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Jealousy

2K views 6 replies 4 participants last post by  Bevi 
#1 ·
My husband and I have many issues but we are working on these issues (he has fallen out of love with me due to an EA). We have both decided to try using Mort Fertel's program (I don't know if youve heard of it or any success stories - but upon looking, the reviews looked good. I signed up for his 7 tips for marriage success and we both read the articles and took the assessments and felt the advice was excellent.).

However, upon improving myself, I realize that I have a problem with being insecure and jealous. If H talks to a woman at work, I am extremely jealous. We both have a mutual female friend and he went to hang out with her and her husband the other night, and I instantly thought they were sleeping together. I don't know what came over me but I was texting and calling him constantly! I know deep down he didn't do anything but I am so severely jealous. We spend at least 6 hrs a week together (and are slowly bumping that up) so I don't know why I am so jealous if he goes out with a friend for 2-3 hrs - not only that but the girl's HUSBAND was there, so obviously the meeting wasn't for sex or love interest.

I feel my insecurity and jealousy leads to putting restrictions on him, and therefore, he is unhappy in our relationship. I feel that my jealousy has created a huge issue in our relationship and stopped the trust and openness of our relationship. H says he's afraid to tell me things because of how jealous I am.

I just don't know what to do to get rid of the feelings and be OK again. :scratchhead:
 
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#4 ·
I was jealous much before the EA. I'm really not sure what he can do to nip the jealousy because I think it would be unreasonable. I would feel a lot better if he spent all his time with me and never talked to his friends - but I know that's totally unreasonable. I feel like, though it's not completely my fault, my jealousy has driven him away and into his EA.

We both have issues and he's working on his faithfulness... But I need to work on my jealousy. I have thought about marriage counseling, but not really sure... It costs a lot of $. Do you think individual counseling, for just myself, will work? My insurance will cover that, but they will not cover marriage counseling.
 
#5 ·
Yeah I def think you should get individual counselling. Why were you jealous before his EA? What's the underlying reason? You said something I can relate to. My exH was insanely jealous and insecure...constantly accusing me of doing dirt. I have said at times I feel he conjured my affair. Now that's not exactly true but I used to think...well he's always blaming me so what if I did...then he'd prove himself. The irony in all of tis is that he had cheated. I never suspected. Def get some therapy to help you deal. Its totally unreasonable for you to want him with you all hours and for him to not have a life outside the marriage.
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#6 ·
When we are jealous of others, it usually means we are not confident of ourselves.

I work on myself, make sure that I am not overweight or sloppy; make sure that I do a good job looking after my husband, meeting his needs; make sure that our home and our life are organized.

A wife and a girlfriend are different. When a man is married, and if he wants to settle, a good wife is what he needs. If you are being a good wife, and he still does silly things to ruin what he has, then he really doesn't know how to appreciate your effort and cherish what he has. This kind of men shouldn't be in our life anyway. I don't think your husband is this kind of man.

And be aware that we are not perfect, others are not perfect either. We are struggling with problems in life, others are struggling in life too. Don't think that your man like to make his life complicated. Don't think that other women are all attractive and you are not. After you spend sometime talking to them, they are not as wonderful as what you think they are.
 
#7 ·
Lydia im the same way im tryin to learn to deal with my jealous ways that i feel he has put there cause if it wasnt for some of the things he has done in our pass and he didnt lie about the most stupidest crap and hide things from me i feel like he is tryin to cheat when he tells me he loves me and dont want noone but me but it hurts me when i wake up and he is in another room watchin porn and .. well ... you what men do any how ... like i was sayin it hurts me when im just in the other room and im his girl friend willin and watting im to the point im scared and hurt and lonely inside
 
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