Did you date before marriage? How long? Did you have sex before marriage? How was it then?
The million dollar question. We were friends for a while, then he revealed his feelings for me and then things just moved at the speed of light. It was like, before I realized what was happening, I was engaged. But, to be fair, I cared about him tremendously. Like I said, we were best friends. Oh, and the sex, not good then either. But he was on anti-depressants at the time and kept telling me it was because of the meds. I believed him. The sexual chemistry wasn't there either for me (kissing, touching, etc). But he was so sweet. I thought we could fix all that. I feel so freakin stupid now. And feel like it's my fault we're in this situation because I was so dumb about how important it is to have chemistry at the beginning. I seriously thought the other stuff was more important and the chemistry/ sexual compatibility you could work on.
If he has "performance issues" --- sheesh...maintaining an erection, there are pills for that (I've used them!).
We did those for a while. The problem with those was that then he took like a million years to orgasm and, honestly, the rest of his "performance" leaves a lot to be desired, so unless it's going to be good for me, I don't want to lie under him for 60 minutes before I can move on with my day. I did that to be the good wife for the first few years, but sheesh.
How old are your kids? If very young, they may not remember him after a short while (if you decide to walk). Are you prepared to raise them by yourself (if/until/unless you find another mate)?
Kids are 1, 3, and 5. Very young. I would never have them lose contact with their dad, even if I left him. He's a great father and we both love our kids to no end. I believe that he would want to see them often, and I would hope that we would come up with something that would minimize the kids' loss. But I would still be a single mom and that's hard to do it by yourself when the kids are with you. Yes, I'm prepared to raise them. I am a professional and, though haven't worked for a while, I can get a job reasonably easily. It's the psychological aspect on the children that worries me. Financially would be hard to get on my feet, but I'm an independent woman and have never been afraid to care for myself and mine.
Does it feel like roomies?
Definitely like roomies.
So, what are you seeking here, girl? What do you want to do? With your life? With your kids? About hubby?
Dunno. If there were no kids in the picture, I think I'd leave now (though not 100% sure yet). But the kids complicate things for me in a real way.
Wowsers on the blackmail from your ex. Talk about pressure. She sounds like a real winner.