General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I face the same issue with my W...she is my one and only while she had 8 partners before me, none of them really serious, and a couple night stands (which I find the most repulsive thing in general)
one of the things that has helped me is learning about women sexual behavior, which there are many books about and a topic which us men are mostly clueless about anyways....
there is definitely a primitive biological behavior here you have to accept....
1. Women and Men are different, period...is not any double standard BS or whatever is used to sugar coat it...it will always be this way from a biological and sexual perspective
2. Women have a limited amount of eggs and only women can give birth to our children, thats an amazing thing if you consider how a rather simple or casual sexual event can give rise to another life....this can be troublesome to men when accepting a woman whom they will share the rest of their life with in marriage and this privileage has not reserved for him.....wether you agree or not if this how it affects you I can assure you deep beneath your subconscious level, IT DOES....
3. Man have unlimited amount of sperm and are biologically driven to mate with as many women as possible to spread their gene, and in cases the more aggressive and strong males gain this access more than weaker ones....you may thing this is BS and has nothing to do with the issue at hand, but again, deep inside primitive brain it is hitting you hard at a bioneurological level....
4. Both issues 2 and 3 essentially cause jealousy and impairs our judgement, essentially a tug of war between the prefrontal cortex (our "rational" senses) and the Amygdala/Nucleus accumbens (our primitive reptilian side)
Once I understood this in more detail and also how women perceive sex with other partners, how it affects them and so on my issues got a lot better....its always best to use rational learning and thinking, to understand the "why and how" things happens that at least for me help cope with life and lot of things....
last thing is, no one can judge you or really give you prescriptive advice on how to address this, in fact there isnt really anything wrong except for some internal misunderstanding that you cannot grasp very well....no one can tell you you cant feel this way or that you are dead wrong, you have your feelings because of who you are..its ok to feel this way as long as you dont make it hinder your life or your relationship....my W now understands fully how I feel and why and she doesnt except me to change my mind or anything, and thats the best part also when your partner accepts this from you and helps you thru it....if they abandon you or reject you that wouldnt be any good either
Dude she is a human, unless you find one that's no older than a junior in HS chances are she has slept with another person. Just be happy your sleeping with her now :P
You are still hung up there?
you have 3 kids together spent 8 years with each other and you love each other so whats the problem?
Everyone has a past.
She was young and wild but thats her past not her present and future so why are you worried?
you were her last one right so shes committed to you now
Ignore those stupid thoughts
they are baseless
i mean you are hung up on her past?
at least she doesnt cheat.
i can relate to these post in my own marriage and relationship with my wife of 28 years. first off she is my best friend , and she i love and trust very much. in my relationship with her i have felt some hurt, and loss. i met my wife when she was 17, and i was 20. we dated for 6 months and broke up. during the time we attempted sex , i entered her up to her hymen and backed out. i noticed she was crying , she said she was afraid of getting pregnant, and would worry about what her mom would think. we dated for about 6 more weeks and broke up. that one time was the only time we attempted. i was happy just to be with her. we broke up , and she kept trying to get back with me for three months. i saw her with a guy at a mall and figured she was over me, before i saw her with the guy she had given me a card that had touched my heart and i was considering contacting her. we was broke up for 18 months . before we broke up she was a virgin. we got back together , after a date or two i was troubled by a few things. when we broke up i was glad i did not have sex with her because it would have been taking what did not belong to me. on a date after we got back together she confessed she had sex with a guy that her cousin introduced her too, and she confessed she had sex with 6 or 7 other guys. i was heart broken. i had not seen any one else since i met her, i loved her and did not want to be with any one else. we married , had two kids, and have been married for 28 years. but this has bothered me off and on over the years. it bothered me bad around 10, or 11 years into the marriage. i guess raising the kids acted as a buffer during those years that helped also. but certain things trigger me. this year has been the worst ever, it seems the closer we are together the more it hurts. this past may i really stepped into depression over this. i ask about her first and she responded ( her cousin probably had him before she did ) she didn't think anything about it but i tore into me. then i got to asking about the type of vehicle he drove , she said a white van. then all i could see was some guy on top of her in the back of a white van, in living color. needless to say i was always under the impression she was in love with this guy, but this past fall she confessed to me that i was the only one she ever dated, and that i am the only one she has ever been in love with. that leaves me with the conclusion that while we was broke up she got into parting drugs, beer, sex. she was just f***ing guys for sport, pleasure, or what?. i am left feeling guilty she kept trying to get back with me , and i would not budge, i could have protected her, and prevented all of this from happening . when all of this started hammering me back in the summer i was wanting details ( that she has never given me) she will not talk about her past , she said when i ask ( i did a lot of things i wish i would not have done). i feel a load of guilt, i have been very depressed this passed year. i am thinking of looking for counseling in the near future, i need somebody to talk too , i can't trust friends with this. i am glad i am not the only one going through this , i see a lot of men suffering with this. i am tired of hurting. i love my wife more than my own life, i care for her very, very much.
