09-21-2011, 03:32 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
| | Re: Fornification / Pre-marital Sex
Originally Posted by MourningAfter
I'm an average guy in mid 20's and have been in a very fun/healthy relationship with my current gf for over 2 years now (shes in her mid 20's as well). Our relationship started out as best friends then became friends with benefits. We progressed quickly into a sexual relationship and that lead to a more serious relationship...
Some quick background information as it will help explain my situation... My girlfriend had a lot of problems/baggage in the past. She did drugs (pot/coke), was a heavy drinker, and was in an abusive realtionship for 5-6 years. I was aware of this before entering the relationship.
Fast foward till now she had made enormous amount of efforts to change who she is for me (voluntarily on her part). She stopped drinking all together, never took any drugs in last 2 years, and started doing a lot of healthy exercises/programs. I loved it and was extremely proud of her.
Since a year ago she started to connect with god again (christianity). She started to taking me to church, started reading the bible, listened to christian radio stations, and started attending bible studies on weekly basis. At first i thought this was a good- as i was raised from a christian family (not a strong believer) and was content. As the months passed i felt like she was becomming a lot more devoted to god. She explained that she was too happy with me and in so much love that she feared if she did not give gratitude and honor god that he will not bless our relationship or take me away...
Here's the problem: Last week out of nowhere she said we needed to talk. She said that she wanted to be obedient to god and follow his path so going foward we could not have sex until after we get married... I was in shock and disbelif... even 3 days before she said that we were having sex least 2-3 times a week. She claims she has been struggling about it for 3 months prior to telling me... She claims that she tried to ignore it for the longest time and honor god in other good deeds but god kept "telling" her that it was wrong for us to have a sexual relationship before marrying.
This is a 180 degree change in person/situation... the rules were changed in the middle of a game seems like... and now im faced with an ultimatum... We took some time apart (2 weeks) so that we have time to think over things... i told her that an initimate relationship was important to me and that i don't think the realtionship could work as i would end up resenting her. I'm no where close to even think about marrying her (financially and emotionally) and even if i did it would seem like it was forced upon...
Im absolutely certain she loves me and she expressed that im the only man for her in her life...My gf said she can't live without me and life with me would be meaningless to her... she always had abandonment issues and feared that one day i might leave her (though i had no reasons too and reassured many times). She claims if we truely love eachother we can overcome this and she is trying to convience me to go on "dates" holding hands, kissing, hugging, but no sex... I mean we've been LIVING together for the past two years... how can i possibly accept that? I told her all of this and yet she insist that we try anyways... it would have been easier for me if she told me she found a better man or just dont love me anymore. I can't even get mad at her or be dissapointed... The hardest part is that she's such a sweetheart and she will be absolutely wrecked if i were to break up with her... She's trying so hard to make things like its normal and trying so hard to make me love her more by doing sweet things... i'm currently staying at my friends place and she wants me to sleep over at her place this weekend (and have sex for last two times and after that cold turkey)... but at this point i really don't know what to do...
This is about change and you have to ask yourself if this is going to be OK to you.
Personally cutting of sex is a deal breaker for me, but you may have a different set of criteria for what is a relationship and what is acceptable in that relationship.
Are you sure that you want to be with a woman that is taking religion to that extreme? The decision is completely up to you, but if it were me, I would let her go her own way. Her personality has changed quite a bit and she is a very different person now.
People tent to "blow" break-ups, all out of proportion. Its not always devastation and hysterics. Its all how you go about it. Just tell her that your happy that she has changed her life so much for the better, but the sex is something your not prepared to go without. Tell her not to worry because her church has a great singles group and she will meet a wonderful guy who will love her and not push her for sex. (Of course he will be a closet homosexual but if that's what she wants, who am I to argue)
And you can then go and find someone more compatible with your beliefs and the lifestyle you want to live.
Up to you