I do a lot around the house, clean bathrooms, cook, yard work, and kid’s activities and on and on. So doing all these things does not impress her, because it is a mutual agreement that we both help out. We talk over dinner and when we get home from work, so there is intellectual conversation, but that’s it. The problem gets back to me and what I need even after doing all the above things.
Stick around for any length of time and you'll see that this problem is pretty common.
there are many good posts, especially in the Men's Clubhouse, about some of the classic dynamics that go on in a marriage. Maybe some might apply, and help you with a new approach.
In a nutshell, I think that if you look at the things that you can control (not her), maybe it will help to ask what you currently think that she is looking for to spice up the intimacy, and whether your approach meets those needs.
You are right in saying that helping with the chores will not make her want to be more affectionate. In the Men's Clubhouse, these are the behaviors often demonstrated by Nice Guys. It does along the lines of a motto of, "if I make your life easier, you'll make my life happier". Not gonna happen in the real world, though.
A common comment that you will hear from women on this site who are in similar situations is that their husband tries equate chores with getting sex. Or basically, his goal in almost everything is sex, sex, sex. I'm not at all suggesting that your approach is this simplistic. But I will suggest that if you place a vastly greater priority on pursuing her, pampering, listening, and boldly sweeping her off her feet, than on having sex, she'll notice the difference. In fact, let her know that on some afternoons or nights, you want nothing more than to just give her a massage, or to read her a poem from one of the great romanticists, or something that she likes. Surprise her with small gifts and notes. In other owrds, let her know that she is the goal, not sex.
Consider that if these types of things are missing, many of us avoid them because they are 'just not us.' But maybe this is what she is missing.
Of course, this might not be an issue. Not alot of detail in the post. If she has expressed issues in the past, make sure you are not an avoider. Let her know that you no longer fear working on the big issues.
Basically, I'm just listing ideas. I think you should also look into the Manning up threads in the Men's Clubhouse to see if the whole Nice Guy thing applies.
Anyway, maybe this is a starter.