When I say my wife could have walked away, I am talking about when I was 18 and we already spoke about always being with my mom. She could have walked away back then and she stayed and now wants to give me a headache saying she doesn't want to be at the house and doesn't want to move in and when when she's gone she doesn't want to be here. Reality is she has lived in the same house her whole life and all of her family lives within a quarter mile of eachother and she is used to that. Now she will have to live about 4 miles away. And again, unless she wants us to live in the ghetto or her parents spare bedroom, this house that we will inherit is quite the deal to start our lives. Nice area and cheap because it was bought as a short sale 4 1/2 years ago.
And she thinks I love my mother more than her. That is the issue. And like I have said to her, if her mom were dying I surely hope she would love and care for her.
And again, not even close to being spoiled. And have always been told I am very mature, I have had to grow up pretty fast. Been the man of the house most my life. Dealing with mom being diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer when I was 18 and as an only child without a dad in the house. Now going to lose my mother at 22. Don't question my maturity. You don't know me.
How much care does your mom require at this time? Can you leave her alone for a little while? Most areas have a grief/bereavement support groups, maybe you could attend one just so you have some support and people to talk to, who know what you're going through.
As for your wife, I would have a simple conversation with her that lets her know where you stand on how she is acting. Tell her you understand that your mom takes up a lot of your time, that your sorry things are going this way and this isn't how you wanted your marriage to begin either. Tell her that you two have your whole lives to work things out but that it is very important to you to be there for your mom for the next few months and if she causes you problems during this time, that will also affect the rest of your lives. Tell her you need her support right now but bottom line is that your mom comes first, tell her you will try to make it up to her in the future but this is the reality of the situation.
Try to empathize with your wife and put yourself in her shoes, but in return she needs to put herself in your shoes. If your mom has been sick that long, your wife probably feels like she's been putting her life on hold for years and waiting for you. She's young and still selfish but she probably has some ideal version of how her honeymoon and beginning married life would go and this isn't it. She's not completely wrong and you're not wrong, you are both just going through a very hard time and trying to cope with it. She wants attention from you and you have little to give right now, so try to spend time with her and show an interest in her when you can.
If she doesn't want to live in your mom's house, she doesn't have to, invite her over often for dinner or to watch a movie and make her feel welcome when she is there. Stop by and see her at her parents house when you have a few minutes. Be nice to her and yourself. If she starts making demands, just say 'I'm sorry, honey, I wish things were different, it's hard on me too'. The house, the job, the kids, your dad's girlfriend, none is worth arguing about, it can all be sorted out later.
Don't worry about your dad and his girlfriend or a job, that's all in the future and will work itself out. You are existing for the present right now and that's all you need to worry about.