Newly married, but am fearing the worse, looking for advice
Hi, I'm new to the forum and I'm looking for some advice. I'm recently married, about 1 year and a half. My wife and me had dated for 7 years and tied the knot in June 07. We're both 26 years old and have always had a pretty healthy relationship, so when this happened I was shocked.
About 6 months ago or so, my wife got involved in a research group just for fun. I had no problem with it and thought it was cool she was exploring and trying out new things. It slowly became a problem and I didn't see her very much. What was suppose to be a once a week thing turned into a lot more than that. Before she began this she said, "if this ever becomes too much, let me know. you are my family and family comes first." Well, it did and I let her know. She tried to back off on the group, but I still felt bumped to 2nd place. Eventually, she wasn't a part of the team, but still remained friends with some of the members.
It was one of these friends that became a problem when she felt connected to him and he to her. She told me this was going on and I could empathize because the same thing happened to me right before we got married. I trust her that nothing happened between the two. After she told me, she was able to sift through her feelings and said that although she felt connected to him, it wasn't in a romantic sense. Even still it bothered me. I didn't want to be the controlling husband who says, "no, you can't hang out with your friends", but I did say it wasn't appropriate to hang out with him, or any guy, one-on-one. She agreed.
I felt better having weathered that storm only to be caught up in another one. She just recently told me that she has finally gained a sense of independence that she never felt before, being that her whole life she lived co-dependently on everyone else. Before she got involved with the group we were trying to have kids and she wasn't ovulating. This became a reality check for her in that she was about to have kids and now she's thinks she needs to be independent and "do some things first" before having kids. Namely, living on her own and having complete independence. I was blown away and couldn't believe what I was hearing. I've tried telling her you can still have independence and be married, but she has always fallen prey to the all-or-nothing thinking.
So, to make matters worse she keeps telling me this is something she has to work out on her own. I feel completely shut out and feel like I'm losing my family. She is going to be seeing a therapist and I'm going to see one too, but I still don't know what to make of all this. It's like a living nightmare. I feel so torn between anger because she took an oath in marriage and on the other hand I feel bad for her because I know this is tearing her up. This is a really strange situation and I don't know if anyone can relate at all, but any advice would be great. Trying to hope. Thanks.
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