the FB situaion. To me, that's just too close. There has to be more of a solid boundary between her and someone whose been intimate with someone for so long.
Just my 2 cents.