Did she know you during these actions? If no she had no allegiance to you. Have you had sex with other women? If yes then you have NO ROOM to be jealous.
I know what you're speaking of but jealousy is extremely unattractive to women so ditch it. She's with you now and unless she's done the same actions since being with you then you are only hurting yourself and your relationship. If you lose those ill feelings, no matter how hard it might be, the reward of enjoying your wife will far out weight and pain in doing so.
My wife and I have our rather long sexual histories to the point we both kinda lost count, except I know that she's f--ked way more guys then I've f--ked girls most probably. I think the fact that I get really turned on at the thought of her with other guys or even women kinda prevents me from feeling jealousy.
In fact, I even encourage her to tell me her stories! And be graphic about it! Hehe, though she seems to feel sick after a while when I get her to keep thinking about it - she likes her past buried, and only remembers it for my own pleasure.
But as for ladies with a wide sexual history, I prefer that then a lady who's inexperienced. And if I was to use my wife as an example she is also extremely loyal (too loyal in fact, won't let me forfill my fantasies), a definite plus compared to the ladies who have never been there, done that.
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but this past fall she confessed to me that i was the only one she ever dated, and that i am the only one she has ever been in love with. that leaves me with the conclusion that while we was broke up she got into parting drugs, beer, sex. she was just f***ing guys for sport, pleasure, or what?
Well, my wife did it as a profession before I met her and for fun. Instead of thinking of it as "she's had other guys before", think of it as "well hey hey hey look who's the man! Stacking up against all those pathetic losers!" Feel proud of it, instead of depressed.
Be careful with the pride though, for instance... as for size, I'm also not the biggest that my wife has had. She admitted it once, and rather harshly too lol - to pop my bubble because I was being an arrogant jerk. She told me "Well I've had guys bigger then you!" and I replied "Ha! Well they obviously don't know how to use it - otherwise you wouldn't be here!"
random it just leaves a hole in my heart knowing we attempted when she was a virgin, & then the breakup. it hurts to not be her first , but then she gave it to any guy with a **** that she did not even care about back at that time. i leaves me not feeling too special to say the least.
random it just leaves a hole in my heart knowing we attempted when she was a virgin, & then the breakup. it hurts to not be her first , but then she gave it to any guy with a **** that she did not even care about back at that time. i leaves me not feeling too special to say the least.
Think of it this way mate; that guy can't f--k for sh-t
As for her being over you during that time, no she wasn't, and you can bet she was thinking about you with every thrust that guy shoved into her. Ok that's rather graphic, but the fact is - yes, you're special enough to have her mind and heart. Some other f--kwit had her body sure but pffft - he can't even satisfy her body without her thinking of you.
Hi everyone hope you can offer me some advice.
i have been married for 25 years only ever had sex with my wife i knew she had boyfriends before we met. She stopped having sex with me a number of years ago saying to me she wasnt interested i was disappointed but accepted it. She has now started to mention her past boyfriends when we are in company with her family it happens every time we meet any of them she makes a comment about one of them and it feels like a knife going through my heart when she does this. I know she had sexual relationships with these men but she wont have one with me and i feel so angry disappointed and hurt when this happens.
I dont know how to deal with this situation i feel lonely frustrated and humiliated.
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Re: SUPER jealous of wife's past 
